Not in a Good Place Right Now : (

Hug to you, sweetheart. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes. Roll your head forward, then circle to the left (keep your eyes closed; breathe easy). Roll your head to the back, then to the right then back forward. Stand up straight. Open your eyes. Make your shoulders drop in a relaxed way. Take another deeeeep breath. In through your nose, then blow out through your mouth.

Another hug.

You'll get a bunch of suggestions about making sure to take time for yourself and ask for help and get exercise -- and those are all good, accurate suggestions. Here are two small steps I'd like you to try: get in to see your doctor even if you have to take an afternoon off from work. If your kids were sick, you'd make sure they got the care they need, right? Well, you need care , too. Start with a visit to your doctor. Tell him what you've shared here. There are several vitamin deficiencies that can TOTALLY sap your energy. Are you getting enough iron, for instance? This leads to my second suggestion. Take a look at your diet and your fluid intake. Increase the fruits & veggies, even if you just leave a bag of grapes in your car & munch on the way too & from work.

By all means, treat yourself to some little thing when you can. Take a breath & enjoy your kids & your husband. The suggestions to get exercise & such are good. Try & fit them in where you can. But don't beat yourself up because you just can't get to the exercising or self-help parts yet. You will get there. Really.

I feel your exhaustion. I've been where you are and I've made it through. You can, too.

By the way, think of that really well dressed acquaintance with the perfect hair who invited you out. You may feel like a mess but Little Miss Put Together WANTS to spend time with YOU. There must be something there that right now you can't see -- but she does. Even with hair in a perpetual pony tail, an acquaintance wants to know YOU. Good for her for seeing beyond the frazzled-ness! And good for you for being a person someone else wants to know better.

Another hug. Take another deep breath. Hang in sister--

I learn so much from watching the natural world. All plants and animals exist for two reasons: to have their own life, and to reproduce. Once reproduction kicks in, that's the whole story, for a time. (For some animals and plants, that's also the end of the story – mission accomplished and farewell.)

It's our modern culture, with all its temptations and distractions like fashion and sex appeal, that makes this so much harder for people to do.

I don't know whether you'll find this helpful, but re-framing the big picture can be life-changing. Watching nature, and eyeing with some alarm how mothers around me were relating to their families, I recognized that having a child, just ONE child, would completely consume my life for quite a few years. I said yes to that, going in.

I think that because I was willing to give my best to it for as long as it took, it was not really hard to do. Exhausting, yes. Sometimes frustrating or puzzling, once or twice briefly infuriating. But my daughter was my first priority, my full-time job was second. My husband seldom stuck around to be a dad, and when he did, he was just a temperamental child, so I was better off without his complications.

Socks are items of great beauty and mystery, are they not? What would life be without them? ;-)

ADDED: There are some completely fabulous parenting books that can take a great deal of the strain and struggle out of our relationships with our kids. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, is one of my very favorites. Life-changing in an oh-so-good way! If you look on Amazon and read the reviews, I'll bet you'll find a few that will fit your style and ease your journey through parenthood.

Wishing you the very best.

Do you absolutely need to work? Could you work part time? I only work 12 hours a week with my kids in school full time, and I still don't have enough time in a day, but I always make fun stuff a priority.

This sounds pretty normal.

Some women find that exercise, maybe a bit of pampering or getting away from the typical family life.. either alone, with girlfriends or your husband will rejuvenate you..

Some people find taking a class or learning an instrument.. Just something that takes being fearless..

Sometimes volunteering or looking for a new job..

I personally realized my entire personality was changing and I could not get control of it. It was not for the better.. It made me frustrated, Angry, tired and sad. I went to speak with a therapist and worked through a lot of things always in my mind and memories. After suffering some physical changes and changes in relationships, I realized needed more help.

I deserve to be happy and to be my best emotionally.. So I made sure to get a full physical also..

You are the care giver, the one that takes care of the house.. It can be a bit overwhelming and wears us out.

Sit alone and really think about what it is YOU need and what it will take to get that.

I exercise and I'm still drained. I think you need to reanalyze your life and role WITH your husband. Mix things up in the house a bit and reevaluate responsibilities and plan for something exciting and fun that you can look forward to. I also find that sometimes you have to get yourself dressed and hair done to feel alive. Not for any reason but to feel pretty and worth it. It's cheesy but self affirmations each day really do lift spirits. I have pinned on Pinterest inspirational quotes and I read a few each day. Print one out and hang it up on the fridge for the week and when you walk by, read it. Next week, do another. Put up a photo you love of your family.

We go through our lives with all the hum drum. We forget that happiness is not something that just is, it's something you make.

EDIT:
I know this may be a bit drastic but I cut my hair...pixie or boy short. Why? Because if it's long I put it in a pony tail. If it's short, I feel like I HAVE to wear makeup to look like a girl and then with the hair cut, I feel adorable. I know it's silly but short hair forces me to be presentable to the world. Otherwise it's ponytail and dress like a boy because everyone knows with my long hair I'm a girl. Find your "thing" and love yourself for it.

I am so sorry you feel this way. It sounds very difficult. You may be feeling like a "shell" of your former self, but it sounds like others still see the good, interesting parts of you, otherwise they would not be still trying to get you to hang out with them. So at least there is that :)

My suggestion would be to take some time alone this weekend (ask your hubby to take the kids to the park) and write a list of your biggest stresses. What takes the most energy out of you? If you can come up with a solution to just ONE of these, it might give you enough energy to turn things around.

Example: (with possible solutions)
1.Demanding people at work -- new job, new department, course in people skills, or no solution/accept that this is not something I can fix
2. Work takes too much of my day --go part time, quit, accept I cannot change this-move to next problem
3. Kids complain about every dinner I cook- No elaborate dinners, stick with sandwiches during the week (take away this fight)
4. Bathtime -switch to baths every other day, start consequences for misbehavior during baths (no bedtime story, showers instead of baths, etc)
5. Bedtime routine-- simplify routine, save story time for the weekends
6. the way I look-- reserve part of each week for a work out, spa time, etc, allow yourself to get a few outfits if you can afford it

Hiring some help if you can would go a long way. You might consider seeing a doctor as well, you might have depression and need something just to get over the hump and get yourself into a better place.

M., as women, I think we put too high of an expecttion on what our lives should be sometimes. I have always been of the mindset, that a woman cannot have it all without some parts falling apart. I was in your shoes 6 years ago. My mom was gone, my dad just passed, I am an only child with an only child husband and we had 3 kids. I was in between feeling like a grown up and a child orphan. I had an incredibly stressful job and all of a sudden, I had no help at home, no system in place the "superwoman" I was supposed to be. I was being eaten up by my job and I had nothing left for the kids or husband, not to mention me. I came to a crossroads and ultimately had to make a decision that was incredibly clear and obvious. I left my job of 18 years and redirected myself. I had to. I was not able to put in 10 hrs at work and come home with anything for the kids. It was a painful choice because I thought I was wonder woman and was supposed to do everything. But nothing was worse for me than my youngest wanting a story or to play a game with me and me becoming irate with her over something that should mean the world to you. Take a breath, re-prioritize and make a decision that is good for all of you. You, a job that is not so demanding yet pays well, such as eldercare, or has benefits that allow you to work from home, such as medical billing or transcribing. Look into things like that. I now work in Eldercare, am a Certified Baby Nurse and make my own schedule. I get paid well, as I am in the privet sector of either care. Do what is best for you, because......'if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". Good luck.

Do you exercise? That might help with the energy. I'd also suggest doing something new every week, be it taking a different way to work, making a really different dinner, etc. shake things up.

But to some extent, this really is it. The basics take so much time....we put aside family time every weekend to do something fun. Usually we do a family video and family swim at the Y. This seems to recharge us all.

If I was you, I'd take two sick days from work. The first day I'd make a list of what drains your energy the most --putting the kids to bed? Meal planning/cooking?-- I'd then unplug and read and watch a movie. If also spend some time running errands, and then the second day I'd make a list of possible solutions to revitalize your life. Whenever my life is really dragging me down, this is what I do: accomplish things I keep putting off (errands) and set goals for small changes, like no more bedtime struggle with the kids, etc. I also feel better after figuring out what I can change that will make things easier.

Quit your job, or go down to part time if you can. If you can't afford to fully quit and if they don't allow part time, find a new job that's either less demanding or part time. Most people can do without the extra income or at least partial income if they really focus on cutting corners in their budget. I know what you're talking about and no offense to the other ladies, but adding an exercise class wouldn't have helped me when I already had no spare time. I spoke to my boss and I'm now working 3 days a week. It saved my sanity.

oh sweetie.
{{{{{{}}}}}}
you've got the blues, and no wonder. this is SUCH a stressful, busy, chaotic time in your life. you've got so many plates in the air, and not enough help.
this is NOT what life is all about. it's just the phase you're in. i PROMISE you, you will look back on this with compassion for your overwhelmed self.
for now, go to your doctor TOMORROW and get some help. you're not crushingly depressed, but this is a perfect example of when an exhausted young mother needs to live better through pharmaceuticals. your hormones and adrenals are all out of whack, and you don't have the leisure to let them swing gently back into synch through rest.
this phase won't last forever, and you don't have to be miserable through it now.
all will be well, mama. get some help, and be gentle with yourself.
khairete
S.

It sounds like you are having a bout of depression.

Been there, am there. Sometimes the things we are avoiding, i.e. seeing friends, are EXACTLY what we need to give us a boost.

I've found that pushing myself out with a friend revives me. A.) I get to get out of my head B.) I get a change of atmosphere for a few hours and C.) Female bonding!

It sounds like you need something outside of work and family life and that is OK. It's human.

Something has got to give and maybe you and your hubby can talk about it after the kiddos are asleep. Or if you can suck it up and hire a sitter, go out to dinner and chat.

Can you afford to scale back your hours?
Can you take a small weekend with just your hubby?

I am sitting here on a Friday night feling exactly the same as you. My job is super stressful (this week was particularily draining and frustrating), my kid is not thriving in school so a lot of energy is going into that, winter (while I generally love it) has dragged on and on and on, I feel exhausted mentally and physically all the time lately. I am usually an upbeat happy person, but life has me beaten down a bit. I am trying to figure out something to do for me. I have drifted away from my usual activities that recharge me so I need to try to get back to them.

Wow, it does sound like you are exhausted for sure. Does your DH have to work that late every night? Is there a way to get him home for dinner at least a few nights a week? Why is bath/bed a battle every night? Your kids are young enough that they should be in bed by 8-8:30 every night. Simplify your meals so that you can just toss some meat in the oven and serve with some microwaved vegtables. Give up on anything that requires a lot of chopping/prep during the week. While dinner is baking, sit down with kids and address any homework they have. After dinner, they have a little playtime and then it is time for baths and bed.

Make bath/bedtime non-negotiable. Make a routine and stick to it. If you give in and let it slide, you will get arguments for the next nights. It will be hard, but perhaps the kids sense how wore down you are. Therefore, they are pushing their limits more. When it is bedtime, it is bedtime. They MUST lay in their beds with the lights off...period. No getting up unless to potty.

If you can just get them to bed by 8:30, you will have a little time before DH gets home.

I agree -- go part time if you can. There are only so many hours in the day, and you are exhausted and overwhelmed. You are not superhuman.

I hope you feel better soon.

sounds like your solo and really could use a second set of hnds. could you hire a babysitter or nanny? we have NO family in town that can watch them. We have to hire a sitter at the least 50 bucks for the sitter alone then the cost of the "date" . TRUTHFULY we go out perhaps twice in a year. (married 6 yrs) it gets bad and sad but nothing will change if you dont make it change. yes these funks get undermyskin too but if they have been hanging around 3 or more months its time to get professional help.

i have been taking apple cider vinegar over the last 4 days and my mood has improved..idk if i just feel better or its helping depression chemicals too ???

You ever hear of the 7 yr itch? That sounds like what you have. Not that you want to have an affair but you need change. I remember what it was like at this age. It was ground hog day!
Sometimes we turn inward when it's really not what we should do. It's better to turn outward, even when we dont feel like it. Even the girl who seems like she has it all, could be just the one to pull you out of this slump. If not her friendship, maybe something she likes doing or going will catch your interest. When your youngest goes to K there will be a change. New things to do and learn. Keep good friends, make the effort. TELL them you are not doing well right now. They will probably tell you, they have those times also.

It's just a slow, tedious time in life. Try to do something fun everyday. Change things up. DON'T HAVE AN AFFAIR.
Or just have one with your H ;)
Don't give me the excuse of not having help. I never had any family close.
Count your blessings.