On the Fence with Changing Schools. WWYD?

Wrong crowds can happen at any school. What happens if you switch and they run into say thing, change school again?

How much time can you spend volunteering at the current school? I have noticed the parents that are up at school, helping in the office, the library, the lunch room, helping teachers, tend to have kids that do not get in with the bad crowds.

Their parents are in constant contact with the staff and administration, their kids have a hard time stepping out of line because their parents are easy to speak with at any moment.

Maybe consider your volunteer time at the end of the day on different days so they really never know when you will be there.

Also consider getting them involved in after school activities, so they are scheduled to leave campus. Or to got to tutoring or to tutor younger children at the local library, after school care, rec center.

Or have to go straight to the after school activity.

These behaviors can follow them wherever they go, your job is to redirect them and let them know you have eyes and ears on alert at all times.

A different school just makes more work for all of you, why not make your neighborhood school your priority.

I don't see how changing schools is going to help. The real issue is that your girls seem to be drawn to the "wrong" crowd, and that won't change no matter where they are at.
And you can't choose a school based on the principal, principals come and go, but the overall culture and environment generally stays the same.
Are your daughters involved in sports, church or any other outside activities? Kids who are busy tend to stay out of trouble. I'd start looking at that, and also at what is driving them to be attracted to these other girls in the first place. They are at the age of rebellion and experimentation, and a change of scenery isn't going to change the underlying desires that drive them.

Kids can do poorly in the best of schools or succeed in the worst of schools. I think the key is getting them involved and invested in their school. I told my daughter, I did not care what after school activity she wanted to do (yearbook, band, robotics club etc.) but she had to do something. As a result my daughter is flourishing (she picked drama). She has so many friends and is kept so busy she really does not have time to get in trouble. Although she is a sophomore she has taken on leadership roles in the theatre company and I could not be prouder.

In my personal experience at that age, changing schools can make a HUGE difference. My situation was a little different in that I was bullied, but my parents researched school districts really well and moved us to a neighborhood with a top-notch school. No bullying problem there at all. Totally different types of kids, mostly academically oriented.

At the same time, in your situation I wonder if a new school might not stop the problem. There is some reason your daughter is choosing the wrong friends and it's possible she could seek out the same type of troublemakers at a new school. If you can't get to the bottom of it, maybe it's worth having her talk to a counselor? There may be some underlying issue -- perhaps an insecurity she needs to work out -- causing her to identify with the wrong people.

Changing schools might make a difference or it might not.
She might seek out the same sort at the other school.
I was just wondering exactly what criteria makes these girls that your daughters hang out with the 'wrong' girls.
Are they stealing, doing drugs, sexually active, gang activity, etc?
Changing schools might get them going in another direction.
But some kids seem to have to do things the hard way - making bad choices then living with the outcome over and over again before they learn to make other choices - but some never learn.
Go ahead - change schools and see what happens.

I have a friend whose daughter decided to act up like yours. She told her daughter that since she couldn't behave, she would have mom in class with her, at lunch with her and in the halls with her. It took less than one day of mom being at school to straighten her out. She had a choice, behave or have mom at school with her -- every minute of the day.
She had the support of the administration and the teachers... They appreciated a mom who was willing to think outside the box...
YMMV

Geographic changes will not help. There is the "wrong" element at every school. If they found it where they are, they will find it at a new school. Also, I think it's a cop out to blame others for your children's poor choices/behavior. They must learn to accept personal responsibility for their behavior and you have to learn to let/make them accept that responsibiliy.

What do you mean "they have shadowed"? What does that mean?

So, to answer your question what would I do? I would make my GD be responsible for her own behavior; when speaking to her about her behavior I would not allow her to talk to me about ANYONE ELSE - she can only talk about HER behavior and HER choices. And I would implement some negative consequences for the negative behavior.

You don't know if changing schools will make a difference with the behavior. If they are hanging out with the wrong crowd now, they could very well get with the wrong crowd at another school. It is hard to say what might happen. ALL schools have a wrong crowd.

If they are doing well in class and behavior is also good in the class, then you are looking at changing behavior outside the class. It sounds like they need a wake up call.

I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation.

As for me... our daughter was at a specific high school with was grades 9-10. It was he$$ at this school for 2 years because SO many different types of students were thrown together. My daughter was a cheerleader as well. in the spring of the 9th grade when she was named captain of the cheer squad, her life began to change due to mean girls, online threats, my house being vandalized, the list goes on. She could not drive her car to school in 10th grade due to the threats of someone damaging it. The police had her park in a specific spot when she had to drive to school so it was on a camera. Police were involved with several people during this year to year and a half.

We were scheduled by the district to go to a specific Sr High School which is grades 11-12. My daughter was emotionally drained from 10th grade and did not want to go to school with these mean people. We opted to transfer her for a fee with the district and she flourished at her Sr high school. She was still qualified to be on the cheer squad and in the spring of the 11th grade, she was named Varsity Captain which was he$$ again because of 6 girls who had come through the program and one of them thought she was supposed to be the Captain. My daughter perservered greatly and led the squad well. It was nothing like the high school level.. just some mean looks, etc. She is friends with all of the girls from her Senior high school now.

I would watch for any type or signs of drug use. It is in the lower level schools around here. You can find bad kids in every school as well. Your daughters have to learn how to not engage with this group type.

Are your daughters involved in anything extracurricular? I would keep them busy. One thing that my daughter started around age 7.5 and worked for 7 years was martial arts. She got her black belt and not only is the self defense aspect very good, you also learn a lot of self control, and good guidelines to live by.

I know you can't forbid kids to see certain kids because that just makes them want to be involved with who you don't like even more. They need to be redirected somehow with extra curriculars or counseling in order to turn around. Are they interested in college? Let them know that college admissions counselors look at ALL behavior from about 6th grade up. Your daughters could do something now that would mess up a college career.

Hang in there.... this age group is not easy. Let us know what you choose to do.

Re-direct the 13 year old to clubs out of school and help her to find friends that are more desirable. Figure out why she is choosing this crowd. If you don't it is likely she will gravitate towards the same type of kids in another school. Monitor her closely. Talk to counselors. Stay involved. Take parenting classes (Love and Logic). Wait and see. You can change schools later if need be, but I would not rush into it since it sounds like you are in a good school.