We have a cat--make that my husband's cat. She was there before me. I still call her my husband's cat because she is all about him. She never acknowledges anyone else and I've accepted her antisocial ways. What I haven't accepted is her behavior for the past 20 months. I say 20 months because that's the age of DD. Ever since I was pregnant she has had one too many "I'm going to spray things" incidents, hairballs, and other signs of kitty stress and territory issues. She is more work than my DD. I guess I feel a little bad because I've lost all affection for her. She hides all the time to avoid DD and after DD is asleep she comes out demanding attention with this very loud Meow. I feel terrible because I just don't have it in me. Has anyone else felt this way about a pet? I don't ignore her completely but after a year plus of peeing, pooping and puking I"m done. And yes, the peeing, pooping and puking is the CAT!
**We already took her to the vet who said stress from the baby is the factor. The cat is 14 years old, on medication and is probably unadoptable. She is so attached to my husband that she'd probably hide or act out in a new home. I think we can deal. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't a horrible person for feeling this way :-)
This is how cats operate ... I would however look into getting her some "new" territory - a new nicer cat tree or an outdoor area that is closed in for her to explore something new and different just for her.
have her checked at the vet; sometimes this is a medical problem. Then I recommend Dr. Elsey's products (stain reomver, cat litter, etc.). GL! and yes, I have felt this way too.
Looks as if I'm presenting a minority opinion here. But I've dealt with a number of less-than-friendly cats.
Your vet is probably right. It's stress. And she is not adoptable. Even a healthy five-year-old cat is at risk of being "too old" at a shelter.
Consider her a big baby in her own right who is jealous of the new kid and having tantrums. You can handle it that way. "Well, Fluffy, it's too bad you act that way, but this baby is STAYING. Nothing you can do is going to send her away." Take charge. Talk to Fluffy nicely but firmly, whether she acts nice to you or not. (The neighborhood cats hiss at me all the time, and I answer, "I'm fine - how are you?") Make it your own game. This requires a sense of humor, and I'm sure you have that. When she comes out at night, meowing, treat her like the older child again. "Well, I'm glad you've come out. Yes, my day has been busy. How was yours?"
Keep the litter box clean (you might even add another one), lay in a supply of Nature's Miracle, and ask the vet if Kitty is vomiting hairballs and needs medication (over-the-counter) for that. And keep talking to the cat.
Several years ago, my younger son married a gal - and her cat. The cat eventually decided he could stay. Actually, she even liked him... eventually. She did not like the dog they adopted later, and she did not like the second dog DIL later added to the family while Dan was on one of his tours to Iraq. She acted out and was not especially agreeable to anyone! When the baby arrived she thought it was a nuisance. But DIL hung in there and cleaned up after her. In her old age the kitty was pretty ill (and needed even more cleaning after), but she hung on; my daughter-in-law said, "I wonder if she's waiting for Dan to come home." It turned out that was exactly what the kitty was doing. She passed away the day after he came home, curled up in his lap, at the age of seventeen.
Nope your not alone. At one time in my life I was a "bird person". I even raised baby cockatiels. Now I look back and think, "Who was that?? How could I stand it?". They are messy, demanding and at times, loud. I had a breeding pair and the first baby. The parent birds have passed on, but I still have the "baby". After children, my beloved pet has become a burden. I care for him and try to give him attention daily, but my heart is not in it like it once was. I have incredible guilt. I raised him since birth and it's been almost 16 years. I SHOULD be much more emotionally attached than I am. Fortunately, he isn't destructive like many birds (or your cat). I still get major pangs of guilt. My hubby even teases me because I buy toys for him to make me feel better about not showering him with attention (I do MAKE myself spend time with him, birds need it, but it's forced and not as often as it was before children). You are not horrible. Hang in there!
I would check with the vet to see if there is a medical problem....
if there's no medical problem - then talk to your husband about giving her up for adoption. this is not how I would want to live my life - you have two babies and that's not what you signed up for.
Husband needs to step up and start taking more responsibility and affection for the cat or she needs to go. Sorry. That is cold I know. But really - if it's not a medical problem - the cat needs to go. That's just too much drama and stress.
It isn't wrong to feel that way. But if you don't WANT to feel that way, then try to look at it from a slightly different perspective: Kitty is old. REALLY old. Think of kitty as in her late 80's and she is hubby's weird old Aunt that lives with you. You have to clean up after her. You don't understand her all of the time. She is a pain in the patoot. She is moody. She can be anti-social. But she is family. And she is OLD. She may not last that much longer...
What can you do, if anything, to help her enjoy her last years?
I love Mary's comments about talking to her... Yes... DO that! You can even call her "Aunt _____" if it helps you keep your perspective or sense of humor. I talk to my dog all the time. She may not understand me or what I am saying, but believe me, she KNOWS when I am talking TO her, or even ABOUT her.... And she listens..... don't know what she thinks about it, but I can tell she DOES think when she hears me talking to/about her....
And, no, the cat is not adoptable.
We typically have the belief that once you commit to an animal then it is your responsibility for the remainder of it's life. I say that to say this: 11 years ago my husband picked a tiny little kitten up out of a ditch, a year later we ended up keeping one of her kittens so for 9 years we had two cats. After our son was born the cats began to display some antisocial behavior (not to the extent yours is but basically just not wanting to be around). Once our daughter was born they made themselves extremely scarce and didn't even want to be in the same room with either of the kids. They craved affection and after the kids were down they would come looking for it, kinda like yours is doing. Finally with a third baby on the way and looking at multiple moves in a short period we made the decision to rehome them. Thankfully, my husband's aunt adores them and had kept them for us previously. The cats have been with her for about a year now and are thriving. They live in a child-free home and don't have to spend all day hiding and running away. When we go visit them I can normally coax the cats out and spend time petting them & loving on them but if the kids are with me they (the cats) run and hide every time. I honestly think they are much better off in a home without kids & while they no longer live with us we still take on a portion of the financial responsibility by paying for vet visits & such.
It may be time to seriously consider finding another home for this cat where it can get the attention it needs and craves.
I hope you find a solution!
You aren't horrible but maybe you and your hubby need to figure out places his cat can hang out without the stress of your daughter. Cats tend to love high places so maybe you can fashion step ups so the cat can hang out on the top of a hutch or dresser. My cats love to sleep in a boxed out window and on the 3rd floor (which is blocked off from the dog).
At age 14 she is unadoptable and would probably be put to sleep. I had one crabby old bag who was horrid to everyone in the family and every other cat we adopted. We all just gave her a lot of space. She was with us for 20 yrs and we were upset when she finally passed away but boy the house was a lot nicer after she was gone.
I can TOTALLY see what you are saying. Our cat is going on 13 years and I am seriously getting to dislike her. She is definitely DH's cat. She goes through periods of stress too. She also goes through periods where she has major poop issues. Of course, the vet says that it is stress. So DH went on a tear where he insisted it was because of the food we gave her and she didn't like it. The more he changed the food, the worse it got. When he finally realized that she did just fine with the food that I had her on in the first place, that situation improved. This damn cat used to sleep with us until one night when she had diarhhea in our bed when we were sleeping. That was it for me...now she is locked in the bathroom each night. I feel your pain...
I don't think you're wrong to feel this way at all. Over a year ago, we lost our beloved cat. She weathered the birth of all three of our kids pretty well, tolerated her tail being pulled a bit etc...when they were babies. She never sprayed or acted out at all. She was the best. Last December, the kids were begging for another cat so we adopted a kitten from a shelter. We couldn't have chosen a worse one! We've had her since she was 12 wks old, so she's been with us basically her whole life. She is very feisty, very aggressive and antisocial. She's not good with kids at all. She scratches and bites them all the time, scratches and bites my husband and I all the time, has peed when neighborhood stray cats come by our windows...I would take her back to the shelter in a heartbeat, but my kids want her to stay even though she's hurt them. My husband says we made a commitment to her so we have to keep her, but I don't want to deal with her for the next 10-18 years. With our luck, she'll live to be 20 years old! At least yours is already 14, so maybe she'll um...er....pass on pretty soon? One can always hope!
Cats will often attach themselves to one person in the family and not others. It's just the nature of cats. And they do not always adapt well to changes in their environment, especially if they're old. Knowing that it's normal for the species doesn't make it any easier to deal with, though.
I would ask your husband to be sure and give the cat extra attention when he's home. And no, it doesn't make you a bad person.
