Overwhelming Fear

I DO TOO! I've learned to live with the feeling, but I still get a cringing sensation every time she even does something small that makes me nervous. I'm getting better, but I just think it means that you lover her dearly!

I totally understand how you feel! I have the same fears. However, the fact that you are crying every night and losing sleep, is a red flag to me that maybe you are suffering from an anxiety problem and need to get some professional help. There's no shame in seeing a couselor, psychologist or psychiatrist. They work with people who have anxiety all the time. Since it sounds like this is getting in the way of your daily life, that's what I would do. Good luck to you. :)

Breathe. I asked this exact same question a couple years ago. And since I've joined this site, I've seen countless newer moms asking this exact question, which leads me to the conclusion that while it TOTALLY SUCKS, it's TOTALLY NORMAL.

We're forever changed once we have kids, aren't we? And not always in good ways! Never in my life did I worry like I do now. But again, I'm learning that it's normal. That's not to say that there isn't anything that can be done about it, and asking your question on this site is a good start because you will see that you are not alone in your feelings.

I got a lot of great insight when I asked this question (and I'll link you to it so you can read my responses), but there was one particular piece of EXCELLENT advice I got (and you can see it really stuck with me as I still remember it, now 2 or more years later)... I described how I will ruminate over visions of horrible things happening to my son... what if he ran out into the street and got hit by a car, what if someone broke into our home and killed us, what if he was sleeping in his room and our home caught on fire and I was not able to get to him, what if he got mixed up into drugs and overdosed... I'd essentially make up all these horrible scenarios in my mind, and obsess about them! (so I totally know where you're coming from)... and the advice I got was that if I was going to play the "WHAT IF" game, that I had to make the conscious decision that I had to play it on BOTH sides. If I was going to say what if he'd be hit by a car, I'd have to say what if he grew up to be a loving family man? For each time I ruminated about something negative, I had to counteract it with a positive 'what if.' And when I actually started doing that, it took a lot of the power out of the negative what if's. (Thank you Kali/Colleen)

Another great piece of advice I got, was that when you get inside your head with these terrible thoughts, stop yourself and pray (if you believe in God or a higher power and prayer.) Ask God to give you relief from your thoughts, a happy heart, and joy in the moment. The key is IN THE MOMENT. Live the moment before you, and dispel the thoughts about the what if's, and ask God to help you do this... (Thank you Amy J.)

Anyhow, those are a couple things that help me. And I will say that I do think it does get better. I still worry - a lot - but it's not the intense, crippling, sickness inducing fear that I had a couple years ago.

Best wishes to you. And here is the link to my similar question.

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/15939680656921985025

You are not alone. I really think this is just a part of being a parent. We are able to control a lot and keep our kids safe. Some stuff is out of our control. That is the stuff that keeps us up late at night in tears. That you love and care enough to worry shows what caliber of mom you are. Your sweet daughter is lucky to have you for a mommy!

I have the same fear you are talking about and have 2 daughters to spread it on. I have to constantly remind myself that I can only do so much about their safety. Just be thankful that you are a good mom to your child and love her enough to be worried about her safety and try and relax in the areas that you CAN. It works for me, I am constantly talking myself through stuff daily in order to not reel them in too tight. Hope this helps.

I just recently went to the doctor due to this SAME issue! I feel a little crazy because I want to protect my children 100%...I want their lives to be as perfect as perfect can be (even though I know it is impossible). My children are 10, 7, and 5. I, too, watched the Casey Anthony trial all.the.time... My doctor reminded me that the specific "things" we worry about tend to NEVER happen and the things you forget to worry about do. I have yet to over come my "fears" for my little ones (I still think that I will go into their room and find them not breathing or lose them in a crowded place). I am convinced it is because we are good mothers that have infinite love for our children. I also remind myself that I cannot do it all alone...it is in God's hands and faith plays a HUGE role.

Don't mean to freak you out....but my kids are 9,6,and 7 months and I STILL worry about things happening to them. I am 34 and my PARENTS still worry about things that are happening to me! (In fact, they were the ones that dragged me to the hospital a couple of weeks ago with pneumonia and helped my family when I was admitted). I think it's normal.....or at least I HOPE it's normal! ha.
I try and keep the dark thoughts away because I can imagine just about every awful thing in the world happening to my kids. I am doing my best and I just pray that it's good enough.
L.

Irrational fears are based on not having an anchor upon which to secure your life - IMHO. If you don't have any beliefs in a creator and sustainer of life you're going to have fears about the future, about your kids.

I've had my moments - long drives through the city when my husband had to work and I was with my kids alone, letting go as the kids have become teens... As we instill our values into our kids and see them make good decisions we feel more secure in those things that we can control - and the rest we have to hand off to God. Being married to a member of the NYPD I've had to do that alot over the years. It does get easier.

Hi V.,

"Worrying is praying for what you DON'T want to happen." Our thoughts manifest. Have you heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? The best route is to think positively, act carefully, be aware always...and don't worry about what you can't control.
Also, is she 16 months or 19 months? You can hide veggies in just about anything...smoothies are wonderful. You combine fruits and veggies and they can't tell the difference.
As for temper tantrums, if you don't let her know who's boss immediately, she will quickly learn that she is in control and it will be progressively harder to get your power back.

Good luck!
"Grams"
from the Pocono Mts. of PA

We all worry about our children - but when you cry most nights and can't sleep, it sounds like an issue that you need to discuss with your health care provider. Excessive worries that interfere with your sleep, or persistent baby blues are very treatable if you seek help.

A little trepidation and occasioanly running through the "what ifs" is perfectly normal, especially if you are a new mom. But, the level of anxiety that you mention is outside the healthy spectrum. It's not healthy for you or baby. It shold not routinely keep you up at night. You should not be in tears about it. You should describe these panicky feelings to your dr on your next follow up. An anti-anxiety med may be in order.

You don't say how old your daughter is but this seems a bit extreme to me. Constant worry is not good for you or your family. This can lead to a host of additional issues. I would say it is time to see a therapist. You need to talk out your fears with someone who can help you through them.

One exercise you can start: remind yourself several times a day **nothing happened**. We are fine. Keep repeating this to yourself several times a day.

When my children were younger, I felt exactly the same way. I would imagine all sorts of scenarios of doom and gloom. Anytime they were out of my sight, my imagination would go wild, and I would make myself sick with the fear of "what if this happened?" or "what if that happened?"

However, it does get better. My kids are now teenagers (well, one will be a teen in two months, and so it is easier to say that I have two teens), and I know that my imagination was/is ten to hundred times worse than the reality of what could go wrong. If something did/does go wrong, it is usually something minor (my eldest split the palm of her hand on a weight during tennis. I freaked out when I got the call from her coach, but my daughter told me to "chill out," because it wasn't that bad--it was in fact pretty cool. She was the only of her friends that has had to get stitches, and I guess there is a certain coolness to getting stitches, and how well you handle it--she was very proud that she didn't cry or make a fuss). You just have to teach children to be cautious and careful and realize that they do listen.

I didn't read all of the posts on here, but Anne H. points out a very good point that there may be something deeper if you cry yourself to sleep at night about the "what ifs." I am not being judgmental. I realized a while back that many of my irrational fears stemmed from finding my mother's body after she committed suicide. Before that time (which was also before my son was born), I think I was worried about my daughter the normal amount. Afterwards, there was no limit to my thoughts on what could wrong, because I knew that things could go seriously wrong. It took me many years of therapy and relaxation techniques to realize that I was projecting a traumatic event that happened to all aspects of life, most especially my children and their lives. I am not saying that something like this happened to you, but if it is to the degree that you are crying at night there may be a deeper situation that you unconsciously are projecting onto your children.

Sorry, this was so long. I guess I just wanted you to know that I could definitely relate to your fears and wanted to let you know that, yes, it does get better.

Good luck :)

Yes, some times more than others. I remember just recently I was sitting in church and all of a sudden a vision of the preacher presiding over my son's funeral--I was like say what--this is absurd! The only thing I could think of that sent me on another run of what ifs, was that a friend of ours recently lost their oldest brother (30 something) and he had a 3 year old son and I started to get all worried about all kinds of irrational thoughts!

I've caught myself starting to do the same again very recently. Next week my MIL is coming to pick up my 3 yr old for his first weekend get away with them, and we are not dropping him off. I am very, very scared of letting them drive him (over 2.5hrs away)--but I also get the same way when my husband takes them somewhere far away too!

I don't something about me not being there. Its that feeling that if something happens at least it will happen to me too, and at the very at least i'd be there to protect my baby. I am repeatedly telling myself, they've driven him plenty of times, and we're all safe and sound. I also have to let go and leave it in God's hands! He brought my little guy through even after preterm labor and a horribly scary delivery-- he has a plan whatever it may be!

So in a nutshell I think its normal, I don't know if it'll ever stop, but as long as I feel its not impeding on my daily activities with them, and I'm not projecting it must be apart of what it means to be a 'mommy'!

Good Luck I hope you find a way to find peace in knowing we really can't control everything!! Live like each is the last--is and has always been my motto :)

My mom was very overbearing and protective with us and when she passed when I was 23 I felt like a 12 yr old, incapable of doing anything. My son was 5 and I had no clue how to take care of him. Needledd to say I was a mess. I vowed then and there to never do that to my kids. Never. I am my mamas baby and there is a part of me that wants to lock them in the house and never let them out but we just can't do that. I want them to be able to take care of themselves and if we hover I feel like they never will. Things happen and you just can't beat yourself up. You've got to learn to love them and let them make mistakes, get hurt and hug them so its better. Easier said then done I know. My son starts high school in 2 weeks and im so sad. He's my baby and he's nearly a adult. But I must have faith and let him experience this life! Try to relax and enjoy every lovely day!