It came to our attention that the ex-wife had received emails of communications between my fiance and the elementary school their daughter attends. The mother has not been co-operative in placing dad on the emergency contact form and has been dishonest about certain things and events. This has made things difficult for dads participation for the two years the daughter has been at the school. He is a law abiding citizen and good dad. mom likes control and is obviously still bitter/resentful (need I say more) even after four years. Now a custody battle because she doesn't want to let go and share. The ugly, time consuming and costly events to end up in a place that is best for all. Anyway, we have addressed the school and they have acknowleged that there was shared of emails (communications) the father had with the school. They aknowledged this by saying there will be no more sharing of emails either way. We had asked if it was school or district policy to do that. Nothing said. Of course we cc'd our request to the district superintendants office as well. Now there will be a meeting dad will participate in with the teacher and principle (no mother). Earlier on dad wanted copies of all going home with mom. It was too much work. We all agreed. Still, paper work involving info and attendance (sign-up) of events on and off campus, field trips and conferences have not been shared (sent) to dad. They assumed dad was receiving these things from the mother. That IS the problem. We may be aware of things through the automated school calls but there is no information coming our way with paper work. The mother was dishonest with us about a "Science Night" and therfore we were unable to attend. We are moving closer to the school than the mother. Closer to the daughter which makes her sad because she likes where we are but happy because it will not take an hour anymore. My question is that we are unsure how to handle the sharing of communications that occured. I am almost sure it is not policy in ANY way and they were wrong in doing so. For those who are not aware of FERPA...it allows non-custodial parents the right to medical and education information of there children. Have a great day and thank you for reading my long post. A.
It sounds like the parents of this child have a lot they need to work out, not the school. If your husband wants papers sent home , then he should request it. Teachers don't have time to be a referee between divorced parents.
I don't think it is unreasonable for the father to ask for copies of the calendars of upcoming events and regular communications from his daughters' teacher. Teachers are super busy people, but they usually don't mind keeping in touch when the parent is kind about requests. The main office should have copies of all items sent home with kids- I would suggest stopping in there weekly to find out about coming events. Be prepared for the possibility that your fiance's ex may never "get over it"... my own mom still holds a bitter grudge despite being divorced from my dad for 13 YEARS! and their divorce was after all kids were out of the house. I'd like to hope she is more an exception than a rule, but just be warned!
Best of luck, A..
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I don't think it is unreasonable for the father to ask for copies of the calendars of upcoming events and regular communications from his daughters' teacher. Teachers are super busy people, but they usually don't mind keeping in touch when the parent is kind about requests. The main office should have copies of all items sent home with kids- I would suggest stopping in there weekly to find out about coming events. Be prepared for the possibility that your fiance's ex may never "get over it"... my own mom still holds a bitter grudge despite being divorced from my dad for 13 YEARS! and their divorce was after all kids were out of the house. I'd like to hope she is more an exception than a rule, but just be warned!
Best of luck, A..
I agree with Tabitha. You've gotta find a way to circumvent the obstacle because she may not change or ever play fair. (Side note: I hope you are committed to this relationship, sounds like this woman will have a VERY hard time with it and may make your life VERY miserable.)
Our school has a website and parents can have a password to access specific info like grade reports, homework assignments, etc.
Also, my son's teacher is VERY open to email communication, etc. If her teacher is similar, have the dad call and discuss with her that he would like to be more involved at events, etc. maybe she can update him weekly or something like that. Good luck.
Does the school have a website? You can usually get information on there. Also, keep in touch with her teacher, and ask that she try to keep you informed as much as possible.
Short answer - have him bring a copy of divorce papers/custody papers to the school and insist they copy him on whatever they can (this won't include misc. stuff, but report cards, etc. he can get). Also, have him set up his own appt with the teacher and ask for his/her email. Most of them are happy to do that and also see if you can get in touch with the PTA - they are generally the ones who keep track of those events - you can get on their email lists.
Don't depend on her to get you the info - find your own way.
I have been there and I wish you a LOT of luck.
We can totally relate! Argh, and my step son is in high school and a high funtioning autistic boy. They NEVER keep us informed, we are always forgotten. It is a continual reminding to the teachers. We do not depend on the mom ever for anything. We ask for the teachers email address, and then you can send reminders-hey how is my child doing and what coming events are in place? Teachers get busy too and forget. We visit the schoold website and see whats new....always been a issue. You will have to keep up with it monthly. Good luck!
A., I don't understand much of your post. But I'll try to help.
First, is there a divorce and custody order? Does it grant regular "parenting" time (visitation)? Unless the divorce decree says that her father is to not be involved in her life the school is required by law to communicate with him.
However, they are not required to share their communications with the mother with him. Each parent has equal access but equal does not mean that they will know what the other parent has said. It's call "right to privacy."
I'm sure that if your fiance is calm and reasonable in his conversations
with the school they will provide him with information in regards to his daughter. They are required by law to give this information to him and are not allowed by law to give it to you unless he's present with you and says it's OK. Again it's a "right to privacy" issue.
The key to good communication is to be calm with a co-operative attitude. When one parent complains about the other parent and expresses strong negative feelings towards the other parent to the school, the school will feel caught in the middle and will be more cautious about what they share. Demanding info, as it sounds like you did when you asked for copies of e-mails sent between the mother and school, hinders your cause. Realize that the mother, as does the father, have the right to communication without the other knowing about it.
You don't say how old this daughter is or how often she is with her father. If she has regular time with her father she can tell him about school and upcoming events that may not be listed on the school calender.
It is best to accept the responsibility of learning as much as you can thru regular channels such as web sites, weekly school newsletters, and initiating contact with the teacher at reasonable times. Do not expect the teacher to give weekly or even monthly reports. Now that she knows that the father is interested she will tell him when there are things that he needs to know.
Have you found the school's web site? It will have a calender. Most schools send by e-mail a weekly newsletter which her father can sign up on the web site to receive.
Please remember that the teacher has 20 + other students. Her focus has to be on teaching all of the students. She does not have time to be embroiled in the domestic issues which you've described. Also remember that polite, calm, and reasonable requests will give you the results you want much faster than the sort of rant you wrote in this post.
Be organized by writing a list of questions as well as a list of what you want from the school. Then listen to what they have to say. Remember they do not want to be in the middle between her father and her mother.
This situation can be worked out as long as you and your fiance are able to remain calm and not fight with school officials.
I wish you luck! Divorces and custody settlements are very difficult. Especially there it's important to find a way to always be civil, to not let the other person push our buttons, and be willing to make reasonable compromises even when the other parent is not civil or reasonable. You can refuse to fight and have a better chance of getting close to what you want. When I say don't fight I mean on a personal level. Yes, fight, by going after what you want.
