Not Wanting Mommy Anymore

Just give her time. I am sure Grandma loves having her fall asleep with her. Let them
Have their time. When you move she will be all yours. My granddaughter has been napping in my arms since she was four months. She is 20 months now. Ped says she is a lucky little girl that she gets to nap in my arms. They are creating an I breakable bond. She knows who her ma is. Don't worry.

If she didn't want to do this she'd let you know. Simply let her do this for now then when you move you'll have her all to yourself.

Don't worry. If you weren't living with your in-laws, she'd suddenly want Daddy for everything (and that may still happen). Children go through these spells.

It's not that she's rejecting you. It's just that Mama is "old" - that is, always there - and other people are becoming interesting to her. Toddlers like to structure their lives, so they become *very* attached to the "Somebody Else" for a while.

Your MIL will let you know if she gets too tired for Payton's middle-of-the-night routine. I bet she loves it right now. At least, I would. And it's all right that your daughter turns to other people. She's spreading her wings a little bit, and that's good. But she still loves you very much! You'll see.

At two and three, kids do typically practice some separation from mom. This is often seen as a 'preference' for daddy or another loving caregiver. Sometimes the child will insist that 'only' daddy or Grandpa or Auntie can help them with a coat or brush their teeth, etc. It's frustrating for the mom, who seems to get all of the hard parenting moments while that other person gets loved on.

Believe me, it does all come back around. My son is nearly seven and really wants to sit next to Daddy when we are out at restaurants, wants his father (first choice, mom-second choice!) to play with him, etc. But when he's really upset, I'm the one he comes to. I'm the one he doesn't have to save face with.

So, just know that this really isn't about a long-term preference...your daughter is figuring things out, including how to get her needs met. Once you move into your new home, things will swing back around, or maybe she'll go on a "daddy" kick... but most things with little kids really are temporary.

Your daughter is still a baby. This is just one of many phases she will go through. You will have lots of opportunities to spend time with her, up until about the age of 13, when she may prefer her friends over you for a few years.

Tell your mother in law that if she doesn't feel like laying with her granddaughter, she doesn't have to do it. In that case you will simply tell your daughter, "Grandma's tired. You get to lay with mommy now."

No big deal.

It's very typical. Kids go through "favorites" all the time, and it doesn't mean you're a bad mommy! It could be a reaction to the new baby but remember that your 2 year old is only a baby herself. It could also be a reaction to living with the inlaws and picking up some tension in the situation (you don't say how long you have been there but sometimes maybe she's worked at settling in there by connecting with Grandma. Also, kids pick up on their parents' stress, so if you're frustrating being crowded into temporary living quarters and worrying about your house getting ready, plus having a new baby, you're both probably kicking off some signals that a very intuitive kid can pick up on.

But, having other people who love her and help comfort her is great. In the long run, it's a good thing that a child can connect with someone else (a grandparent, an aunt, a daycare provider, etc.) - and when you live under the same roof, it's more pronounced. Kids need to learn to separate from the primary caregiver (when they don't, you'll see those parents here on Mamapedia complaining that they have velcro children who won't go to preschool or even let Mom take a shower!).

Finally, you might give some thought to your daughter learning to self-soothe. A lot of parents love co-sleeping and if you do and it's your choice, that's fine. However, kids who cannot learn to fall asleep by themselves and who need someone in the bed with them all the time sometimes miss the person who's not there. Your daughter falls asleep with Grandma, but then wakes up and is someplace else - that can be disconcerting. She thinks her sleeping place is with Grandma because that's where she snuggles up and drifts off to sleep. She's not aware that you are moving her into your own bed. You might want to think through how you plan to get her to sleep in her own bed, if not now, then in the new house. As part of this, you have to address your own feelings of having both children sleeping with you, and figure out how you will will transition. I'm sure a lot of people on mamapedia can recommend books on the subject.

Good luck - and I hope you can get some sleep!

You raised a daughter who is confident enough in herself to get her needs met by others. It is a compliment to you (even though it doesn't feel like it, LOL).

Let this be a special thing with her and your MIL (as long as she doesn't) mind and enjoy the break to focus on your new daughter.

Your MIL just might enjoy having little ones around without having the stress of being the parent :-).