Other Adults Bad Language

Hi J.,
I have been in a situation like this in the past and I have said something. It seems to help if you use humor or make more of a light hearted comment.
We were in line at the zoo and when the women got off the phone I told her "Man, it's a good thing my kids did not hear that because they would have charged you like $50 for all the F-bombs!" She was a little shocked that I said something and then laughed it off and said that rates have gone up since she was a kid and then said she was sorry.
I would not suggest repremanding an adult in public or out right tellng him that he has bad behavior. It was a public place and he does have every right to use any kind of language that he wants to. Even though it's totally tacky and inconsiderate.

Hi J.,

I really get quite upset with people who can't seem to be bothered by the presence of children especially at a place where children are supposed to be. I have no problem asking them as nicely as I can to please keep the language down. It's difficult though because you dont want to be a pest or have the person blow up at you. I just try to keep in mind who the person is being unfair to.. If its me I will leave. If it is my children I will stick up for them first.

A.

I have a background in law enforcement, training in self-defense, and almost always carry a concealed weapon, despite all of this I would NEVER confront a stranger for using bad language. There are plenty of nuts out there and you just don't want to initiate a confrontation over foul language. It's not worth it - even if you have the ability to defend yourself.

I call out semi-loudly to my son that we have to leave because "people are using bad and angry words that little kids shouldn't hear."

I've noticed that some people (especially women - who usually seem to have the attitude of "when I'm ticked off, I have the RIGHT to behave as badly as I want") don't respond at all. But many will act ashamed and leave the area.

Hi J., really the best thing is just to remove yourself from the situation, you can't control other people only yourself. If you were to confront him he would probably just be vulgar to you and maybe start trouble he obviously doesn't have any respect for others or he would not talk like that around children (especially)

E.
Seattle, WA

My son has been our language police since day one. He has heard some doozies out of his daddy's mouth and an occasional one out of mine. He has always known they were naughty and would actually get more upset if he heard someone say "stupid". BUT to address your issue. Be safe. That is the most important but my son has told people that "that was a bad word". Adults have smiled, teenagers have ignored but we have always aknowledged his observation but have NOT encouraged it. If there has been hostile swearing we have always vacated immediately. When the kids are old enough, explain that some people don't know how to control themselves when they are angry.

If, of course, I felt safe as others have stressed I would gently "confront." I would assume the person has gotten so engrossed in their conversation that they have forgotten the children are so near. Attempt to politely interrupt the conversation, then ASK "do you realize the children can hear your every word?". If done VERY gently it makes the person aware of the situation without making them feel defensive. If that doesn't work I'd leave or move right away. I like to assume people know better and are willing to behave appropriately if given a gentle reminder.

S.

Hi J.,

I'm right there with the other moms who have said *not* to confront anyone using foul language in public, and that it's also not a good idea to say anything about it within their earshot. The situation could become dangerous for you.

I would just leave the area until they're finished or leave, or I'd leave entirely.

I know it's not fair that you have to abruptly curb your pleasurable outing, but it isn't worth being around that when it bothers you. It especially isn't worth an altercation.

I'm no saint either, by any means, but if any situation bothered or worried me, we left it if we could.

K. W

The best advice it say something, if we continue to not saying nothing happens or move from the area, specially if your children are around.

This has happened to me several times at parks; not usually with a parent, but with teenagers swearing at the park while they are hanging out.

I have had no qualms about going up to them and asking them to stop and reminding them that while it may "seem cool" it certainly isn't, especially around small children who can hear. I have always been really nice about it though.

I would do the same if it were a parent, but I might take a little different approach. I would go up to them and just plea to their commen sense and mention something about the public place and how you don't want that type of language rubbing off on your kids. A person who swears around children obviously doesn't think it's a big deal, but to a parent who doesn't, it really is.

That is a tough one!! I think it depends on the situation. You said the discussion sounded pretty heated, you may have done the right thing. We were at the ocean one time and had a big bonfire, this other couple with small children came over to enjoy our bonfire, which they were welcome. They then started to swear pretty bad. My brother and law just said politely,"please watch your language around my children" We all had our little ones there. I think that way it was turning it around that we don't use that language around our children, and not telling them how to talk around their children. BUt that is a different situation; it was OUR bonfire and we welcomed them. The park is public space and you might get that reaction from the swearer. I would say feel it out. OR try to politely say, "please watch your language around me kids" I am not a confrontational person, I may have done the same thing as you. It is a hard one.

Since I am no angel either, I have been clear with my kiddo that that language is an expression of anger, frustration or pain - usually - and should be used very sparingly and only when it is really necessary to vent those feelings.

The upside of this is that when I do use that language, I get expressions of concern from my child rather than laughs and giggles that mommy was bad. I have never heard 'bad' words from my kid who is now 9. He says this is because he doesn't like to hear them, so he won't be a source of them. I guess he has come up with his own do unto others rule in this case.

Also, when we hear others use that language, he assumes they are angry, sad or hurt and either gives them his sympathy or their space, whichever seems appropriate.

I hope this helps...

Best,
Sarah

I agree that you should use discretion when approaching someone about their language in public...but I am also concerned about ruining your child's fun for a reason they might not be able to comprehend.

In your particular situation, perhaps you could have said something like, "Do you think you could move to where the kids can't hear your language?" If he refuses, at least you have made note to him about his language and then you could ask your child to move away from him...

Funny, I see parents making comments to people who are smoking near children all the time--but for some reason, we get very nervous about peoples' language. In the state of Michigan, a canoeist got arrested for shouting obscenities after he fell out of his canoe and there was a deputy on the shore near a family. Apparently it was an old state law that you could not curse around women and small children! I think the law has since changed, but I found it very interesting.

I start with one word: "language!" and if they glare or continue, I remind them that there are children around and that most of us do not want our children repeating such words, and to please watch their language.

I wouldn't say anything. You could risk the man backlashing at you and you never know he could even be dangerous. You wouldn't want anyone to get hurt or have your children witness it. Nowadays we have to be so careful. People fly off the handle and carry guns. I'm pretty sure he probably wouldn't do that but you just never know. I know what you mean and if I didn't have my kids around I'd probably say something on my way out to him like "Sir, because of your excessive use of the "F" word so close to my kids we had to leave."

I had a boyfriend in highschool that I went to a cartoon I had been wanting to see. In line I kept trying to get him to watch his language because "there are little kids around". Finaly after a frustrating amout of time this wonderful sweet woman turned around and said "excuse me! there are MOTHERS around!" I gave him a very satisfied look as he promptly shut up for the rest of the evening.

Look at the person and ask them, calmly, "Could you please watch your language? There are children present." You should not have to compromise your children's play activity because of one inconsiderate person. He invaded your space. If he got snippy, I would round up my children and tell them, "We are leaving because some people do not know how to use good words in public."

Remind your children that they did not do anything wrong and either move to another part of the park out of earshot, or choose a different place to go on another day. Good luck!

J.,
What an uncomfortable situation. I would definitely leave if someone was doing that.
If I get mad enough I say something to that person.
"Excuse me, would you please tone down your language in the presence of my children." The worse thing he may do is tell you off and then you would leave.
If I don't like the behavior of a parent, I may tell my children it's time to go and loudly say to them, "we are leaving because some parents don't know how to use nice words (or whatever) with children around.
Then I give them a very hard look and walk away with my children in tow.
I don't tolerate bad behavior from children, nor do I tolerate it from adults. I also have my cell phone that if I am threatened or feel threatened I won't hesitate to call 911.
Protect your children and keep them safe.

Usually people who use bad language, at a park or other public place-are people you don't want to confront anyways. It could turn bad. I have just walked away-and given a dirty or disapproving look, or nod my head. Sometimes they see you, sometimes they don't.
My son had underlying pulmonary issues, and can't be around cigarette smoke. If people are smoking way to close to the front door (outside), I would say to my son "We have to run, because there are people smoking at the doorway". I would say this in my louder voice where I wasn't yelling, but I knew they heard me. So I would just sound like an abnoxious mom, which, personally, I don't care what they think. Yes, I would get the dirty looks, but they were not anywhere near the 25 feet away from the doorway-it was close to 2 feet. Maybe you could come up with something similar. But walking away, and giving a disapproving look says it all.
With the cursing, you won't come across it very often because parents do watch what they say around thier kids (me included). I'm no angel either, but I make it a point not to curse in front of my children.

What I usually do is first I will stare to get their attention then if that does not work I say loudly lets move to another spot bc that man is using bad words then I will move as I stare at him. I do not know if that is what you are suppose to do but that is what i do. or my 3 year old will say that man is saying a bad word (she is loud) and i respond yes he is 2xs as loud

I would have confronted him with it. I would not have been rude, but I would have said "excuse me Please, My children are playing right over there and can hear every word you are saying and I would appreciate it if you would watch your language". Simple as that. He probably would have been rude, and indignant, but Its not ok to subject young children to that kind of language.

In a situation like these, it would be better to walk away. I wouldn't say anything unless you were in your home territory. If he was heated...it was probably best you didn't say something. Some people just have no respect for others around them. I've never had the pleasure of telling someone to watch their language, but the thought has been there as well. Sometimes, I wish I could place a shirt on my son that says "I'm a child of 5. My ears are sensitive. Can you please curb the bad language?" Not like it would work. ;) ~B.