Our Parents as Teachers Rep Recommended a Child Psychologist for Not Listening??

I have had great results with using a child psychologist...my son had different issues...but after two sessions, she had us back on track and that was all it took. She gave me new tools to use and information to read.

I feel she is just one more tool in my parenting toolbox. If I need her again she is there...

Consequences. Immediate and certain.

It sounds like more of a discipline problem.

I've never heard of going to a psychologist for everyday behavior problems.
Have you tried 1-2-3 Magic ? I think one mistake parents make is talking too much and warning too much. That's what the 1-2-3 approach helps with. 4 yrs old is too young to care about the logic and why's of the rules he must follow. But he is old enough to learn the rules and does not need three warnings to stop hitting, clean up his toys, etc. Most kids who don't listen to their parents are just smart enough to know their parents will repeat it 5 more times and they don't have to obey until the parents sound really angry. Truly, a listening problem is a child who cannot hear well or process language, does your son have a listening problem or an obeying problem? Try to stop repeating yourself and get him into the habit of paying attention and responding the first time. After you say "Give that back" you count to three, then time out. No pleading, explaining, asking him three times. I dont know a lot of child psychologist, but I've never met one with a well behaved child.

Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. Timeless, written by a grandmother and universally effective for people who have used the style for generations. My kids (5, 4 and 2, all different personalities and one extremely spirited) are amazingly well behaved and happy under this style. They never would have kept interest in a chart or pennies for five minutes, and none of them got away with aggressive behavior to an infant for one second. They don't tantrum, and they absolutely listen to us. It's the perfect balance between positivity, love, respect and support AND firm discipline which is concise and effective enough to be rarely needed. My oldest is five and her teachers (pre school, K4, piano, violin) compliments me all the time on what a great and respectful student she is. My 4 year old son is now in Tae Kwon Do and French tutoring and gets the same comments. He's very respectful and listens well thanks to this style.

My daughter had similar problems when she was 5. I was also going through a nasty divorce at the time. I took her to a psychologist so she could have someone to talk to about her feelings without worrying about hurting my feelings (or anyone else's feelings). She loved her therapist and looked forward to going every week. It really helped her to understand her feelings, and how her actions made others feel. The psychologist also gave me so many great tools to help with everyday challenges. We still use some of them and my daughter is 15 now.

I know this isn't going to be popular but IMO the problem with the 1,2,3 method is that the child KNOWS you are going to count to 3 before there are any consequences. So, he/she pushes it until 3. I say you sit him down and tell him there will be no more 1,2,3. He is expected to listen and do what he's told the FIRST time and if he doesn't there will be a consequence. Then, the first time he doesn't listen, no warning, no silly time out - he goes straight to his room, door closed, and stays there for a significant length of time - longer than 4 minutes! If he stalled because he was playing with a toy, I would also take the toy and put it up in a closet and not give it back for several days. Combined, this will make a strong impression on him and he will learn that he HAS to do what he's told the FIRST time he's told because there will be an immediate consequence. Kids are not stupid and they will push things as far as they can and get away with as much as they can. It's up to us as parents to let them know that they can't push us at all and they aren't going to get away with anything.

cheryl B has some great comments, and children want boundries, thats why they keep testing you to see how far they can go so they know where the boundries are. We as parents set our boundries out so far that by the time the child gets to it we are totally fustrated and as they get older it gets harder and harder because the boundries you set keep getting moved back. You tell him the 1 2 3 isn't the best for him and you will be doing "new plan" then implement the new plan to say it once and then the consequence. It will take a firm voice (no anger) but the voice that says I mean what I say, I hear parents voices and they are wishy-washy. I certainly don't like to be with some whos is wishy-washy, especially working for a boss who don't take charge of the problem. The best book I used and taught classes on is "What the Bible Says about Child Training by Richard Fugate" God created us all and gave us our children He certainly aught to know what we need to do to raise them up to be respectful, wise, honoring those in authority, obedient to parents "rule #1." Don't be afraid to admit that what you have been doing hasn't been the best for him or the family and start your new plan, but make sure you ready to make this plan work, some time the parents need as much discipline to stick with something as they want their children to have.

Play therapist work wonders :) there is also a book
series or was many moons ago that they suggested and had
On their shelves. Each book dealt with that exact age.
I may not have the right title but it was something along
the lines of "Your wonderful four old/ fabulous five year old"

Hi J.,

I am a little surprised they suggested a child psychologist. I have a 4 year old girl, Marlee, and a 2 year old girl, Rylee. Marlee does the EXACT same things to Rylee, almost on a daily basis. With my girls, it seems to be an issue of territory/jealousy/sibling rivalry. No matter what rewards, punishments we use, it is like she just doesn't have time for it. She acts like she is 'above the law'. At pre-school, it is like she is another person - model behavior and always kind to her classmates. The negative behaviors are only towards her sister.

unfortunately, from what I have read, it is the typical behavior of a 4 year old. It is a time of realizing individuality and proving oneself to oneself. I would get other opinions, maybe from pediatrician, care giver, teacher, etc. If the behaviors are the same towards everyone, then maybe seek more analysis, but if the behaviors are just towards his brother, I would just keep an eye on it, and stay firm with rules/rewards/punishments!

Good luck,
L.

I think that maybe the first thing you might want to try is a play therapist. This person actually watches your child and sees how he plays and how you deal with him. I think that perhaps this might help more first. A good play therapist will also tell you if a psychologist would be helpful.

Good luck,
Dawn

Sounds like it is a good idea to me. A psychologist would be able to help you learn new skills in this situation and help you find new and interesting ways to change the undesired behaviors.

Only go to a psychologist who has children of their own. No kids what do they know? It's all theory.
Most psychologist have never made any transformation in their own lives so how can they help you make transformation.
My daughter had similar problems with her 4 year old. Tai Kwan DO three times a week and he turned into an honor roll student and black belt by the age of eight.
Knowing where your body is in space and time and being able to perform well are great incentives to be socially correct.
I had done the same with his mother and gymnastics 3x a week.