My daughter is 16 months old and still wants to nurse at night. She wakes up at least two times each night and will not go back to sleep on her own. Last night I let her cry for 30 minutes and then got her. I am not getting enough sleep because of this and want to start breaking her of the habit. Any suggestions other than letting her cry since that is not working?
I finally read enough of Richard Ferber, MD's book to start on Thursday night. She is sleeping through the night and got up around 6 this am but went right back to sleep. Talk about a relief. She does not act any differently during the day and, now when I go in her room to comfort her, she is not reaching for me but lays back down so I can pat her back for a minute. We are a much happier household and a schedule is so much easier to maintain now that she is sleeping at night.
Do you feel like a cow yet? It got to that point then WALLA! She weaned herself. Try 'autogenic relaxation' whenever it is safe for the two of you. Rest is on its way!
i had to let my dd cry it out. it helped that my dh would put her down and take care of her needs at night. (your smell is going to make her want to feed and you're not being there will make it easier on her and you.) the sooner you start, the sooner she'll get used to the new rules about not feeding in the middle of the night.
Hi J. -
I know it is hard for you and you are exhausted. Try and remember your 4 year old daughter and her needs when she was the same age - maybe they were different than your 16 mo. old but needs are needs. I think your 16 mo. old still needs your help - for whatever reason. You know from having your other daughter that in hind sight - you get through what you need to get through and it all actually does work out and pretty soon & you cannot even remember the hardship all that well, later.
If you think of this as "helping" your child, rather than the hinderance, the burden, etc... on your life, I think that may help you and I know that you will eventually not need to help her when she is ready to sleep through the night - as hard as it is right now, you will be so happy that she could fully count on you, even though it wasn't easy for you. Changing your attitude makes all the difference in the world - for you!
I can say this - I have a 2 & 1/2 yr. old and he is up nursing every two hours still, sometimes it's every hour or more. He was recently diagnosed with a disorder and that's why his sleep pattern is so unusual. Those times I began to resent him, it just made it terrible and unbearing for me. Yet when I turned it around and realized that these are just babies and they need our help, it all came together. I have been sleep deprived for a long time and I am fine - it isn't ideal, but I am so glad that I have learned about letting things go and what is really important. I know you can handle whatever your children need from you - a lack of sleep can always be fixed later. I hope this shows you that you can do anything - absolutely anything - with the right thinking. Chose to think in a way that serves your highest good and the best for your child. This is smart thinking and will hold so much more power in your life than the negative thinking.
Good luck and I am sure whatever you decide, you will do what is right for you and your daughter. You can also read about ways to soothe babies to sleep in askdrsears.com - they have some great ideas! Good luck and just remember the lack of sleep won't last forever - but your daughters' trust in you, will!
Alli
If you're going to let her cry it out, you have to be willing to just let her cry, no matter how long. She's too old now, and knows that if she cries long enough, you'll come get her. Try letting her cry until she stops...SOOOOOOOOOOOO hard, I know...my husband made me try it, and it worked, but VERY hard...you have to be all in or not do it at all :) Good luck!
If it's any consolation, I'm going through this with my 13 month old. And she wants to stay awake for an hour at 1:00 am.
With my older daughter, we just let her cry it out for 1 1/2 hours (which was the most painful night of my life). But we knew that no matter how long she cried that night it would get better, because she had always been better at self-soothing to sleep than my younger one is. So, it is harder for me to let the little one cry it out for that long, because I'm not completely certain that it will work for her.
However, I've decided that I need to bite the bullet and just not go in there. I'm making sure that she has ibuprofen before bed to soothe any teething issues. She has her favorite toys in her crib with her. And, I have a sippy cup of water ready in her room for Daddy to give her. And Daddy is on soothing duty now, because if I go in, there is no way to get back out without nursing.
Now, if only he would wake up as quickly as I do when she cries.....
You have probably tried this already, but I decrease the time I nurse by about a minute a night. When I am down to nursing about two minutes then I don't go in. It seems to lessen the amount of crying instead of just cutting them off all at once. It has helped with my two kiddos.
I agree with Sara, that the Ferber method was amazing. Yes, she does need something from you - reassurance. That's why you go in after five minutes, just so she know you're still in the house. Barring other issues though, she does not need the nutrition of nursing through the night. If you're that concerned about her hydration though, you can give her a cup of water.
But try Ferber. It was a lifesaver for us, too. And it only took us three days, just like Sara.
You may want to try Dr. Ferber's method. I feel like an advocate for him lately, but his method was a God-send for me. I would recommend reading his book, but the basic idea is to let her cry for 5 minutes, then go in and comfort her without picking her up. Then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes. I actually did it in increments of 1 to 2 minutes. It's amazing, and I got results in 2-3 days just like the book said. It's just a learning process for some babies.
