Other 3 Year-old Boys Doing This?

I have heard of this happening to other people. It kind of happened to me too. My son loved being with other kids at daycare or with my friend who some times watched him. He enjoyed the other environment and didn't want to go home where he'd be missing the fun. From personal experience I can say that even though I do spend a lot of time with my kids, at 3 years old they realize they are their own person. By spending time away from you he feels more independent and when he goes back to you, he doesn't want to give that up. Don't let it get out of hand and make him listen, even if that means another tantrum. It will be very tough in the beginning, but it's just a stage.

It is possible that he is acting out because he misses you and his father when you are away. It is also possible that he is acting out because he doesn't feel he gets the attention he needs at the sitters when he is there.

I have a 3 year old along with 2 other children and I have found it is very difficult to give the attention they need all the time.

You might try tracking his temper-throwing times. Is it only when he is picked up from the sitters? Does he act the same way when he is homw all day with you?

I hope this helps some. Good luck.

My kids all went through this at about three years old (I have 4)-- it is a normal, but not fun part of the development process. It's like they wake up one day and realize there is a defiant little creature living inside of them and they have to let it out. Eventually, with a lot of parental guidance, they learn to listen to it less and less. It probably isn't because you work and he's mad at you, I'm a sahm and mine all did it to me. I found keeping calm, being sweet but firm helped. Hitting you is never an acceptable behavior, so discipline--however you normally do--consistantly. Reward when you see changes (When I pick you up and you act sweet, you get a spiderman sticker to put on your shirt"--or whatever would entice him).

Also, think through your time after you pick him up: how much time are you spending with just him? Try to set everything aside to do an activity he likes like coloring, reading, snuggling, playing with cars. This is a helpful tool even when they get older! they never get too old for one-on-one time doing something they like.

Try not to react when he acts out-- he may just be trying to see how much of a rise he can get out of you. Just act like it doesn't bother you when he won't hug you or throws a tantrum. If the game doesn't work anymore, he'll get tired of it quickly.

Hope this helps! Remeber how much you love him when all you want to do is pull your hair out.

Relax... All his needs are being met it sounds like.. Remember at age 3 is when kids really start to understand there surroundings and individualize themselves..

Don't react to his tantrums.. Unless there is danger for him or the other baby.

I sit and read all of these messages and honestly we are giving our "little" individuals more power than they know what to do with. Your the boss. Gotta keep it firm. They will respect you more.

Wanted to respond as soon as I saw Kelly P's comment below - my son was doing the same thing when I went to pick him up and bring him home from school (he's 6) and just aaaah, driving me nuts complaining and arguing about NOTHING!!

FEED HIM!

Seriously, when their blood sugar is low, they do not have the emotional/mental control they normally should have. So, if he is in one of his moods or if he has finished all of his lunch at lunchtime (he's usually finishing his lunch on the car ride home), then I make sure he eats something as soon as we get home. Then he is a much more cooperative and reason-with-able child.

(and yes, Kelly, you're probably right on with the lack of sleep too)

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One more thing about the non-cooperating when you go to pick him up or it's time to go wherever. If you've already asked him to leave, and he still doesn't (and it's a safe place where you can do so), say bye bye and leave. Without him. Actually leave and drive away, even if it's just around the block. He'll be shocked and probably very upset, but he will be much more cooperative about leaving when he knows that you mean LEAVE when you say "it's time to go." Feels mean huh, but it really works! and is a lot less mean than having this power struggle each and every day.

Good luck!

Hey H., my son is almost -5- but he behaves in a similar way for the last 6 mos. or so....it's almost always when I pick him up from daycare or my moms (I work full time and my husb is in Afghanistan!) he "let's down" and lashes out at me about anything/everything..."Look what you did mom! It's all YOUR fault mom! Why did you lie to me mom?" when we're driving home, etc...grumpy, cranky, irritable....all about NOTHING!? It's usually a short-lived episode, but it happens DAILY and I'm sick of it too! Otherwise he is as sweet and loving as can be. It's like he gets "possessed"...I hope it's just a "phase" but I also think it's due to not enuff sleep. We go to bed around 930p-10p together nearly every nite (til dad gets home anyway :)) kinda late and I have to wake him about 3-4 days a week around 7am...other days we sleep til whenever. I've heard tho, that if you back up bedtime about 1/2 to 1 hour it makes a diff....hopefully. good luck! K. P. (tucson)

H.-
Shannon's advice is great! The only thing I'd have to add is that any reaction is better than no reaction - especially for a child. So, when he doesn't want to hug and kiss and greet you don't react. Just say, "Alright, maybe later." and let it go. Don't show him you are disappointed or sad. He needs to see reaction to positive behavior and it will turn around quickly.
Good luck!
C.

My 2 1/2 girl is doing the same thing. The owner of our pre-school said that it's normal for this age. They go thru what people call the terrible two's but people don't realize they're just exploring and learning at that age, in fact it's when they reach the 3's that they act bad and we should call them the terrible 3's. Hopefully it passes quickly because I know exactly what you're going thru and it's not an easy phase. I watch a lot of Super Nanny and the only thing I can say is be consistent in whatever technique you use. We use timeout and it seems to work. We also talk to her and explain what she is doing is not nice or good. She really seems to understand.

I agree with the other responses just wanted to add- that even if he is upset with you- how he is expressing it is not OK. Don't let him hit you or yell at you- you are the mom and he needs to respect you just like you respect him. Let him know that it is not OK to treat you that way.. when he is calm and not in the moment talk to him about the situation and ask him how he feels. If he isn't quite clear on expressing emotions yet there are some great books to help him understand the different feelings.

He is just showing he is "mad" at you and doesn't know how to express his frustration. It sucks having to discipline when all you want to do is play and hang out, but eventually he will stop if you set your boundaries. You are doing everything you can and sound like a fantastic mother (& father). He just wants to test you guys, especially in public. Most kids will act out in public bc they "know" or really really think they will get away with it bc most commonly parents will give in, in public bc of the embarrassment and wanting the tantrum to end!
Set boundaries and stay firm. And you know what - who cares what others think if you have to discipline in public, you are the parent to your awesome child, not them! Hopefully this helps a little bit. My child is 2 1/2 and he acts out sometimes especially when I went back to work or when he was staying with a (fantastic) babysitter into what turned into 6 days instead of 3 1/2 days (I was soooo missing the boys) and he acted out quite a bit at first, but is calming down and realizing we are here for him and his little brother.

Have you read "The Five Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman? OH! Wonderful, wonderful book!! Just when you thought couldn't show your children your love for them anymore than you already do . . . .

Everyone has good advice...but...don't feel to guilty about working. I have 4 children. My first two I stayed with them until they both were at least 4. When I had my other two I had to work! All 4 of them went through this. It's a part of growing and all kids are different as well. Realize within yourself that working is actually helping your family and in a way you are putting your family first. It's hard but as long as you continuously show him you are there for him and that you love him then he is fine.

Just recently I had quit my full time job and will be starting a part time job at a law firm as well! I'm doing it for many reasons, first experience since I am new to the legal career and second to be more available to my family. I don't know if this is an option for you but it may help you better balance your family and career. If it's not then don't feel bad about working. Think of it in a different way that you are doing what is best for your family and that is what is important.

Even if he is frustrated all you can do is reassure him you are there for him and just realize that he is growing and at that age he is going to test you on EVERYTHING!!!! Hold your ground as a parent and he will come to realize that you are there for him and he can't "control" you. Trust me my 2 yr old the past few weeks has been very mouthy. I have to put her in time out so much and she tests me all the time. I seriously believe that these years are tough. They want to show their independence and they want to show their feelings but they are also learning how. It will all come together. Just stay strong!

Have you thought of joining any working moms groups? I'm new to the area and found a few that I'm thinking about checking out. They do just Mommy lunches, weekend trips with the kids, and just help each other through the trials and tribulations of being a working Mommy. Hope all goes well for you!

Hi H., I think it's just the age. My son is doing the same type of thing with his behavior. Normally very loving and kind -but by the end of the day it feels like a war zone here - and don't blame it on your working because I'm home all day with him. He gets all our attention but still seems to act out. I thought we might be giving him too much attention. We've been potty training -but no other changes in the house, just the excitement of the holiday. Hang in there. I think it's just the waves of emotions they are going through, learning so much and having a hard time growing up. We try to talk to him, take away things he enjoys; but, definately make him aware of bad behavior when it happens. He bit me yesterday and has been sent to bed after his bath every night this week. It must be the age. If you find something that works for you, please share it with me.