feeling sad, and need a reality check. Had dd's bday party today at an art place. I admit i was the one that set it all up but i did discuss it w dh, he just never seemed real interested. Our parties are always family separate and freinds separate so this was friends from her class at school 10 7 yo girls at a place that most parents would drop off and then pick their kids back up.
so DH helped me carry all extra stuff like cake and decorations into the place and then he took off w ds, which makes sense, and he came back for the last 5 mins and to clean up. but i had to insist a few days ago that he do this because he was going to stay home w ds. ds is 10 not a toddler or anything, he is capable of entertaining himself or interacting w dh if they went to a coffee shop for something for the 2 hrs.
So essentally I was greeting parents, supervising girls, the art place hostess did her little deal and the girls did their creative thing, and I was the only one that saw her open her gifts w her friends, another mom came back early and helped pass out cake and stuff, but that was it.
so my questions are, do your dh take more of an interest in this sort of thing? I can cut him some help because he did ask when i firmly insisted, Do you usually bring grandma or a friend or someone to keep you company more or less when the kids are doing their thing, and to help with any things like passing out cake and keeping track of gifts if you open them?
I guess part of it is the kids were old enough to not keep me super busy, and were also young enough that most parents stayed. This was only the second party that wasnt just at our house.
i know DD had fun and that is what counts but it was an odd experiences for me. maybe next time i'lll just have to make my own art piece.
Wow I was typing blind on this one. Meant to say I could cut dh some slack because he did help. Meant to say parents used tostay but kids are old enough they do not stay now. Yikes sorry for bad typing.
If he's not working, which he usually is, he stays but I only do family/friend party combo's. I have no patience to do two separate parties.
My husband never hung out for the friends parties. It was usually me and my mom.
My husband travels almost all of the time, so I do MANY events myself. Latest big one was Tae Kwon Do Christmas party...YUP I made the pot luck thing, bought the secret Santa gifts, rolled in solo with my three young kids, found a table for us all when everyone else was a "couple with kids". Navigated the whole night without help making it almost impossible to hold any adult conversations while taking care of the kids. Whatever. Honestly, I don't mind. I'm happy being social or hanging by myself and I don't need their dad there (but take this with a grain of salt because our long and unhappy marriage will soon end). If he's AROUND he's interested (to the extent that I urge him to be...self-motivated? NOPE) but that's rare. I've done every birthday for every child solo-no friends or family helping-but I did merge with two other moms for one daycare birthday. This month he'll be present for daughter's 7th...his first birthday EVER he's home for.
If you want more socialization for yourself, than you have to set it up that way. Make sure he knows you want him there or that you have other adults to be there with you. As for it being natural for you to be left "alone" at events like this-absolutely. I do it all the time.
My husband always went to the kids' birthday parties. He would never have missed an event like their birthday party. The kids expected him at their parties just like they expected me! It didn't matter that he wasn't interested in Build a Bear - I didn't love Chuck E Cheese, but this is what we did for our kids. We never divided the labor in such a way that I was solely in charge of running the birthday parties. However, I am glad to be at a stage in parenting where I'm past little kid birthday parties.
My husband would not miss it for the world. I do all the planning each time, but he's usually excited about it and then is always there to help with every aspect of the party. He enjoys talking with the other parents though and he always takes way too many photos. He usually helps with the present opening or with keeping track of presents. I also would think it is odd if he did not stay and it was me the whole time. We usually invite super good friends to birthday parties so often all the parents are really good friends of ours and they all want to stay...they all love our kids as we love theirs. One party was an invite the whole class thing at a gymnastics place and most other parents did not stay. They just dropped off their kids. My husband and my mom were there to help out. Our daughter's last birthday was a cowgirl birthday party and some teenagers and their moms were hired to give pony rides at some horse stables that are nearby. Our daughter loved it. Our son who is older also had a blast...he was allowed to invite one friend too. All the parents stayed for that one. Afterwards everyone came to our house for cake. Anyway, that would bum me out if my husband did not want to be at his own daughter's party!
If we do a party, family & friends, DH is always there for the whole thing. I could see this possibly changing once DD is older and we do friends only parties. Or not, who knows.
Maybe he felt left out of the whole process, since he didn't partake in the planning or anything, so he didn't feel included when the party took place? I don't know. I'm not sure what your DH is normally like. He may just not be into "girl" stuff, but he should still participate in his 7 year old daughter's party.
My DH is the same way. And it's HIS daughter! He just doesn't care to chit-chat with other parents, and he doesn't really like other people's kids. He's not the kind of dad who loves to take his daughter and her friends anywhere. He loves his daughter and will take her places, but not with her friends.
Luckily I get along great with my SD's mom so the two of us plan and handle everything. My DH shows up at the beginning and then again at the end. I've found it's better off if he's not there! Then he's not complaining, or mooning around bored.
If SD's mom isn't there (and sometimes she's not) then I enlist another mom or family member to help.
Sometimes that's just who our DH's are. My DH is a wonderful dad to his daughter, but he's just not into girlie things (and why should he be?) He's not interested in Princess Dress Up parties, or anything like that.
Just make sure you bring other support to the party so you're not alone. Or tell DH what you need from him. My DH knows he will need to help set up and at the end, cart presents to the car.
Hugs! You're not alone!
My husband gets really antsy and uncomfortable when a lot of kids are together, especially if he doesn't know them. I wouldn't put him in the position of having to stay at a party like that. He does a lot when we have the family parties, but they only include up to 4 kids, and they're all kids we're either related to or that he's seen since they were babies anyway. We've yet to have a friends party.
My husband has not been able to attend the last couple of birthday parties due to work, so I did them myself. We only do drop off parties. I just kept it simple. We did mini-golf/go-carting parties for both boys (7&10). I brought chips, pop and cupcakes, so there was really no serving involved. I played mini-golf with them, and just watched them go-cart. We don't open gifts at the party because it really cuts into fun time. We wait until we get home, and it is easy to keep track for thank-you's. When my husband has helped with the parties he was usually just there to carry stuff.
I never just drop my kids off! I always stay and help.
You should definitely plan to take a friend next time. I have a cousin with kids the same age as mine, so I usually invite her and vice versa. And we help with this and that-and try to get some adult time in.
Don't be bummed. Just gives you a beter idea of what to include in the plans for future parties.
Oh and as far as DH-no way would I expect him to participate! Our 7 year old is already worried about him " embarrassing her by treating them like babies"
My DH would stay and help. Problem is he's not that much help.
He's like an overgrown kid.
I've learned it's all about the kids, I never got to socialize w/the other moms much because I was busy AND I ask for help if and when I need it.
Oh and I've been to those types of palces w/friends and co-workers and it was ALWAYS chaotic. I think it's just that type of place.
If you want DH to help next time, I suggest you have it at your house and
let him know ahead of time you are asking for his help as you need it.
I haven't read the other remarks yet. I just want to say that I am so sorry about this. Does he show more interest in his son than in his daughter? Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, but it sounds to me that he doesn't care about little girls like he cares about boys. If you have a party for your son, would he come to that and stay at home with your daughter?
If there is any validity in what I'm saying (and don't just dismiss it because you don't WANT to believe it), then you need to talk about this with him. I'd almost consider demanding that you two go to a family counselor over it, it would be so upsetting to me. I would see it as a real problem as your daughter gets older. She will figure out that her dad "likes" her brother more than her.
Your husband needs to learn to appreciate her "little girlness" and treat her as such.
I'm so sorry - I'd really be upset about it.
Dawn
