Older, Never Wiser: Seeking Help with ADD Kid!

Here is a web site that has really good articles with wise advice about dealing with Add and Adhd kids. Just scroll down to find the topics that interest you.

http://www.empoweringparents.com/category-Adhd-And-Add.php

Dear S.,

Has your son been to a doctor recently? It sounds like he might benefit from some quality time with a good MD/mental health professional. THe treatments available for someone who is 20 may be very different than what was offered when he was younger. Was your son formally diagnosed as having ADD? I know that you recognize a lot of the symptoms, but there might be something more or something else going on as well. Also, It sounds like you could really benefit from some counseling yourself. Linden Oaks is the mental health hospital that is next door (and part of) Edwards hospital in Naperville. They have all sorts of support groups. My husband and I cared for my husband's younger brother for almost a year during a mental illness crisis. After a while, the Linden Oaks counselors told us that we were enabling his illness. Your son is 20 years old. He should either be in school, or doing something productive which enables him to live independantly. You don't say if your son lives with you or not, but obviously there is a lot of involvement if he was working for your husband. If he is living with you and/or working for your new husband, he does not have the independence he needs to see what it takes to make it in the real world. He may not get the motivation necessary to either make lifestyle changes or take medication if you continue to provide the necessaries of life. Some of the alternative treatments people talk about are extremely effective for ADD, but you can't make a 20 year old take fish oil, avoid sugar and artifical colors, and exercise regularly. He will have to decide to make these life changes on his own. This is a very hard situation for a parent to be in -- I understand. But, you should know that you have done your best to raise your son, and that sometimes "tough love" is the best love. If he has bills to pay and responsibilities to meet, maybe he will be inspired to make the changes necessary to fulfull those responsibilities. I wish you lots of luck.

my son has add as well he needs to not eat anything with dyes in it or anything that is artificial and then my son takes go fish here is the website www.drsearsfamilyapproved.com it helps with Capacity, Behavioral Attitude, Focus and Mood. so i hope this helps

Hi S. Try getting some counseling for the whole family. Because your son needs to take his medicine. Things are not going to get any better unless he gets some help. He's an adult so it may not easy getting him to see this but some kind of intervention is needed.

Oh my gosh, we are in the same life! Well, just about. I have a twenty four year old and a nineteen year old. My nineteen year old has a few other issues and has been able to keep a job, but has trouble with school. He recently was about to fall apart and someone told me to tell him that what he was taking is not necessarily the perfect 'cocktail' that there are many different combosof medications and now he is really doing better. In just a short while! So don't give up. He is just masquing his disappointment I am sure. Hurts moms to see this. And I know he knows in his heart that he would like to do well. We just look for quick fixes and we need to keep trying things. I didn't see where you are located but a good place to look up some of this stuff is NAMI-National Organization for mental illness (I know it sounds derogatory to these kids, but they are helpful). You can look it up. Plus the problem with this age group, they are under a lot of peer pressure and don't want to take medications since there is unfortunately partying at times. My son is fighting this battle, too. Please continue to stay in touch if you want!

Hi S.
My husband and oldest son (23 yrs)have been diagnosed with ADD. They both were on meds for several years. My husband decided they were a health risk. He has learned to cope with the frustrations of ADD and actually runs a successful business.
My son was diagnosed at 16 and we gave him the choice to try meds. He has used, Concerta, Adderall and tried Straterra. Although he felt he needed to be on meds while in school we always discussed my desire for him to make lifestyle changes instead of depending on drugs. Regular vigorous exercise, omega 3 supplements and the regular use of meditation or self-hypnosis recordings have proven to be immensely helpful. I have found Dr Amen's books on ADD helpful & I recommend The ADD Answer by Dr Frank Lawliss. Driven to Distraction & Delivered from Distraction are excellent books as well. These helped me learn to understand their behavior so now I dont take it personally.
My son tends to get frustrated more and is less cooperative now that he has weaned himself off the meds but he continues to meet his responsibilities. He works for his dad while finishing school,pays his own tuition and the upkeep of his car. He is good about taking omega supplements and is more centered when he is exercising regularly.
All of us, including my other son & daughter, will continue to be challenged by both my husband & son having ADD. So I make sure to manage my own stress levels with regular exercise and self-hypnosis.
My advice comes down to this~ do what you can to take care of yourself and focus on his positive traits. I make the effort to let go of worrying about my son's future so I can enjoy the handsome, lovable, funny, kind person he has become. His dad is successful despite having ADD so there is no real reason for me not to believe similar success is in store for our son.

I am struggling with this same thing with my 9 year old. Somehow, HE needs to figure out that this is his problem that he has to own and manage. Maybe a counselor of some kind to help hm with this realization? IF he took meds for years, he did not develop strategies to deal with is ADD. He has to develop them now or be reliant on meds his whole life

I go to a Natural Doctor in St. Charles and I know that they help with ADD there! might want to give them a call and see, i know alot of it has to do with diet...

The morning radio talk show I listen to has a DJ that talks about taking his meds and how the work for him all the time. The show is very adult topic orientated but, since your child is 20, I'm sure he has heard a lot of what they talk about all the time. Maybe looking into his story can inspire your son.
Drex in the Morning on KISS

Some wonderful advice. Please, try the natural options first, as there are so many success stories without drugs involved. Diet, certain dyes in foods (yellow, blue, red especially), sugars, etc, will induce hyperactivity; recent studies have shown that taking fish oil (1000 mg)(mercury free) helps focusing, reduces hyperactivity. If after testing, and trial and error, nothing else works, small amounts of certain drug may help.
Studies have shown that 1/4 cup of Mountain Dew has the same effect as Ritalin, but use just for school.
The main thing to please emphasize to him is that there really isn't anything wrong with him.Being in his 3rd year of college is a great accomplishment. Everyone is different. So, what is normal behavior? The child who sits in a classroom with hands folded and doesn't talk till he's spoken to? Being a former teacher, thats the child I'd be concerned with.
Also, are you aware that the majority of doctors are ADD!!!