My boyfriend is a great guy, he is funny, thoughtful, helps around the house, and great with kids i can tell he is gonna be a great dad too. The only problem is he isnt aware of what im going through. As any woman knows about being pregnant ya horomones are going crazy, well i was already alittle off before so this has just made it harder. I have been having contractions for 3 weeks now and he just ignores me when i say they hurt also when i tell him my back hurts all he says is well what can i do about it. When i ask him to do things like rub my back or stomache he will only do it for a few minutes and then stop. Unless he wants to rub my stomache then hell do it forever. When i was first experiencing the pain he was so understanding but that just stopped. The other day he finally admitted that the reason he ignores me when im going through it is because he thinks im over exagerating the pain which im not.I have tried explaining the feeling to him but its hard how do i get him to be more understanding about what i am going through.
Well i finally broke down one day. I bust into tears and just started telling him everything i feel. And to my surprise he has been great ever since he does things before i even ask him too. The other nite he walked into the room when i had an extremely painful contraction he sat down beside me and held my hand and rubbed my back. It was so sweet i started crying. but i just wanted to say thank you everyone for the advice
Really, what CAN he do? Specific things like a back rub, foot rub, etc. he will most likely do IF you ask him specifically. Men are really bad at getting "subtle". Tell him what you want him to DO. Men are more about actions and less about feelings. They're just wired differently. Don't worry, after he watches you give birth, he'll have a whole new respect for motherhood and all that women go through to give life. Take care of yourself!
I know some men would rather just have you tell them what you want them to do. If the contractions are causing pain in your back, maybe you can ask him to rub your back rather than tell him how much it hurts.
He does seem to be a bit insensitive/immature/naive as to what is going on in your body. Maybe you can find a book that explains it?
Congratulations and good luck.
S.
My husband was the same way, unless a backrub led to other things....
One night I kept seeing a Dairy Queen commercial that got the cravings going. It was like 9pm. I asked him to run to Dairy Queen for me. His response was 'you have a car, drive yourself.' I couldn't believe it. I was 6m pregnant, carrying his child, the least he could do was go get ice cream!
I told him that, started crying and he STILL didn't go!
I would just talk to him and say, look I know you can't fix the aches and pains, but can you just let me gripe a bit and not make comments?
Good luck
M.
I would say talk to him. Let him know that you feel like you are going through this alone. Tell him what you need from him, and what he needs from you (maybe specific actions, etc.). I felt the same way for my first pregnancy (almost even more with my second). Also, see if you can get the What to Expect When You are Expecting and have him read it. It won't explain the pain, but he may at least understand what is happening to you.
;-) Pinch him. REALLY hard. When he complains tell him... "na...that didn't hurt. You're exaggerating". LOL... I'm kidding.
Take him with you to the doctor and let the doctor explain the process of what's going on inside your body. That baby is pushing all sorts of things around. It's sitting on your bladder, sciatic nerve...etc...
It doesn't really matter if you ARE exaggerating. If he's your partner it's his JOB to try and make things easier on you. Tell him exactly "What he can do about it"...
"Rub my back/belly"... "get me a warm towel (to lay over your sciatic nerve)"... etc. Ask him nicely, and be thankful, but don't be shy about your needs. Sometimes it might be "just hug me for a mintue". My husband of 23 years will tell you "Men don't want to read your mind, and they don't take subtle". Be specific, and be direct... but be appreciative and affirming".
Best of Luck
TinaC
I think Denise and Sandy are completely on track. Most guys are fixers. They are geared emotionally to solve problems, and feel frustrated and helpless when they can't fix 'em.
Plus, it's really hard for any of us to relate to a pain we're not having. I have yet to meet a man who has even the vaguest idea what pregnancy is like. And guys like the idea of being tough. I have learned over many years that even my gentle, considerate husband wishes I'd just buck up and keep quiet about my aches and pains.
BUT, if you can tell him what he could do for you that would make your life easier, tell him. Maybe that would be a request like, "You know, sweetie, I'm having such a hard day, and I'd feel better it if you'd just sit beside me and let me put my head on your strong shoulder for five minutes."
And to whatever extent he is able to meet your emotional or physical needs, be sure to express your gratitude. Be specific about the benefit, like "Oh, I feel refreshed and so connected to you right now!" or "You know, I think those strokes really did make my back feel a little better."
He's a man and I know quite a few men who thank God they can't get pregnant - it's not comfortable at all. It's not sentiment your boyfriend lacks, it's empathy. See if you can find a child birth educator in your area who might have this product:
http://www.empathybelly.com/features.html
He'll have a whole new appreciation for what you are going through if he can wear one of these pregnancy simulators for awhile.
