i have a 19 month old boy and 2 months ago i found out from this guys family that he has believed my son has been his since he was 3weeks but never said or did anything due to another guy steppin up and doing the dad thing. we did a dna test which his family bought online and it came out to be this mans son. i owned up to my mistake and apologized to all involved and started doing what was right and establishing that bond with my son and this man but i was doing so in a step by step process so my son can get to know him and his family slowly not rush him into all these new places and people. all was going well until i found out from his mother that he had stated he wanted to take my son out of az to cali to visit his family. keep in mind my son had only known him for a month so i dis agreed and said hes not going without me and ever since things have been sour because they can't be patient enough to allow my son to transition into this slowly they are already demanding overnight and out of state stays. (as i had stated i'd be doing with the results came back this man was his father) so now they are supposedly taking me to court because they feel as if there rights are being violated. i in no way have kept them from seeing my son only requested to take baby steps. i have ceased all contact now though due to the threats of court because i feel like they wanted to rush things to fast and as a mother i didn't/don't feel right throwing my 19 month old into the arms of whom he knows as strangers whether they are family or not.am i wrong for feeling this way?
Well....he has rights to this child whether you play the mommy card or not. I guess it's in the hands of the judge now. Best of luck.
I wonder...did you ever think this man could be his father? Did you have sex with two men very close together? If so...the thought never crossed your mind? Strange...I would have wondered.
Anyway...Did YOU see the DNA results? Go to you DHS office, child support filing office...whoever does DNA tests...and get a test through the state. After that, retain a family lawyer and work out a legal custody agreement. You really have to do this through the courts, or it can get nasty and dangerous. Write everything down, keep any threatening, or angry voice-mails. Anything you do outside the court or through attorney, is not legally binding.
You have valid concerns and if they do take it to court, I would lawyer up!! Further, if they press the issue out side of court, I might mention that this man owes you 19 months worth of unpaid child support. If he is has cash to try to take your son out of state, he can pay back child support. That might cool his jets a bit.
Good luck!!
No you are not wrong being cautious is a good thing,
That's a tough place to be. You have the right to protect your son. If I was in your shoes I would do the same thing. If they love your son then they should give him and you time to be comfortable with them taking him without you. Especially out of state. I'd definitely say no to that. That sounds scary. I'd allow them to see your son just to keep peace, but just for short visits at a time.
Good luck. I'm so sorry. What a tough thing.
You might want to still do visits with you present because eventually the court will order some type of visitiation. Better your baby knows them and feels comfortable instead of just being thrown into it again.
He can take him on a trip next year- it's too soon right now.
Do this the right way with an actual paternity test that is valid legally and go through a lawyer to establish the visitation schedule. You could try starting with mediation and see what happens.
To be honest, it sounds like his family is pushing this situation. I wonder what he would say if it were just the two of you (and the lawyers) having this conversation.
In most states a child can't be taken out of county lines much less out of state without permission of the other parent. This works both ways. Most Judges won't let a child that young visit for an extended amt of time either, esp given the circumstances . You were doing the right thing. If the father and his family really cared about the child's welfare, they wouldn't rush things, they're actually being selfish for their own benefit. You technically don't have to let him even see the child until legal paternity has been determined and the whole thing has gone before a Judge. Don't allow anything now, you won't agree to for the long term. It can bite you in the butt if you allow it now and then change your mind in front of a Judge, they don't normally look to kindly on you. I wish you the best , think things thru throroughly before acting on this and ask him and his family how they'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot ?! C. S.
You need to talk to a lawyer, do not wait. You need to protect your rights and your child.
A mail order DNA test will not hold up in court so he has absolutely no rights to this child right now unless you went ahead and amended his birth certificate. I would not let your son go out of state with him but if I were you I would go to the court right now and start the process of making everything legal so he does have visitation rights and parental rights. In the end it will make you look better. And no I would not let him take your son out of state. Let them know after everything is done he can take your son.
Get to a lawyer and set up a real paternity test, child support, and custody. Get to a therapist and get some guidance on how to introduce and trasition into this relationship. Ask the father to speak with the therapist. I frankly think your son would be okay with a long visit. However, you have no basis on which to trus tthis man or know wha tkind of father he is or the situation he will put your son in. And I would be sacred until i know more, so I am recommending you stall and force this to go more slowly. And if he doesn't abide by the rules, call the polic. He has no legal rights now, although morally, I think he should see the child. And i think your willingness ot go on the trip is wonderful.
Tell him you know he tried to do the right thing in the past andit has bitten him, and to please jsut take it slow. Offer him reassurances that you only want him and his son to hav emore experience together first.
