Not Friends Anymore- and Sad About It!

it is time to let it go ... I feel that people are with us until we learn from them what we are supposed to learn or the other way around ... she has probably learned from you and now you are learning from her that when it's over it's over and how to let go.

The problem is that the two of you have grown apart...that happens sometimes...each of us grow and evolve and change in different ways and sometimes that person that we were closest with as young adults just doesn't fit into our lives in the same way.
I have a friend...or I HAD a friend that I had been close with for over 20 years...we had helped raise each others' children, lived on the same block for years, I held her hand when her Dad died unexpectedly and was there for her when her Mom passed away. We both helped each other through the ups and downs of marriage, child rearing etc. Then suddenly, about 15 years ago, she suddenly just quit getting in touch with me. I THINK I know why ( she broke a confidence that I had shared with her and it caused a LOT of trouble in our immediate family...but I am not positive that is the reason). but it has really broken my heart. I thought that the two of us would be little old ladies...sitting in matching rockers, talking about the good old days, bragging on our grandchildren...etc etc. We have not spoken in almost 15 years...despite my repeated emails and letters.
I have finally had to tell myself that this is obviously WAY more important to me than it is to her and that I need to be good to myself and quit worrying about it and just move on with my life. I can't forcer her to want to rekindle our friendship, and even if we did I KNOW it would never be the same as it was when we were younger.
It still hurts...but I have come to terms with it and don't beat myself up about it anymore.
It sounds to me like you need to come to the same conclusion. Enjoy the good memories you have of your friendship with her but move on to making other friends and starting other memories!!!

Honestly, I would listen to your husband. He's right. You are spending energy on someone who is spending none on you. You are getting nothing out of this, but resentment and hurt. On top of that, she doesn't seem to care. I know it's hard, but you will be better off.

There is really nothing that you can do...you have tried to reach out to her and she was not receptive. She has been clear that she does not care to maintain the friendship. Easier said than done, but you need to cut your losses and move on. I get that you are very hurt...I have a similar situation and I am still hurt after over 2 years...

hey there, momof 2!

So sorry that you and your former bff are no longer on the same page. I think that as we age, people change. People say that personalities change quite often during a person's life. YOu two were once on the same road, sharing every moment of life together, sharing memories, thinking that you two would never grow apart. HOwever, with life comes changes. I think that you should not feel bad. Just tell yourself that she has chosen not to be so active in your life - her choice, not yours. Please don't let this get to you since I read that you have done what you can to reconnect with her. Having a baby changes situation, so the dynamic between those who have kids vs those who don't, change. Unfortunately. If she really wants to, she will come around. Just don't burn your bridges...you never know what is going to happen. :)

You have your memories.
Keep them.
Then move on. It sounds like she has.
You never know what is going on deep down in her life and if she's the type that can just phase out friends, it has nothing to do with you.
I've been friends with women for 30 years and sometimes we go a year without talking to each other, but when we do, it's like we never missed a step. Life goes on for each of us.
None of us are so needy that we worry or get upset about not being in constant contact.
Sometimes, we just assume that if we don't hear from each other, things must be going pretty well. We might share little e-mails or something, but even if we don't do that, it's all good. No hurt feelings. If we truly need each other because someone died or something, we're there for each other. But logistics and time get in our way as far as being close and together all the time.
I don't know. It just doesn't seem necessary to us as far as considering each other friends. Especially after 30 years.
She was in your wedding. Not being attached at the hip doesn't make her a bad person.
I was in my friend's wedding and I haven't seen her in two years. We barely IM each other because of our jobs and the demands of life. But, we both know that we are a phone call away if we truly need anything.
Sometimes friendship means the safety of knowing there's no pressure to meet this or that expectation.
That's how it works for me and my long time friends.
Just my opinion.

Sorry You are going through this and looks like you got some great responses already. I too recently lost a friend. We met each other in 1993 while stationed together in AK, and everything clicked. We have been great friends and had so many wonderful times with each other. We were in each others weddings, traveled across states to see each other and talked at least once a week even though we were often in different states. Then about 2 years ago I stopped hearing from her. No more birthday cards, emails, phone calls. Nothing. I have called her, sent her emails, sent her hand written letters and have heard nothing. I really have no idea what happened. The only thing that I can think of is that I have 2 children and she never wanted any kids and she and her husband were fine with that (he has a daughter from a previous relationship who is in college now). However in the last phone call that we had she mentioned that she really had changed her mind and wanted to have a baby and that her hubby was unwilling. I was totally on her side so I know it is not that but I can only think that she is unable to change his mind and is not going to have a child and maybe resents the fact that I do. Like I said I have no idea, just guessing because she has not responded to me in 2 years. In some ways I have let it go but in other ways I really miss her. Then again a friend of mine that I was together with through High school and for a few years after we graduated has come back into my life. We drifted apart a few years ago and actually had a big fight. We were in different phases of our lives and I felt she was trying to live through me. We haven't spoken in over 5 years but then I found her on Facebook and sent a friend request and she responded. We have mended our friendship and found that we have a lot more in common now then we did 20 years ago. We both have 2 children who are the same ages and even though I am in NH and she is in TX we have met up in our old hometown the past 2 years so that our kids can play together and we can reminisce about old times and our new lives. I think in some ways we had to each grow alone for a little while and then we could be part of each others lives again. Maybe this will happen to you as well. Good luck to you and know that you are not alone. Good friends come and go even when we don't want them to.

Sometimes when friends lives do no run parallel to each other, it is easier for one to retreat and move on. It sounds like you were married and had children while she was still single and now she is recently engaged. It is pretty common to move on when this happens. Wether it is jealousy or she just found that you had less in common...it unfortunately happens. It is also not unusual that she is friends and involved with others that are married and had kids,,but these others were not her "best" friends and therefore she was less emotionally invested. I think it is her trying to protect herself honestly...people do not like to feel like they are behind or others have what they may want and they just detach themselves instead of deal. I do not know the situation yet it sounds something like this. Also, when people start to move away from us it is normal that we want to move closer to them.In this case you seem like the better friend and truly deserve someone that will take joy in you and your friendship as you would in theirs. Good Luck! Remember the good times with her but those cannot be recreated as the relationship is just different now. It is tough to mourn a friendship. I have had friends in my life that were happy for me regardless of wether they were in a good place in their lives or not but others who can only be happy when they are happy with themselves.

Sometimes friends come into our lives for a season whether it be 4 or 20 years. Once that need is completed one of you goes your own way. I had a friend do this to me about six years back no warning and no explanation. It hurt but I did move on. There is a spot that hurts but it has healed over. I still see two of her children occasionally even though mom moved to another state. It may be that the thing she thought about doing I just did them. She never said anything to me about the choices but that was on her. Yes I did dream of the rocking chair snydrome but I am lucky to have a couple of other women I would live to grow old with and rock with on the porch.

Seasons come and seasons go and the true friends will be there through thick and thin and you can usually count them on one hand.

Good luck to you. The hurt will fade and you will enjoy life more. It is her loss.

The other S.

I think you try to save your friendship with her and I think it was good for you to do, but she seem that she has move on and all is left is for you to do the same. You say you wrote her a e-mail, telling her all you feel, I am guessing you ask her why she has growing apart, you try.
Maybe she will come around later, sometimes even good friends need some time alone.