Okay

Try 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan. I found the book at the library a few years ago and it works...like magic!

My recommendation is that you rethink your expectations. Four-year-olds can almost never "go sit," regardless of the incentive. That's not how they're wired. By asking her to do that, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. If you need her to entertain herself for a minute, direct her toward something active and imaginative. A 20-minute time out is also far too long (5 times longer than it should be) for her age.

All that said, a lot of what you're describing does sound like a growth spurt. And chances are the worst of it will pass as that levels off. But I do recommend realistic expectations and age-appropriate consequences.

P.S. Actually, I AM the grammar police. It's what I do for a living. Just saying ... ;)

Whew, morning attitude. Does your daughter get that from you?

As far as the grammar police, YOU are her role model and as a teacher, I'd nip the grammar errors in the bud. You don't want her growing up and appearing uneducated because of her grammar do you?

Look within yourself. Sending her to her room for 20 minutes is obviously not working. So, change your behavior and expectations. She is old enough to learn about cause/effect and the consequences that follow.

Nothing like a Monday morning temper tantrum in the what happened. If you react that way to a polite mention that your question is hard to read I would imagine the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

That is serious advice, do as I say not as I do doesn't work with older kids who have a handle on executive function, a four year old, they are little mirrors.

So look at your own behavior, did she not move quick enough, did she not do exactly what you wanted, did you pick the fight and not realize it. In 20 minutes did your attitude change, did you calm down?

Sorry but I have seen and I have been pretty nasty about bad grammar and those two ladies were polite about it. Get a grip on your temper and you will find your daughter will get a grip on hers.

Please use sentences. Your post is so hard to read.

If she throws a toy, she loses the toy for a week.
If she yells and is rude -- time out.
It will get worse before it gets better.

I found that my kids were worse during the half years - 2 1/2, 3 1/2, 4 1/2, etc. Just keep doing what you are doing. Eventually they grow up and go to college. :)

Why didn't you have her help you clean up? That's part of family/dinner time in our house. Sending her out of the room when she probably just wants to be with you doesn't make sense to me. Kids WANT to be involved, involve her and she will be happier and more pleasant.

B.:

Do you talk to your daughter the way you are "talking" to us? If so - there's your problem right there....

You are modeling the behavior you want from her - she sees how you behave and act - and she might be mimicking you...

The only way you can "curb" this? Is to treat her the way YOU want to be treated. She's a child but still deserves respect to be shown to her.

You need to be consistent. Discipline must be immediate and swift. Just as discipline needs to be immediate and swift - so does catching her being good and rewarding her for good behavior.

Twenty minutes is far too long for a 4 year old to be in time out.

Have you had her checked for juvenile diabetes?
Does her breath smell sweet when she wakes up?

If there's arguing at home - between the parents - they pick up on that and react to it as well. If you and your boyfriend (you're not married, right?) are fighting or talking to each other rudely - she sees it and mimic's it. So before you start disciplining her? You need to look in the mirror and see how YOU behave....you can't be the "do as I say - not as I do" parent. It won't work.

And yes, you do need to learn how to spell and use punctuation and grammar properly. Stop making excuses. You are your daughter's role model. Do you really want her walking around talking like this? Lord, I hope not!!!

Best of luck to you!! You need to really take a hard look in the mirror and see how YOU behave....if she is simply acting like YOU and your boyfriend - then ALL of you need to change!

As the Mom of a now 5 1/2 year old little girl I can say it does get better. When she is not yelling ask her why she does it. The answer could be interesting. With my daughter it was because she felt we were not listening to her. It could partially be caused by the growth spurt but she needs to learn that proper behavior is expected even when she is tired etc. While she won't entirely get it it at this age you are laying a foundation for when she is older.

In terms of punishiment for bad behavior I would and still sometimes do take away toys (her favorite at that time) for bad behavior which she then has to earn back by being good. I found it more effective than being sent to her room because in her room she can play.

Good luck!

(Oh and please, it would be gratefully appreciated if you not use "n" quite so much. It made your question a bit difficult to get through. Thanks!)

Wow some of these responses are harsh! Not sure how a question asked here typed on a phone represents the example you set for your children....

Really don't have any advice, I have a 4 year old who still throws fits and I'm sure some are in part to my responses to things he does but no body's perfect.. Good luck! I think when we look back we won't remember all the crazy stuff but the cuddles and smiles!!

she sounds pretty much just like mama.
khairete
S.

Throw toys on the floor?
"I need you to pick that up and put that away now please." Calmly. No compliance?
"I need you to sit on this chair (in an out-of-the-way place) until you are ready to do what I ask."
In this way, she is still given control over herself to comply when she's ready.

Yelling?
"You may go yell in your room; you may not yell at me." (calmly, modeling the attitude and behavior you want to see.) "You are welcome to join us when you are ready to use a talking voice."

Growth spurt or not, I think there was some sort of disconnect between asking her to 'go sit'--why not 'daddy and I are finishing up the dishes, could you go make things nice for movie night?' or if it was a long wait 'Sweetie, we have 10 minutes before movie night. Do you want to go play for a few minutes and I'll set a timer so we all don't forget?"... these are options. Being told to just 'go sit' doesn't usually address the problem of the anxious, anticipatory child. It sounds like she had some other unmet need which wasn't being addressed, even if it was 'just' a need for attention.

Also, do give her credit that her attitude improved after she took that long break. Maybe instead of a movie night, she needs more interaction? Or maybe an earlier bedtime? I know that when my son is going through a growth spurt, perhaps tired or uncooperative at times, I just start the bedtime routine earlier. I don't even TELL him about it, and as they don't know how to tell time yet, let that ignorance work for you. I just start the bedtime routine 30-45 minutes earlier, let him have his stories, cuddles, (he usually has some quiet play, 'stay up' time, and so I shorten that without telling him as well). Be proactive when she's getting grouchy; maybe instead of a family movie night, it could be a short video (20 minute episode of something soothing), stories and snuggles.

My guess is also that she may do better for her preschool teachers and coaches, because they are not her parents and therefore are a bit of an unknown quantity; some kids really do save their unlovely behavior for mom and dad. Get ahead of her, be proactive in adjusting the routine when you see she needs more rest, and try not to get upset with others. I almost didn't post because I do not want to attract your ire, either.

I'm guessing the 'n' is supposed to be a space? I tend to hit the 'b' or 'v' all of the time when on my tablet or phone lol

Just be consistent, have realistic expectations and make sure to follow through when you do discipline.

Four-year-olds are starting to become independent thinkers yet do not always have the tools they need to get the power the crave. You might try empowering her at every opportunity. For example, when you are trying to clean the dishes, say "While we are cleaning up the kitchen, you can either clean the living room or draw a picture of a Candy Kingdom for the refrigerator. Which do you choose?" Limited choices are very empowering for preschoolers. Also, heap on the praise when she makes good choices so she will want to repeat them.

My son's 4th year was much more terrible than the twos. But, this too shall pass. Good luck!!!

I have a hard time when I type questions on my cell too. I was about to read what you had written well enough to get the gist of it.

Sometimes it's just a matter of being worn out at the end of the day. Be calm and consistent and she will get it.

you are probably right about the growth spurt and sometimes that goes with needing more sleep.

I think you're doing the right thing already. You just need to stick with it and remain consistent. She'll come around.

If she's tired, perhaps you could consider sending her to bed early to be a good method to use as well.