Not Just a Boyhood Prank

Do you want your daughter to put up with sexual harrassment on future jobs because complaining would make her work life miserable?

Keep talking to your daughter about what is going on and help her to decide whether it is really okay to stand by and do nothing. Are they just doing this to her, or are they maybe hurting an even more vulnerable child? Let her know you will stand by her and support her whatever she decides, but she should know the consequences of silence, too.

How is this kind of thing ever going to stop if even school counselors are afraid to teach them it's wrong?

she could ask to be moved to a different seat in class if they are assigned seats. or call and talk to the math teacher directly, im sure they would want to know what is happening in their class. i know your daughter doesn't want this but she shouldn't have to deal with them acting that way towards her also. it could, if it hasn't already start to affect her grade because of worrying about it happening, seeing it or her mind wondering about it instead of focusing on the lesson. hopefully the teacher will handle it properly and not bring up who tipped them off and watch for the behavior and catch them in the act. or have something between your daughter and the teacher to where if it happens she can give a sign so the teacher knows it just happened and can act as if they just seen it themselves. just so it doesn't look as if she is the one telling.

the boys need to know that it is a very serious act even though they see it as a prank. a friend of mine was in a bar with 21 and older adults and while the women were "flashing" he "flashed" his and someone called the police and reported it. he was charged with indecant exposer (spelt that wrong..) in a public place and now has to register as a non-violent sex offender because of this.

what they are doing is wrong any way you look at it and your daughter is a victim of it.
hopefully she can be strong enough to do the right thing for herself and maybe for someone who isn't as strong and doesn't have the support behind her like your daughter is lucky to have!

I would call and report it. I was sexually harassed in high school and I never told anyone. I still regret not telling anyone and it was 10 years ago. What they are doing is definitely inappropriate and needs to be stopped.

I think the most important thing you can do is talk to your daughter. If you think you need to report it, explain to her why you feel that way. Let her tell you all the things she's afraid of and work together on a plan to deal with any backlash. It may also be helpful to assure her that the boys do not need to know who made the report. If your daughter is still adamant that she does not want this reported then I think you should respect that. However, then you should talk to your daughter about ways to protect herself and ways you can help protect her. She needs to know you are her number 1 supporter. She may even want to transfer to another school. Help her work through this and make the decisions. She needs to know you trust her judgement.

If someone thinks you shouldn't report it, then they're unable to stand not only in your shoes as a mother, but also your daughter's as a victim. If you let it be, then you're essentially teaching your daughter to not stand up for herself and that this behavior by these sick boys is okay. It's not. Explain that, before someone gets hurt, you have to report it. If these boys continue to display themselves even after someone was suspended, then they are even more wrong being fearless of the repercussions. You are the role model to her. You handle it the way you'd want your daughter to handle it if she were the mom, dealing with her own daughter. Because EVERYTHING you do now, influences her for later. Best of luck.

As a former school counselor it hurts me to say this as a mom, but let it be. It sounds like school is aware of the incident and is handling it. By calling other authorities into this you WILL make her life miserable. She knows you stand behind her and will be there for her, but calling in the police or the principle will only claim her up for future times she needs to talk. Because she asked you not too this time.
And sadly, yes, this is a boyhood prank. It goes along with snapping bra straps in middle school. The boys are getting a reaction out of the girls, are they doing it the best they could- NO but it is done in almost all the highschool. Luckily the boys at your daughters school were caught.

Well of course, call the principal first, tell him what's going on, and to keep your daughters name annoymous, they have dealt with all kinds of things in school and know NOT to mention where they got their information from.

If it continues, call the principal again, and if it doesn't stop, the superintendent along with the police are next.

I am afraid I agree with Roberta on this. It is hard to stand back and do nothing, but listening to her and supporting her thru this will pay off more then the reporting will. If it goes to a different level, and she is more uncomfortable, then its time to report. Tell her to laugh at them the next time they show her and ask them is that all there is? That will make them stop and think. I was bullied alot growing up, but I learned how to handle them on my own. However, my mom always let me vent on them. I was only shown that part once, in Elementary of all places, but no one ever dared again! ;) Good Luck to your daughter.

If she is not the only person they are putting this display on for, I am not sure that reporting it would make her life miserable--anyone could have made the report. However, I agree that this is more than a boyhood prank and I think it should be reported even if it wouldn't be completely anonymous. What these boys are doing is illegal. Not only should you call the school, but call the police as well! These boys are moving down a very dangerous path and it sounds like they already have a history of behavior problems. My kids are still little so I don't have any advice on how to help your daughter with possible fallout. Maybe it will help knowing that reporting it is the right thing and may prevent more serious activities from these boys in the future. Good luck!