"Not Thaaat Spoon!" and Other Battles Probably Not Worth Fighting

I used to humor, but there are times when you can't like at a friends house. One time my daughter flipped out over the cup she was given because she just didn't like green. I was mortified.

So now, I tend to say the saying my SIL says to her kids

"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit"

My daughter dislikes so much when I say this now. :)

I try to give them what they want the first time, but If im busy and I dont get it right, they just have to live with it.

If it is politely requested then I'm more likely to go ahead and change the item...BUT if a meltdown starts before I can even get the item out of my hand, it's tough luck. I usually do try and offer choices before hand too and that really, really helps!!

I agree with Abby that it's just not a road I want to go down, I feel like it leaks into everything. I have one neice that has a colossal meldown if she doesn't get to blow out the candles on the birthday cake, even when it's not her birthday, so my in-laws always re-light the candles, again no matter whose b-day it really is, just so this child can blow out the candles too. Uh no. There has to be a line! ;)

I was told one lunch "But mommy, my wittle mouf doesn't fit that big ferk. "
I humored her. She grew into a 9 yo who jumped down her brother's back for giving her the wrong size "ferk" at dinner, but this time she didn't use baby forks, otherwise known as salad forks.
I figured as long as the dishwasher was working what difference did it make.
Now my youngest is 10 and they do the dishes, so if they want to use a certain "ferk" then they have to wash it anyway.

I refuse to change whatever bowl/plate/spoon/cup if it's already in a different one, but I always make sure to ask him before I serve it up. A lot of times he changes his mind and flips out if he has decided he wanted another one, and I just refuse to play that game. It's not a habit that I want him to continue so this is me *trying* to nip it in the bud and I'm about thisclose to punching the wall in frustration (but still continuing to be consistent).

I always just go with the quirkiness. It does not last forever Just not worth
fighting over. Holding hands while crossing a street, that is a battle you must have. It all comes down to choosing your battles. When the quirks
disappear you will miss them!

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YUP - learned to ASK him first which one he wants to use, offer him 2 and let him choose. Sometimes that decision can take too LONG and I'll just say Ok mommy's giving you the green one' and he'll say "No blue please" LOL so that's my newest 'trick' for moving things along HAHA say one and he'll almost Always choose the other ;-)

I just go with the flow whenever I can. I do understand what some posters have said about not wanting to create children who are monsters or who feel entitled to choices all the time.

My dad said that he tried to say yes whenever he could and that by doing so, we accepted no when he had to say no. That isn't to say he spoiled us. He set limits and used discipline very effectively. He just tried to say yes whenever it was a reasonable request.

I've found his advise to be very helpful and fairly accurate of my own kids. They do tend to accept no when it comes, knowing that Mommy isn't being mean or lazy, it's just they way it needs to be. (They don't always accept it. They're kids, after all.)

It gets better...eventually. We always had the argument who gets which color cup. Every time my boys would fight over the green cup. Eventually, I put the cups away in pairs of the same color so that they always had the same color.

The one thing I never did was handwash items because they wanted that specific cup or plate. If it was dirty it was dirty, tough luck. But other than that I usually humored their requests.

When I was a kid I had a special spoon that I loved. And it just didn't feel right if I had to eat my yogurt or whatever with an other spoon. Even now, when I visit my parents I always choose that spoon if it is there.

I won't argue, but I won't be walked over, either, so I give a choice beforehand, "The red or the blue one?" "Apple or banana?" etc. If I have the time and they use good manners I try to accommodate their requests, I recognize that familiarity breeds security. If we're out and about and I didn't pack the house and can't give a choice I try to deal with it matter-of-factly, "I'm sorry, the Elmo cup is at home, we'll use it later." Smile. And if they yell or demand I use it as a teaching too, don't give in, (no one in the real world will put up with that behavior) and remind them we don't talk to people that way when we want something, we need to ask nicely.

Oh yes! Everything has to be just so. It's such a pain! But I'm like you, I'd rather get it right than fight about it, or listen to my 3 year old have a tanty because he HAD to have the Diego plate!

The world is literally ending for my 4 year old if she does not eat with a pink fork or spoon. Or she doesn't eat with her pink bowl, or the apples aren't sliced up and in a bowl or her favorite pair of socks are dirty because she wore them the day before. I will sometimes let her have it but sometimes it's a meltdown in her room and she's fine after that. I told her she can't always have what she wants. Things get dirty or mommy forgets. I refuse to wash something specially for her or dirty another dish if she already has one. This phase does not last forever, my 7 year old is no longer picky and will eat with any color fork or spoon when before he used to insist on the blue ones.

If my kids ask for a specific cup/bowl/plate before I fix the drink or food...then yes, I put in in/on that cup/plate.

If I get it fixed and it is ready to eat...then I give the the old "You get what you get and you don't have a fit." If they have the fit then they is always the next meal/snack time.

Both kids combined have only missed maybe two meals and two snacks before they figured out that they would rather have the food than the plate/cup/bowl it is served in.

There isn't always a choice and it isn't a big deal at home...but wait until you have to leave a play date after your child throws a red cup of juice across the room because it is the wrong color. I watched this happen the child's mom was going to clean it up and give the "correct" color cup...the hosting mom said oh it looks like little so-and-so is really tired I guess it is time for you guys to go home. Embarrassing!!

Oh my god, yes. You just made me laugh, because we are so in that phase.

Usually I give choices, or pre-pick the "required" option.
I even just rearranged her drawers so she can help pick her own clothes.
If not possible, I gently say "sorry," and she's pretty good about accepting.

But today, she had an absolute fit because I put the handwashing soap into the wrong hand. Started rubbing it all over the sink. That behavior is not OK.

I tend to push the "asking nicely" over "you get what you get."
"you are old enough to use your words" is a big phrase in our house.

I usually have the kids get the dishes, etc., out for me while I am preparing whatever we/they are having, so USUALLY they just pick out the one they want to have. In those instances, they made the decision on which bowl/cup/whatever to have and I do make them live with that decision. Sometimes, however, the dishes are picked by me (or someone who isn't one of the kids) for whatever reason, and in those instances the saying goes "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit"...Elmo bowls (or whatever special dish is currently 'in', lol) aren't ALWAYS available, and I want my kids to be able to enjoy their food no matter the package-an apple really IS an apple whether it comes in an Elmo bowl or with a napkin.

I don't have the luxury of indulging my DD since I have 3 other daycare siblings with her a good bit of the time. They all want the blue plate or blue and green polka dot fork. Making them take turns and suck it up at a young age (2) has made the 3's easier because they never learned the world revolved around them.

I have three big LAZY kids. Who will try and get outta of having to walk to the bathroom to pee.

If I gave into all of their daily complaints, I would have ten loads of Dishes...Four extra loads of laundry....Someone elses favorite movie, ALWAYS on...''So it is not fair he gets to watch it''...Oh and ''he had some so I get it too'' would be filing in the space between..''no mom I want the blue cup''...Blah

This is a constant battle, mainly with my middle guy. He has the Me first, everything is mine, unless, i dont want it mind frame right now. He just turned the corner for the worst. So, when he doesnt get his way...His horns come out and He tries to pushy pushy me...I have stopped giving in. The fits are well worth not giving into their every request...I have learned how to find joy out of them crumbling because I wont back down!!

Nine times outta ten the fit is followed by, ''Ok, mommy I will do it''..depending on what the ''It'' is I will sway one way or the other. Only if it doesnt leave me backing down and showing them they can win...I try and make everything a tool for learning when it comes to their attitudes.

Just so you know I asked my doctor about the "OCD" type tendencies at my son's 4 yr check up a few months ago. My son tends to be okay unless he is tired and then he has to have his sandwich a certain way or his stuffed animals lined up a certain way on his bed or the special bowl or whatever. It usually wasn't too bad but if he got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom then he could spend 20 minutes arranging the animals in the exact way. Not fun at 2 AM. If I couldn't honor the request I would give him a choice, either eat your apples out of this bowl or don't have them, or have the animals this way or I will take them away. That usually helps things move along faster. The doctor said it is very common and they tend to outgrow it by 6 or 7. Hopefully it will be before that:)