OCD Control Exertion in 4 Year Old

This doesn't sound like OCD (a clinical condition, and not a term that should be thrown around lightly), it sounds like a very typical 4 year old girl looking to push the limits and engage in a power struggle. Demanding and bratty, yes. Obsessive, compulsive, no.

I'm sure it comes out at meal times because it CAN. There are a million choices at meal times and everyone stops what they are doing so she can have more attention.

Make sure she's getting enough sleep, and set limits she understands so she can stop testing them. If she knows there's no exchanging her food or repushing her chair, this stuff will fade away.

HTH
T.

Doesn't sound medical at all. In our house, we're laid back and give lots of choices AS LONG AS no one is being bratty or disrespectful. Also, meal times are pretty packed full of rules in order to be a polite dining member of the family. So we enforce, "no complaining about what you're served", "no leaving the table ten times to go to the bathroom", "no whining for the pink plate when I already served up your blue plate" (and MAN can they sound convincing that they're truly medically traumatized by the color of the plate-all three of mine tried that), "no scooting your chair all around excessively until it's 'just right'".

These are all little distractions kids naturally try in situations where it's "not all about them". I think it's more important for kids to learn to behave than to have choices and control at all times. Sometimes, a rule is a RULE dang it. But again, when there is nothing important going on: a class, a meal, a situation where we need our best manners, having guests etc, I'm very laid back. So strike your own balance. Decide how you want her to behave at meal time and enforce. Sounds like she's manipulating you by seeing how far she can push your buttons. Four is DEFINITELY not too young for that.

Don't give in and change anything out. It's a control issue. It sounds like you're doing just fine there.

Put limits on her behaviors. When you see her start to become unreasonable, remove her or the thing from the equation. If she doesn't like her chair, make her stand. If she doesn't like her oatmeal, take it away completely. If she doesn't like the clementine, take it and eat it.

It won't take long for her to figure out that her complaining only gets that thing taken away, not replaced or fixed exactly to her specifications.

Are you really thinking this is an OCD thing? My husband had OCD and it sounds like she goes a little too easy for it to be actual OCD. I would assume she would be in more pain than this. Instead it sounds most definitely like a control issue, for instance many of us do like things our way ( I know I do! ) and yes meals can be an issue for a lot of people. I hate to say this, but if you give her too many choices now then you become a short order cook later in life. When she grows up she can go to therapy and work this out but in the meantime you just go ahead and continue to make it her problem. They don't give a lot of options in school: when it's time to sit for instance it's time to sit. When it's snack time you eat your snack and that is it. We all had to learn it at least most of us and some of the rest of us are suffering because we didn't. If you truly think OCD is here, instead of just referring to it, then find someone who deals with these matters so she doesn't grow up in horrible emotional pain. Good luck!

Why is it most people are so quick to say "maybe you should have her evaluated."? Just because your daughter is doing what she is doing at meal time does not mean she needs to be evaluated or has OCD. I have babysat plenty of children growing up(some of them special needs, OCD being one) and have two of my own. Most kids do what your child is doing at lunch time. I have gone though this with my daughter on multiple occasions, and she's 3. I'm pretty sure it's just all part of going though the toddler stages. Now if it continues as she gets older and older and seems like it's getting worse and happens in more situations, then maybe you should consider having her evaluated. But as of right now it sounds like typical toddler behavior to me. Just keep standing your ground and make sure you continue to let her know that when she tells you that's what she wants, that after it's made already she cannot change her mind and that is what she told you she wanted. My daughter very rarely changes her mind anymore. If you keep working with yours I'm sure she will do the same. Do not take her to get evaluated unless you really think something is wrong with her or if this behavior continues to get worse and not better(after a long period of time working with her) or starts happening with other tasks and situations.

Have you talked to your pediatrician about this or considered a behavioral/psychiatric evaluation?

I am not familiar with OCD in children. Some of what you wrote, like having to have the chair "just right", sounds a little OCDish, but the changing her mind about the yogurt or the clementine sounds like something my daughter will do, and she is 4 also. I guess the question is, when you put limits on her, or you say no to switching the food, how does she react? Is she okay with it or does she freak out?

I tell my daughter that once I make something or something is opened, that's it - there's no changing her mind. She threw a fit the other day because I gave her a choice of toast or waffles, and she chose toast. But then after it was made, she changed her mind and wanted waffles. And I told her no, the toast was already made, that is what she had picked and she could not change her mind now. She got upset enough that I sent her to her room to "pull herself together" and decide to act like a big girl. It worked, and then she ate her toast just fine.

Some of this might just be her wanting more control over things, but if it's getting to the point that it's making life difficult and interfering with normal everyday functioning, I would talk to her pediatrician and see about having her evaluated. Otherwise, it really sounds like a case of the "tail wagging the dog."

DS 4 has these moments as well. Our boundary here is no wasting food...you asked for Cheerios, you can't change to Kix after the food is served.

The thing with options is you are still setting the parameters...which for us worked well at 2 or 3, but now at 4 I think they are striving for more independence. I've started to make as many things as possible accessible to him. He can get his own yogurt out of the fridge, choose his own spoon from the drawer, pick the piece of fruit from the counter, etc. I've also started getting him involved in contributing to the family meal: "helping" with some of the cooking, setting the table, taking out drinks etc. Most times, by the time we are sitting down to eat he has done so many things by himself that we tend to have fewer battles, and we have lots of compliments we can give!