One Sided Sibling Rivalry... Suggestions Needed, PLEASE

I am going through the same situation with my 4 year old and 19 month old. They constantly pick on each other and all I deal with ALL day long is crying, whining, hitting, etc. Its hard enough to stay home and do housework but also deal with their fighting with each other and fighting them just go to the store (they struggle with me on putting their clothes on and my 4 year old says "He cant do it" and that makes me angry when I know he can and I've seen him do). I also tried calmly, punishment, yelling, spanking but nothing works, because after his punishment is done he does the picking him the youngest again. Plus, it doesnt teach my youngest how to act. About the car seat thing, they say its safest in the middle so I put the booster on one side and the other in middle. And I have to carry some toys, snacks, drinks with me because its enough distraction with the cars around me, I dont need a distraction in the backseat with the boys fighting and whining. I know I have no advice but I'm glad that im not alone here. If you get some advice email me because Im lost and frustrated too.

I don't have this particular problem but I do have a 3.5 son with one on the way. I've gearing up for the summer (and for the little one on the way) and trying to think of things for us to do, and to keep his behavior in check. I just started this week with an "good job" ink stamp reward at the end of the day. I tell him that if he's a good boy with no time outs and eating most his lunch/dinner than he gets a stamp on his hand. I give to him a little after dinner so he can have time to enjoy them. When he starts acting up I say "ok, no stamp" and will say "oh, ok, sorry". I told him after 7 days of stamps he gets to pick a toy. His goal this week is a new Shrek doll. I plan to get a calander and put a stamp on it each day so he can see how many stamps he has.

I got the stamps at Michael's, it was a teachers 3 pack with ink. Of course you can try other rewards system, whatever works best for him (like a sucker or stickers or a promise to go to the park).

My son acts up when ever my husband comes home or we go to dinner. I think he is trying to get his attn even if it neg because my husband gets so frustrated with it. My son sees that and takes advantage of it.
Sounds like hes doing the same thing. Knowing you are driving and you cant really stop him, and he has control. While you are driving you can talk to him about stuff he likes and does (soccer or super heros). This may give him the attn he needs along with a little distraction.

Good luck,

TLee

Hi M.,

I am by no means an expert since we are just about to start this journey. So take what you will from my comments.

We did take a child care class this past weekend where the lady told us to not give the baby too many things in the car. This was just to make sure that there were no projectiles if you were to get into a car crash. Also, to make sure the baby didn't have something that she could choke on food/beverage in the car for the same reason. That being said, I know this isn't what most parents consider realistic for car rides.

Your kids are about the same years apart as my brother and I were. My parents made us play car games with them. So maybe if you got him engaged in the scenery, you wouldn't have as many issues. Find signs with words that go through the alphabet or count the restaurants (or whatever). We played bury your horses which is kinda difficult in a city since you don't see a lot of horses and cemetaries, but that was fun for long car rides. Your son is at a point where he needs more interaction from you and when he gets in trouble for doing things to Ali, he is getting it, even though it is negative.

Also explain to him that he is the big brother that he is her protector. She will always be there and she needs him. My bubba turns 40 this week. I know I was not always easy on him, especially at that age, but I adore him. We've been through everything together and he was my rock.

Good luck!

Jodi

M. -

My sister had this problem with her son & baby - she solved it by buying a portable DVD player for her older son & let him watch videos in the car for long trips (I don't know what her definition of a long trip is...) So on one hand, yes, tv is bad, the devil, blah blah...but on the other hand, it can solve the problem....you can rent/buy episodes of Dora, Diego, Thomas, all those type shows.

As for other times...she focused really hard on making her older son "mommy's helper" (which I don't think was easy to do for a boy). She gave him actual jobs related to the care of the baby. It seemed like it worked, as she would talk about how good he was with the baby. Not being in the household, I don't know what specific things she had him do, but she had received that advice from someone else and used it.

So maybe those two things might help....I hope you get some good responses!! And Good luck! Hang in there!!