T.S.
R.,
My son is almost 2 1/2 and in the 2 y/o room at Kindercare. They have a "plan for learning" that they follow, which is great. They also have expectations of the kids to participate in certain activities as a group (and sit still)as well as being able to roam an play on their own.
My son, personally, thrives on structure and routine (a "gift" from me). He sleeps/naps/eats at the same time everyday and is thrown when things get mixed around. He puts his toys away where they belong and he knows where to find them. He likes to know what to expect and counts on it. That being said, he also is very independent and likes to explore and play on his own either in the room or outside. I've stopped by the center at various times during the day and have seen him playing alone and playing with others or sitting in a group for singing and story time. My son loves going to daycare and cheers when we pull in the parking lot.
I feel that there needs to be a good balance of structure and free time. If there is too much of either, then you run into issues. Ask a 2 (or 3) year old to sit still for too long and they will become cranky, restless and act out (at least mine will, lol). At the same time, if they don't learn to enjoy some down time in an organized way they'd run wild all the time doing whatever they wanted.
If you feel that the teacher is being too hard on your son and asking him to do too much with regard to sitting still, then I'd look into it further. Maybe the director has a different idea of structure than the teacher. Some times, teachers get a little too controlling. But, think about when you were in school - different teachers have different methods and personalities. I'd talk to the director; see what S/HE expects in the 3 year old room. If the daycare's program is more structured than you're comfortable with, then by all means...look elsewhere.
Good luck.
T.