Not Topping the Height Chart, but Apparently Getting Mistaken for an Older Kid

Updated on April 29, 2013
F.B. asks from Kew Gardens, NY
16 answers

Dear Mamas& Papas-

My DS is now 2.5 years old and stands, according to the height charts at the 75th percentile. At a birthday party this weekend for a four year old, he was at best a smidge shorter than most of the 4 year olds in attendance.

Hadn't had occassion for this to matter much to date, as he is usually with close family and friends, or in a daycare with other 2-3 year olds. When we go to the park/ playground, its for short clips and frankly, I'm too busy minding my daredevil to chat with other parents.

I felt a bit of the stink eye from other parents at the party as I kept my boy on task while eating, and as he got overwhelmed when the party place person grabbed hold of "his" paintbrush to demonstrate. I offered up, "he's only two", and the looks softened and I got some "my he's bigs" in response.

Franly, I am not going to loose sleep over this, but I am just wondering, have any of you experienced this? If it is done within your kid's earshot, how do you respond?

Thanks a bunch,
F. B.

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Featured Answers

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

My oldest and my youngest both top the charts in size. My middle didn't do it as much.
I've given up on worrying about the stink eye and just go about my business. Sometimes I will say something about their age, work a comment into a conversation I'm having with someone or my child, without addressing them personally.
I always get the "they're so big" if someone is told their age. My kids are also very articulate for their age. So my 3 year old not only looks like a 5 year old but can sound just like one while flipping into a 3 year old meltdown just as fast.

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B.B.

answers from Missoula on

My younger son is in the 95th percentile for height, 90th for weight and at 25 months, is routinely mistaken for a much older kid. He is bigger than all of the three year-olds in his preschool class.

I usually just say something like, "aren't two year-olds wonderful?" while I fix whatever he's done.

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M.G.

answers from Kansas City on

It can be a curse and a blessing. Thankfully my son would usually act very mature for his age, but there were times that I would get a look. I would point out his age, or what grade he was in and people would usually soften a bit. They see a larger child and they automatically expect more from them.

M

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A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Yep!
both my kids were in the 90th or above. People would look at them like they were stupid cause they would think they were older, but obvisouly not mature enough! Wondering why they couldn't answer simple questions and stuff like that. Totally been there.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

OH YEAH. My guy just turned 6 a couple weeks ago. He is 49inches tall and weighs 52 lbs. He's about 5 inches taller than everyone in his class. And he's on the spectrum, so he acts more like he's 5.5 than 6. If I see it quickly, I just say "can you believe he just turned 6?" and jaws drop everywhere. I don't know when or if it'll change, but I'm not going to get worked up unless some parent goes off half-cocked about it. Stink eye can be stopped pretty fast, but I won't put up with inappropriate actions - they need to talk to ME first.

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K.W.

answers from Seattle on

My kids are both 95th % in height, and our first was very verbally advanced. So, yup, our first was often mistaken for being older. No biggie.

Our second has speech issues, so she sounds a bit younger than she should. Couple that with her being tall and folks might get confused. Oh well.

I don't think anyone is saying anything negative within earshot of the kiddos regarding their age. Or maybe I was just out of earshot at the time.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

My sks are bigger than average and sometimes we had to say, "No, really, she's only 11" (kids under 12 and all that). Speak up for him when you need to and eventually he'll be able to also speak for himself. One of DD's friends at school is already the size of a first grader and she's too young to go to K in the fall! People definitely expect more from her when they first meet her.

But all kids are different. My DD is a few months older than another family's DD and mine is a klutz and theirs is physically advanced (walked months before my DD). It's always been that way. So I try not to assume what the kids' abilities are.

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B.B.

answers from San Antonio on

Both of our children (son, 5 years, 2 months old, 47" tall) and daughter (3 years, 6 months old, 41" tall) have been at the top end of the height chart since approx 6 months old. We aren't sure where they get it, my husband is only 5'7" and I am 5'5", but we will take it. I used to feel like people were giving us looks, especially when I would cut up their food, or trying to keep them in line in public spaces, but then I realized that it wasn't worth it. I kind of decided that people can think what they want to think, as everyone raises their children differently. My son especially always gets mistaken for being older, but now, when or if people say things to him, he will respond "I know I look like a big boy, but I'm only 5".
Good Luck!

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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Yes, we get this too. My 4.5 year old is a full head taller than most of the kids in his preschool class. And my 14 month old is already in 2T clothing. Both have always been 95+% in height.

When it is clear to me that someone has different expectations b/c they think my kids are older than they are, I usually try find a friendly way to work their ages in to the conversation, and will often get the "wow, he is so big, I thought he was older" response.

This is really just a good reminder for us all that we shouldnt be making assumptions about other people (kids or adults!). And a good reminder to be kind about making judgements on older kids behavior... example: my kid will never do that! says the 3 year olds parent about a 7 year olds behavior... then low and behold your kid turns 7 and you realize just how age appropriate that behavior really was, right? lol

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Ya know, both my kids are very tall for their ages. Not big, just tall. And lanky.
Since they were born, they were in the 95th+ percentiles or more, for height.
They are now, 6 and 10 years old.
My son is 6, and is the tallest in his classroom. But per grade level, there are a few taller kids. But they are 7 year old first graders. Versus, my son is a 6 year old first grader.
My daughter is 10, and in her grade level, the kids overall are just tall. Some are 11 years old, though.
At no time, has it ever been a problem.
Since my kids were born, I have always gotten the "wow, he/she's tall for her age!" And I don't care. So what.
Yah, I know they are tall. So what.
And sure, many times, people/strangers, thought my kids were older than they really are... due to their height. So what.
Just recently, my son's tennis Coach, THOUGHT my son was 8 years old! When my son said he was 6.... and my Husband repeated that he is 6.... all the kids and their parents, were SOOOOOOO surprised! They all thought he was older. But he is only 6 and is the youngest one in the tennis group. So what.

Maybe a few times, I got a questioning or stink eye, from strangers. When I then clarified my son's age to them... they said "OH! I thought he was older!"
So what.

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

Morning
Oh yes, we've gotten this since my son was about 6 months old and started getting bigger than most... He is now 11 and is still taller than many of his classmates. It's amazing what people will say, even when he was younger and while at the hospital because he had a bad case of the flu and we were concerned he wasn't keeping down any food/liquid, the doctor/intern remarked, " he'd be ok because he was kinda beefy" .... Ok I get it... he wasn't gonna die of starvation.. however, a better choice of words could have been used..

I don't think people mean any harm perse and don't often realize the tone of shock in their voice.. When around other peoples' children.. it's best to think before one speaks.... and for the doctors... some just need to learn a better set of bedside manners...

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D.N.

answers from Chicago on

Oh yeah, with all of mine. Either because they acted older, one of my older girls tended to act like the momma of the group she was with, or because of the height. I would get looks when one of them would act out because of usually a misunderstanding. Most of the time though it was because the group was a young age group and my kid was bigger then the others. When I would tell the others that "she's 3" or whatever, and I would get "really,...so tall".

I even had a parent ask me why I was afraid to send my daughter to kindergarten last year. She had just turned 4.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

My son was always in the 90-95% percentile for height when he was little and has now topped out at 6'4" as an adult. I did have a problem with people thinking he was older that his age and having higher expectations for him. He took a tae kwan do class at a local community center with kids in a 4-7 age group. He was the youngest, but because of his height, looked to be one of the older kids in class. After weeks went by and other children earned their yellow belt stripe and my son didn't, I asked the instructor what we could do to help him and I noted that many other kids whose skill level was lower than his had earned the yellow belt. The instructor said he had higher expectations for the older kids in the group and my son should just keep working on it. When I told the instructor that he was the youngest child in the group, he awarded the yellow belt at the end of that class.

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B.B.

answers from New York on

Yes, my son is 75th percentile and has a mature way about him. He usually conducts himself like an older child so when he does act babyish, it is a suprise to everyone, including me. Everyone assumes he
is in kindergarten but I need to remind them that he just turned 5. Just the price to pay for being tall.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

My kids were literally off the charts. They are all now very very tall adults. Girls 6'1" and guys 6'5". I was always dealing with it. Just never really thought anything of it. Now my granddaughter is going down the tall path.
All you have to say is he is 2 1/2 years old. When folks say he is tall, say yes he is!!

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M.O.

answers from New York on

Yup, we got this too, and I responded exactly the way you did. On one occasion, when it didn't seem feasible to address the disapproving stranger directly, I said TO my son (and within earshot) "Oh you enormous child, how are we ever going to explain to people that you're still in diapers because you're only one-and-a-half?"

The good thing is that after a while, they get their behavior under control and it ceases to be an issue. It's much easier for a 4-year-old to "pass" as 6 than for a 2-year old to pass as 4.

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