OK I know this is probably going to come off sounding very selfish, but hear me out ladies. My husband & I don't go out very often. He doesn't do surprises, ever. I have been out on NYE one time in my life, yep, once. Plenty of years he was working, a few other years he was deployed (so still basically working, though the 1 year he happened to be in Las Vegas & got to do the whole NYE thing on the strip) and other years we've been home together with the one exception where my mom kept the kids over night because I had won tickets to a big party in Philly. This year we didn't have any plans though he is off from work. A friend of ours had mentioned meeting her & her hubby for a party at a local firehouse which dh did mention to me, but didn't say if he really wanted to go and certainly didn't find a sitter for the night. To me, unless I'm doing something spectacular, it's not worth going out on NYE with all the drunks, etc.
So yesterday at work my very good friend who is younger than us, not married, no kids, asks if dh & I have plans because she has an idea & wants it to be my Christmas present, but it's on NYE. She won't tell me what it is at all, but asks for dh's phone number to talk to him about it & see if he'll be ok with it. He was very pleasant to her on the phone, but just said it's up to me whether I want to go or not. Then when I get home & he's at work he texts me making me feel about an inch tall saying that he's not going to decide what my plans will be, but if I'm going out with her, he's going out with his friends. I asked if we had plans that I didn't know about to include a baby-sitter & he said no, but he would 'actively seek' one if I was going out with my friend. So, of course he's saying to me either I can spend NYE home with him doing nothing, or I can go do something fun that's a gift from a friend without him & THEN he'll look for a sitter so he can also go out.
It seems to me like either I can do nothing & stay home with him because married couples are supposed to be together on NYE, or I can go out with my friend, likely have a very good time, and seriously piss him off, plus deal with the whole tit-for-tat thing because when push comes to shove, he reverts to 3 year old behavior & always has. If I go out, no matter what night of the year (and trust me, it only happens about 3 or 4 times a year) he will make plans to go out within the next few days even though he goes out regularly with his buddies all year long.
Again, I have no idea what the plans are my gf has set up, but I'm told they're fantastic and he & I honestly fought about this for a good hour last night. So what would you do?
Wow, that sounds very passive-aggressive on his part.
If it were me I would stay home and when the New Year rolls in I would let him know that in 2011 we are going to begin marriage counseling (and I'd start digging for names this week).
Now I'm being passive-aggressive . . . :P In all seriousness, the problem is deeper than NYE.
Good luck.
Dear Melissa-
I would GO.
I would wish hubby 'good luck' finding that babysitter on wednesday before New year's eve.
IF he finds someone...wish him a happy time...and that you'll see him 'next year'!
Good luck
michele/cat
um sounds like you should go out with your friend and not let your husband bully you around. this is not mature behavior out of him and even if you stay home with him you arent going to be happy and hes only going to thik this bratty behavior is appropriate , maybe husbands and wives should be together on NYE but husbands and wives shouldnt be acting like this at all.
Go Have fun and then get some counseling for your marriage.
I agree with Angela S.
Sorry, but this whole ordeal sounds a little sophomoric to me.
Go out with your girlfriend! Why do you only go out 3 or 4 times a year when he regularly goes out? Don't allow that to happen. Start going out with your friends once a week or at least 2 times a month. As far as NYE -there's no rule that you have to be with your spouse. If he doesn't want to do anything with you that night, then do what you want. Why would he get pissy about it? He needs to learn to either make some plans once in awhile and get sitters in advance or suck it up. Good luck finding a sitter at this point, but honestly -he can stay at home. Failure to plan on his part doesn't mean you need to miss out on something memorable and fun with your friend. He sounds like he needs a big dose of "grow up." Also, sit him down and explain to him that you need time out with friends just like he does and since you never get to go out for NYE -and even though he's off he doesn't seem to care about it -then you're going. Maybe your NY resolution as a couple can be for him to take you into consideration more and make more of an effort in your marriage, and for you to take responsibility for the way you allow people to treat you and make you feel. Tit for tat goes both ways -so it sounds like he owes you MANY nights out!
So your friend made plans for NYE that doesn't include him? Okay, a bit assuming of your friend! That said, your hubby is acting like a baby. He should be happy you are going out. You will probably come home tipsy looking for love if you know what I mean! LOL. If it were me, I would go. Why not? He will be pissed either way!!!
I'd tell him to grow up and since the many years we have been together he has hardly done anything with me on NYE, I deserve to have a memorable NYE instead of spending it at home like pretty much every year. Go have some fun and live, for once!
I would never want to spend NYE apart from my hubby- unless he was acting like yours! Jerk! Go out, have fun with the girls!!!!
NYE never lives up to the hype. But if you think you'll have a great time with your gf, definitely go out and have a great time! But get that sitter sorted out today or you might be at home against your wishes.
Happy new year!
I guess I'm just wondering why your girlfriend doesn't have a surprise plan that involves both you and your hubby? Since she is single and your not, the implication, whether true or not, is that she is going to take you out to do something singles do, not married folks, and suddenly this has hubby worried. His way of dealing with the worry is to act like a teenager about it. All the history aside, celebrating a milestone, even one as simple as NYE, is generally done with your significant other no matter where you are or what you do. My hubby and I used to go out before kids, and now we seldom do, even though my mom will always babysit for us. I'm just no longer interested in the drunken revelry like I used to be. I'm not saying your hubby is acting in an adult manner with the whole tit-for-tat thing, I just don't think its a good idea to deliberately antagonize an already bad situation for one night. If this is your very good friend, then explain to her in simple terms the problems her invitation is causing, and then ask her if this idea is really worth the trouble it may cause. Then I agree with the other posting; no matter what you do NYE, seek counseling in the new year because you and your hubby are not communicating well about this subject at all, and likely about other things as well. Good luck and New Year blessings to you both!
Sounds like he has some jealousy and trust issues. I go out without my husband at times with the girls, but I haven't been out on NYE. He is usually okay with it, but it took him a few years to get there. He just doesn't like going out and likes to have me to himself. I honestly don't think men understand the importance of female friendships. I would assure him that you will be good and won't do anything stupid and that he should trust you and then go out with your friend. Tell him if he wants to go out, by all means, you have the same trust in him and he can find the sitter and go on out. I always tell my hubby that if he wants to go out with his buddies, he can go at anytime. He never does. It is just something he wants to throw in there to make sure I understand that he can.
I feel bad for you because I know you would want to do something on nye with your husband. If you go out w/GF-drinking may magnify all the feelings-so go into the evening w/that in mind. It's just one night-really-I don't no why people make such a big deal out of it. Have some fun with someone who made a plan for you-and don't hold it against husband if he didn't charge up on white stallion and sweep you away and repledge undying love-it's ok.
Happy New Year!
If your friend made plans that don't include your husband then what difference does it make what he does that evening? Why should he sit home without you? He might as well go out with his friends. I guess I don't see what the problem is. If you think it is important that spouses be together on NYE then I guess you have to tell your friend that and do something with her another time. But I can't see how it matters if you spend ONE NYE apart. You can still see each other after midnight and give him the first kiss of the new year!
well, it sounds like there's going to be resentment either way, so you might as well go have a blast with your girlfriend, let your dh find a sitter and do his payback boys' night, and then get to work on sorting this out in the new year.
your friend has a special treat in store for you. your husband didn't have anything in particular in mind. there is no good reason for him to be obstructing you this way, except that he's a 5 year old at heart.
YOU need to start making nights out for you a regular part of your family's routine. all moms need it. do it.
date nights may well be needed too, but it's just mean-spirited for your husband to keep you housebound unless he's doing revenge binges.
bah humbug!
khairete
S.
