Other Children Screaming Scares My Daughter!

My daughter would get scared and cover her ears due to frequent ear infections. She is 10 now and still does not like loud noises. Says it gives her headaches. We had her hearing tested about 3 yrs ago and they said she was on the low end of hearing loss.

Ditto, Suzi L. So true! It seems that everything from toys to TV programs are loud and flashy and parents who want a little peace and quiet are considered uptight. Sure, scream your lungs out, just do it outside!

My kiddo didn't like loud noises either and she still doesn't. Neither do I, but her dad and brother could care less about noise. They aren't bothered at all.

It could be part of who she is and she shouldn't be punished for it. I did reassure my child, but without coddling her. I think she wanted to be sure that everything was okay and she wasn't in danger. Eventually, she would just look over at me with an "everything okay?" look on her face and I could give her a thumbs up and she would get on with whatever she was doing.

If you know that you are going to be in a loud environment or going for a visit with the cousins, give her a heads up before you go. "It's gonna get loud, but I know you can handle this!" If she knows what's coming, it may not be so frightning for her.

Stay patient - you are a great mom for being concerned and yes, this too shall pass! Good luck!

react with amusement....when the other child screams, pop your hands over your ears & make it a joke for your daughter. This will help your daughter flip her reaction from being afraid to enjoying Mom's antics. If you coddle her too much, this phase will last longer than it needs to.

I don't blame her. I hate screaming, happy or not. I don't allow a small child to scream on a regular basis. Once and awhile when they are very happy, surprised etc. isn't so bad. But kids that scream often scream out constantly and it should be stopped. I just take the child that is screaming, look them straight in the face and tell them it's naughty to scream like that. I put them in time out for a couple of minutes and bring them back out. With some consistancy, that screaming will stop.

As for your daughter being afraid of the crying, it's a phase that will pass. It's hard on her and just goes to show you that a peaceful environment is best. A lot of young moms don't realize that it is possible to raise children in a quiet, relaxed environment. But that takes a little practice and effort.

Suzi

B.,

The loud screaming/crying could be hurting your daughter's ears...one of my daughters has very sensitive ears. If that's the case, it may help to give her some protection to keep the noise from huring her ears, such as ear muffs. Since she is so young, you can't use the ones that go in her ears, it would be best to use the ones that go over the outside of her ears.

Good luck!

In my profession as a brain integration therapist, I see these types of reactions in many children. There are a variety of reasons why people become over sensitised to sensory stimulation. I doubt that your daughter can help her reaction as these sensitivities trigger reactions in the subconscious part of the brain. If she has developed an extraordinary sensitivity to certain pitches of sound, she may eventually develop a sensory filter that will allow her to cope with those pitches. But, if there is a problem with sensory integration, she may have a difficult time developing those filters.

Today's children are commonly exposed to a variety of neurotoxins, including from vaccines, that can result in problems with sensory integration as well as hyper or hypo sensory sensitivities. Although any of the conditions can be diagnosed, in my experience few MDs have been willing to pursue identifying the toxic causes. It can be somewhat time consuming and expensive to investigate these things. But you might think back to what she may have been exposed to just before this sensitivity presented itself. Keep in mind that some exposeures are tricky to identify. For example, cadmium can be picked up from second-hand cigarrette smoke or common lawn treatments. It is not safe to let children play on the lawn after a commercial lawn service has sprayed it.

Even if her reaction is the result of some occurance which she perceived as traumatic, the sounds that are triggering her response are still likely subconscious. In other words, she cannot control the emotional response she feels. Unless she naturally develops neurological filters so that those sounds do not gain direct access to fear responses in the limbic system of the brain, she can only learn to cope with those feelings and change what she does with them, unless you have access to therapies such as brain integration techniques.

One thing parents can do is to learn the basic brain integration exercises from the brain gym program. These exercises, if done in a fun and entertaining way, may help your daughter to develop the filters and integrate her sensitivities to these sounds.

Another therapy than many people are learning to do for themselves and their families are the Emotional Freedom Techniques, which you can learn from videos and manuals available free online. I have used these techniques with children quite successfully.

Other than that, all I can suggest is that you help her avoid exposure to those sounds and be very patient and understanding with her responses. That does not mean too much pity or overprotectiveness. Children need to be respected for their ability to learn to cope. It is usually most helpful if the parent responds with both understanding and respectful encouragement. Help her understand that the sound can trigger a scary feeling even when there is nothing to be afraid of. Some parents make the mistake of trying to help by telling the child something like, "Mommy is here to protect you from scary things." This will actually help the conscious part of the brain to imprint that there is a real reason to be frightened.

All that said, keep in mind that children sometimes develop an unusual fear from something as non-rational as a dream. When my son was 3 he became extraordinarily frightened of sandals after a dream in which a pair of sandals he was wearing had the power to make him go places and do things he did not want to do. These are not irrational associations. We were able to rationally understand how the dream triggered the fear response. But the association was not developed from a process of reasoning or rational concepts. So, these are considered non-rational associations. Rational or not, the feelings are the same. The reason it is important for the parent to understand the difference is that non-rational associations are seldom conquered by attempts to help the child understand that there is nothing to be frightened of.

In these cases, it can be helpful to simply ask the child if she can teach you how she feels when she hears a scream. When she describes the feeling, ask her where she feels it in her body. She may say something like she feels scarry all over, or she may say she feels a buzzy feeling or a shaky feeling somewhere specific. It helps if you can say something like, "Oh, I don't like it when I get a feeling like that either." Then you can ask her what she would like to do with that feeling or what she would like to comfort her when she is feeling it. You might develop some helpful strategies from such a conversation.

Hope this is helpful for you.

Have her hearing checked. It could be hurting her ears.

Omg my son is 3 and he is the same way he hates when other kids cry and he just becomes very quiet but won't cry and wanta me to carry him and I feel bad cuz I don't like to see him scare I try to tell it's oky he just crying he sad I feel like he feels there pain and he becomes sad

I believe I would have her ears and hearing checked. There is that possibility that it's physically painful for her. It certainly is worth seeing about so you can rule that out. Good luck to you.

Hi, please tell what happened? how has she been? we are having same problem.