Not Accepting an Adult Invite

My reason for not going to an afternoon potluck BESIDES being busy......

I don't like the people that are going to be there.

If she didn't ask if they were coming, they might think this is open invitation meaning come or not.

I've missed events because I didn't remember the date. My daughter nearly always texts me a reminder.

Summer day in Massachusetts with high temperatures that also started out with tornado warnings this morning? I can think of a lot of reasons. There's also "I don't want to prepare a dish when it's humid" and "I don't want to spend the day eating."

If it was open-ended, like an open house, no RSVP was necessary. So expecting them to show because they've self-identified as lonely might be a stretch. If they RSVP'd yes and then didn't show or call, that's rude on their part. I agree with you about not asking them - there's no good answer to "Why didn't you want to be with us or even give us the courtesy of a call?"

All you can do is learn from it and decide that these events aren't popular with 75% of your group of 8. Try another sort of event, like a museum trip with lunch in the cafe or at the waterfront, a jazz festival, etc.

Well, have you had these events in the past? Were they boring? Offensive? Political discussions? Hard to know - but honestly, in the current political climate, there are topics of discussion and opinions people feel they need to share that make me not want to be around them. Are you one of those people?

Sometimes you just don't feel like socializing. Or you're tired. Or feeling lazy. Or have something better to. MANY reasons. I'm older, just turned fifty, so I no longer feel the need to make an excuse when I choose not to attend something. I just reply with a standard "Thanks for the invite but I won't be able to make it, have fun!"

For me it would be the time of day. Afternoon potluck wouldn't be my thing. I don't tend to eat very much during the day and seriously its been very hot and humid here to leaving the house isn't happening this week.

I would think saying "Who is in?" before going ahead with it would be the best advice, next time, before the day just to gauge numbers. I don't think I would have still had it for just you showing up. I would have gone out to lunch with your friend instead on a rooftop patio somewhere.

But as to why? I would think that unless they had to commit, a lot of people bail. People who bail just often are anti-social by nature (not necessarily don't like you, but may just need any excuse not to go out and will take it), may change their minds even if they had intended to go because they weren't up for socializing (a lot of people are like this - aren't anti-social, but lose interest once the day comes unless going with someone, or have committed), may not have wanted to go in the heat, or to eat all afternoon, etc.

Then they may not have enjoyed the company etc. You don't say if this is a good group of friends.

But bailing at last minute - this is not a nice trait, but a lot of people do it. That's why a commitment is a good thing.

I personally would rather an evening appetizer gathering with drinks with women, or even brunch.

I get a migraines from going out in hot weather. So I would decline for that reason.

When we do a girls' night each month, we email or talk about dates ahead of time and pick the best for everybody. That way we know who will make it that month and what everyone is bringing.

Did the other 6 ladies rsvp yes or no? Or was this an open ended invite? That information will greatly influence my answer.

Are these potlucks held on a regular basis? Do others show up then? Are other activities held and people show up to those but not pot lucks?

I think the first thing to consider is the function. If people show up to other things maybe they don't like pot lucks.

The other explanation is that the others don't like the hostess or the people they thought were coming. Honestly, that would probably be the biggest reasons I wouldn't show up to something. Even if the activity isn't the greatest but I'm seeing my friends I'm more prone to show up.

It could be anything really - tired, sick, not feeling social, didn't like the weather, didn't like the location, doesn't like potlucks, bad time of day, surprise visitors, something else to do, got a flat tire, etc.

The potluck setup matters too.

If this was a casual "come if you can" sort of thing then no reasons are necessary or owed. When you put forth that kind of invitation you have to be prepared for any outcome in attendance.

If this was an advance planning event with accepted invitations and firm "Yes, I will be there" answers, then for the sake of manners some kind of communication is required if one's circumstances change and they can't attend. For all six to be absent without a word would be bizarre.

being busy is probably the answer.

did the others say they would come and then not show? that's the important point missing from it.

i suppose there's a slew of others. not liking someone else who's coming. desperately needing some quiet time. introversion. weather. an unexpected visit from someone else. illness.

without asking (which i wouldn't do either, that's incredibly presumptuous) there's just no way to know, really.

i'm sorry it happened. though. i hope you and your friend had a pleasant afternoon regardless.
khairete
S.

You can only speculate as to why others didn't come.

Was there supposed to be a topic of discussion?
Did the 6 others RSVP that they were coming and then a no-show?

I don't know why I would not go visit my friends if I had the chance.

I guess I read this wrong.
I'd say people are bored with it.
They've been there and done that and it's no longer novel.
Time to start going places.
Try a new restraunt, see a movie/play/concert, go bowling, take a class to learn something new (cooking, art, craft, basket weaving, yoga, wine tasting, make a stained glass lamp, paint ceramics, etc).

Ditto Birdsfreakmeout.

Did they RSVP? That would affect my answer.

I found that weekends are my time when I can actually do some things at home to catch up after work all week. Even if I have a day off the next day. I like people but one on one instead of a pot luck so I can really enjoy someone's company. I have been in situations where I feel like I was almost forced to go to some sort of group luncheons, a pot luck, participate in retirement parties, etc. and again as much as one loves people there are some of us who would like to read, or study or visit with family or just plan nap and watch dumb movies. In our area there is one person who practically doesn't give you a choice. She assigns things for people to do and bring without considering what it would take to do it. I prefer to say no to her now. Maybe now, too since some are empty nesters maybe they don't want to make meals but would enjoy meeting in a restaurant and getting waited on.