J.S.
Hi, (sorry this is so long)
I'm not very familiar with SPD, However very familiar with ADHD, I looked into SPD and it sounds similar, I'll share with you what I do with my son, one thing that has helped him learn is not to sit down and do text book study, but to be active, we'll find a rhythm and clap our hands to spelling, example F-A-M---I-L-Y. Then do a little gig, same thing with math, repeating it over and over again, even if its one math problem a week or two "six-times-six-is-thirty-six" While dancing, taping, clapping, singing, whatever is fun. Maybe that doesn’t work for you but my son sure remembers better when he's having fun, Another thing I remember doing was homework for hours just so my son could keep up, He now has an IEP program, but before that by the end of the day I was grouchy, he was grouchy, we were not friends, then the teacher specified that I only need to do 40 min of homework, not that it should take the average kid 40 min but us 3 hrs, but that we do only 40 min 4 days a week, sometimes my son would only comprehend 1 thing in that 40 min, or solve 1 math problem or read 1 page, but when his 40 min was up, I let him be done, we were both much happier that way and I talked with my sons teacher and resource teacher about what they can do to help him excel at his pace.
I'd suggest maybe to talk to your sons teacher's and ask exactly what they expect, then tell them what you feel and expect too. Its ok if your son doesn’t keep up with the class, that's what the IEP is for, (at least I think so in my case) my son learns more if he's enjoying it than if not, It has gotten easier for the both of us since I've quit expecting so much from him and pushing him so hard, I don’t know if it will be that way for you, I see other kids do so many things my son doesn’t do yet, but I've learned to be ok with that, my son has a disability, that’s our life, I'm at peace with it now, I just focus on him, not the kids his age, and slowly, one day at a time, we learn new things, like organization, good habits, coping skills, people skills, not giving up, I figure if I can teach my son how to learn, then when he's ready to learn something new, he'll know how to do that.
Another thing I do is try to sneak in some learning, I talk a lot about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I'll price shop at the store and figure differences in price and difference in quantity, he actually loves to get on the calculator and do figures for me now. At work, I'll print of funny jokes or inspiring stories I get from my e-mail, at first I was reading them to him, now he likes to read them to me, or find a funny short article in the news paper and have him read it to me while I do dishes, I'll laugh out loud and really enjoy what he's reading so he feels like he's making me laugh instead of practicing reading. I feel like that’s a tricky way of getting some extra learning and he doesn’t even know it.
Oh, another thing my sons teachers have told me, My reading to him is considered his homework reading time, that me reading to him, especially at such a young age, is almost as good as him reading. My son didn't always pay attention, but it was the daily habit he was learning, eventually he grew to a point where he now reads daily by him self (he's 11 now and finishing books).
One thing I'd really like to say is be patient with your little one, I think when I was frustrated with my son not paying attention and taking forever to do his homework, I sent a message that I believed he was dumb, or incapable of learning, things only went down hill for us, but when I changed my attitude toward my son and learned who he was, accepted it and welcomed it, things continually get better.
As for Sylvan, I checked into it, I would do it if I could afford it and had the time to take him, they teach on a schedule that conflicts with my work schedule and they are not flexible. They laid on the guilt trip that my son’s education is more important than money, but money talks. I've been a single mom making under Ten dollars an hr. with no child support. Figure that one out. So I (like you) just learned ways to teach him my self, at least the best I can. And to have fun with it.
One last recommendation that has worked miracles for our family is the program "Love & Logics". Which you can check out at http://www.loveandlogic.com/
Best of luck to you and your little angel.