Only Whines with Mommy

Hey -- it's hard, but try to remember two really, really important things:

1) it's normal, it's a phase, and it's temporary. you are describing classic (if annoying) behavior patterns of a healthy, well adjusted 10 month old.

2) he's a BABY. ascribing adult motives to infant behaviors will drive you insane very fast. his whining is not deliberate (or manipulative) at this age. he is expressing himself. babies this age experience TREMENDOUS frustration and anxiety. They are becoming aware for the first time that there is a big huge world out there, but they cannot quite process it, or talk about it, or walk through it yet. the fac that he whines and clings with you, his primary caregiver, and not with others is annoying but it is a very healthy attachment sign. your baby has only recently started to grasp the fac tthat you and he are separate beings. up to now he has not even considered that possibility (a reason why SOOO many babies say "dada" before "mama", or seem to disregard their moms in favor of anyone else -- they actually see you as an extension of themselves).

the whining is brutal, beleive me i know. i have a not quite 1 yr old girl and as darling as she is i want to lock her in the bathroom about 30 times a day right now. it might really help though to rememebr that in a big way, these behaviors are not personal. he is not developmentally capable of attempting to punish, manipulate, or push your buttons at this age. he is ONLY expressing his fear, anxiety and frustration at a world that is too big for him to handle and a lot of physical and mental changes that come very very fast at this age. you are the safest place he has to vent that stuff. try to smile through it and be patient -- he will get through it fast.

Hi K.,

I have two girls and know where you are coming from. Honestly, as a mom the second time around you learn from your mistakes with the first one. With my first one I can remember specific incidents that have stuck with me about "not giving in, just to show her she doesn't get her way". With the second one you realize that at the age of 10.5 months I don't think he is thinking that far ahead as to pull one over on you. You have to remember that he has only been on this earth for 10.5 months and sometimes our expectations are higher than they are able to meet. Believe me I know first hand. I feel like I am a different mom with the second, a little older a little wiser. My second one was a whiner. She is now 16 months and things are getting better. It is hard for them to communicate at this age and I think much of her whining was trying to communicate and not sure how to do it. We started signing with her and that has helped. He probably only whines with you because you are the face he sees the most. This too will pass. They are little for such a short time and you will laugh about this very shortly. I would say to just repeat yourself and ask what he wants. He may be tired or teething, that is very painful and I wouldn't want to go through it again! I know it is a test of our patience, but reading your request made me realize my whiner doesn't whine anymore and it was a constant for us. Hope this helps, remember that you are doing a great job and the hardest job that nothing else can prepare you for!

Wow, it's like your describing my 13 month old son, too! He is also clingy & whiny wanting me to pick him up and hold him all the time, yet sometimes this isn't enough. He too is good with other people, unless he's really tired. I think they are just extremely attached to us as the primary caretaker and are used to us "making things better" on their own. I think this happens with a lot of first-borns b/c there'e no one to compete for mom's attention. I've tried to not pick him up most of the time and instead I'll say something comforting, sometimes sit down with him to hug him and/or re-direct his energies to playing. I know that's really hard when he's crying but it seems our little guy needs to learn that he has to entertain himself for short periods of time--even if that means he cries the whole time at first--he'll eventually learn to play for short periods on his own. As long as you do get out during the day to see new sights/people there's no reason for him to be "bored" unless he gets used to you providing all the entertainment! Good luck. I console myself with the idea that he is very well attached to me. Kids won't whine with people they don't trust.

this sounds completely normal unfortunately. when a newborn screams at the top of their lungs because they need something it is frustrating for us, but still completely normal.

your son is still an infant, I wouldn't consider what he is doing 'whining'. I also wouldn't consider what you do to comfort him 'giving in'. This is a prime time for separation anxiety and it will pass, but labeling a baby 'well behaved' and having behavior expectations of them at this age is impossible and only going to cause you more frustration.

With kids there is something challenging at each stage, I think it just comes with the territory of being a mom. Try not to worry about what other people think about how you 'give in' to your child's needs and how you comfort him. It will only make it worse. I know it is frustrating and as a mom you feel so pulled in every direction sometimes, but it can be done and it will pass. :) Remember it's normal and you aren't the only one. Good luck!