Oh.. Its Not That Bad!!

I was chatting with an aquaintance whose husband had recently passed. Her pastor warned her that people would say really awful, inappropriate things, just because they dont know what to say and dont think it thru. She felt really glad he had warned her....

Yes, you are over reacting. BUT its understandable.

BTW, Albert Einstein was asked by a reporter, how it felt to have to work with people that weren't as smart as he was. He replied, "All of us are ignorant, just in different subjects." I did something yesterday Einstein never learned to do, I tied my own shoes.

People who are compassionate wish they could help "make things better". They say things that to them are trying to help you, but sometimes don't because your perspectives are different.

Just remember, doctors "practice medicine". Its not an exact science. I wish you well and hope the diagnosis is wrong or that your son gets better. I was a substitute teacher and often helped in classes where autistic kids were present. I feel for you.

Good luck to you and yours.

no, you're not overreacting. That is horribly obnoxious and rude of her. I'm so sorry about your son

It's some people's way of showing support and being reassuring and conversational. I wouldn't be offended. It's better than people acting weird and awkward and not saying anything at all, or acting overly depressed over the information.

*added
I agree... I've heard it too, especially during tragedy. I heard the weirdest things and behaviors from people when my dad died. I think it could be her tone or how she implied it. Not everyone understands the seriousness of Autism.

People say stupid things like that all the time. When my daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes we were devastated. She was only 19 months old- not that age makes a difference! The day after she was released from the hospital the lady at the pharmacy cheerfully said, "Oh well, at least it's not cancer!" Seriously, we are glad that our kids don't have cancer but have some TACT!!!!! And understand that the work we do as parents far exceeds people's imaginations. Geesh!
I could write a book about the idiot things that come out of people's mouths. I am not talking about the compassionate people who just don't know what to say and it comes out wrong, I am talking about the people who arrogantly form an opinion about something they know nothing about and treat it very flippantly.

You are not over reacting. Thankfully, the majority of people are kind and have a clue. Hugs! I don't know the day to day for parents of kids with autism but my heart goes out to you!

If my friend came to me and had news such as Autism or anything else I honestly would not know what is right or wrong to say.

Had she said "oh that's terrible" ...that wouldn't be right either. Give her a little break. No she doesn't know what it feels like and she probably just said the first thing that came to her. Yes, her story was absurd, and not helpful.

Use her as resource when times are rough and you just need someone to pull you out. I know I have a friend that when times are hard for me, I know that she is the person to say "Mel...things are going to be fine you've just got to not be so upset"....

Well, yeah, you are overreacting, but it's understandable. You're upset by the diagnosis and what it means.

Your friend is only trying to help. She just didn't know what to say. We've all stuck our foot in out mouth at some point in time. I'm sure you are guilty of this too.

If she does it again, I would say something.

I just don't think she knows what to day or has never been in the situation. When mu son had to be checked for diabetes and he failed the first test and had to go back for the fasting test I had to tell my boss I needed to come in late to take him to the doc and I was very upset. She blurted out, it's not that bad! Its can be controlled its not like its terminal. I just stood there looming at her. I couldn't believe she just said that
You know it didn't matter and he is my child and I don't want him to be sick ever. I pissed me off something fierce. Thank goodness it came bad ok but you want the nest for your child and it's out of your control im sorry y'all are going through this and I would just get as much information as possible so you can get to helping him asap! Good luck mama

Oh my gosh - I can relate. I think she was trying to be supportive but I think maybe what you needed was something a little more personal.
When I told my mom her response was, "well he's still your son and you'll love him just as you did; all kids/parents have challenges." Well = of course but that doesn't mean that it's not sad for me, that I don't know what to expect......basically I didn't know that my feelings could basically be "Welcome to Holland" (recently read that and wish I'd known of it 2 years ago when we heard the diagnosis).
Anyway - back to your friends response (and my mothers) - it seems as though you're just being blown off but I think really they just haven't a clue what to say or how to make you feel better; or how you feel.

I have a whole soapbox I could go off on but I won't make this any longer.....if you need support or want to just vent or 'chat' about what you are going through you may PM me anytime...

I can understand why it upset you. Shes probably trying to cheer you up, and support you, show you a "brightside" if there is one. You have to understand you see it from a whole different view than she does. Forgive her and let her help you when things get tough.
When my daughter was first diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, I had a friend who said, " well just be glad she doesnt have cancer"...WHAT? well, you know, cancer is terrible, and I wouldnt wish that on anyone, but you have a good chance with cancer that surgery or medication or treatment can stop it. Diabetes not so much. People dont really understand how much we hang on to every word they say in a time like this. And it can sting. You just have to know she didnt mean any harm. I hope your son is doing well.Give him a hug.

Yea I took a test online too. Apparently I am Autistic as well according to the test. Well I am Not! I do however work with children who have autism in school. While I understand it's hard to come to terms with early intervention is the best key. How old is your son? I think maybe your friend doesn't know what to say to be supportive and that was her answer for you. Maybe she didn't mean it to be hurtful but more of ok he's has Autism lets move on. Even though you still need time to absorb what has happened. Just because he has autism doesn't mean the world stops. I have had many students with the right support and technology put in place function in a 'normal' classroom setting. You will be ok and you and your son will get through this together.

That isn't bad advice however, it wasn't appropriate to give to someone on your situation.

I think we all need to learn the art of giving good advice and learning how to cope w/advice that hurts our feelings. B/c in truth, we want our kids to deal w/these situations well too, right?

I heard that to from people wheny son was diagnosed as bipolar. Its like yea i know it could be worse and it's something you have to deal with...but it doesn't make it easy. Sometimes people say things because they dot understand. My son was diagnosed by three pyschs and each one I hoped would say something different. It's been about 6 months since he was diagnosed and I still find it hard to come to terms with it. Stay strong!

I would have said the same and I have an autistic son. He is PDD so Autism spectrum. Saying Autistic makes it sound like Rainman, that is why you got that reaction.

You say Autism people think Rainman, then they look at you son who is high functioning and they think it isn't so bad because it isn't. Then your reaction made her back peddle so she came up with that stupid story. I do agree it was a stupid story.

You need to develop thicker skin because you will keep getting those comments and worse. People don't know what you need to hear, you can't hold that against them or you will spend your life upset like this.

What I mean is taking what you said and applying it to my situation I would consider your take on things flip. I went through four years, seeing 15 different psychologists, two neurologist and god knows how many therapists. In the end its not so bad because it isn't, ya know?

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