No Parents Observing Class

Yeah, you know, that just would NOT work for me. No one will EVER tell me I cannot be near my child if I choose to be--

Since there's no obvious warning and a reasonable person would not assume this policy I'd reclaim my money and quickly find another class with teacher capable and unafraid to teach with parents near. The insistance that you leave would be a RED FLAG to me.

I will say, at that age it MAY be helpful for parents not to be there because the children may tune into the teacher more and not pull the shy play. AND it's also possible that there have been overbearing parents in the past--there every where. So, there MAY real reasons behind this, BUT it should be CLEARLY expressed PRIOR to any agreement for services and payment are reached.

This would NOT fly with me...NO WAY.

This is totally normal and expected for dance/ballet classes. We have done a dance studio( Michelle lattimer acadamy) and the Trails rec center and they both have closed classes. I guess we just get to see them at the recitals.

My daughter isn't old enough for dance class yet, but I know that when I was in dance Parents were not allowed in the class. But they did have a one way window parents could watch through. Many dance teachers believe parents are a distraction to the class. That is probably why she doesn't allow you to stay and watch.

I know how this feels...I remember the first dance class we couldn't sit in on. It is very normal though. At this age, it is usually more distracting for parents to be present. We've been in dance for about 7 years now, and it's very normal (but bothersome, I know).

My 5 then 4 yr old started dance last year. I was concerned about the not watching, but later realized that my daughter focused more on learning with me not there, vs when we watched, she was more focused on impressing us with what she had learned. My advice would be to talk to your child before and after class, and get to know the teachers to make sure all goes well. Good luck!!!

From my experience this is a pretty normal thing for a dance tumbling class. I taught gymnastics for years and we didn't allow parents to observe the class fromthe floor. We did have a room upstairs where they could sit and watch, but we still askes them to watch without interrupting. In my experience most children behave differently in a class whent eh parents are allowed to watch (usually worse) and some parents tend to try and "coach" their child during the class which in very rude to the teacher and disrupts the class. i taught in a regular gymnastics studio were this was a policy and i volunteer taught a group where the parents were either participating or observingthe whole time. in the volunteer setting the kids would run back to their parents every 5-10 minutes to talk or get a hug, etc. it was really hard to get through a class. So don't be offended by the teacher, most likely he/she has dealt with these problems many times and because of it adopted this no observing policy. if you're really bothered by it, ask permission to observe, maybe from a place the kids won't see you. unfortunately a few parents and kids cause the issues that make policies for everyone, but it really will help the class go more smoothly, which means your daughter will have more fun and learn more.

While I understand not allowing parents into the ROOM so as to keep focus, telling the parents they cannot observe through the observation window or soemthing else would set off red flags for me. I'd find something else for my child to do (karate, gymnastics, etc) where I could be in the facility. JMHO, but I'd be pissed..

This is harder on the mommy than the child. Your child is better off if you are not seen, she will concentrate on the class and the teacher will have better control. If mommies are in sight the children all act much more needy. You can and should instruct your child on what is not acceptable behavior from other adults so she would tell you if anything weird was happening, but assuming you trust the teacher then try to relax. Your child is 4 and doing this on her own now will help with the transition into kinderagrten. Enjoy.

Hi K.. Over the summer we enrolled my 3 1/2 yr. old daughter in her first ballet camp. It was the same as what you had described. Parents were not allowed in the classroom. However, there was a window which we could peer into anytime to see the children which was okay with us. Perhaps you could inquire if your ballet school has a similar set up, a window which you could peek into from time to time. From our experience, it seems the ballet classes are very disciplined which is why they do not want the parents in the class. PS - What do you do for a home based business? I'be been trying to find something as well to keep my sanity and help out with our income but haven't had any luck. Any information you could provide would be helpful! FYI, I have a 3 1/2 yr. old daughter and 11 month old son.

Thanks!
A.

I know you've got a lot of responses already, but I have to give my input.

I would be very concerned about any program for 4-year-olds that doesn't allow parents to observe. Even a preschool/daycare center that doesn't allow parents to drop by unannounced for a visit raises my suspicions. I would go immediately to the director of the center. Especially as you're not sure that they do background checks. As a parent you have the right to be there!

I can understand that as a teacher it is easier to teach the kids and keep their minds on what they need to be doing when the parents are gone, but at 4 years of age you still want to watch what is going on.
I think both sides have a valid point.
Perhaps this isn't the right class for you... I know there are classes where parents are more than welcome to watch, so perhaps research and find one that fits your needs as much as your childs.
But if this is really the class you want her in and you get a good vibe from the instructor, perhaps just put your trust in the process. I am sure you can still stay in the building if you want that extra security of knowing you are at least near.

this is how it is done at this age and on up. The child has dificulty learning properly and being "free" if she is woried about mom, nervous and runs over to mom al the time, etc. We even went to the dentist and where asked to leave. Then she was much more open to having them helper her. Otherwise, she is looking for my help and "showing off" for mom.

I would certainly be weirded out by it. I've had my son in swimming lessons and taken him to gymnastics classes in two different facilities. We could leave if we wanted to, but we usually sat around the pool and watched or chatted. Sometimes I took the baby to the nearby park. At gymnastics, we could also leave, but there were big observation windows. The paper work also stated plainly that parents were always welcome in the gym with cameras. With everything that happens to kids these days, they're stupid not to allow parents. One of these places was super nice, the other one was definitely a family run, nothing too glitzy type of place, but they had the same policies.
I understand about the distractibility of children. My husband taught swimming lessons for years, but could NOT teach our kids a thing--they just do better when mom and dad aren't around. He also hated Mom 'N Me classes because the moms hindered their children's progress.
I think i would be uncomfortable with not being able to see any part of what's going on in the class. Even if it's nothing criminal, what if the teacher were belittling, or used swear words, or anything you wouldn't approve of? How would you know? I have a 4 year old, and while he's very sharp and can explain things in great detail, he is not capable of describing or even comprehending certain adult behavior. I mean, he's not going to be able to tell me that his teacher is belittling or condescending. He's more likely to accept that as how adults treat children.
Not to mention the fact that they could be playing hopscotch and hangman in there and you wouldn't know for 10 weeks, after they've taken your money and your daughter hasn't learned a thing...
I suppose it would cost too much to put in a one-way mirror or an observation window, and that's why they don't do it. I think you'll have to decide if you can feel comfortable with it, or if you should find a different facility with a different set-up or a different policy.
I just saw that you're from Baker City. My husband lived there for a while and took me up to see it a few years ago. He even took me to eat at Happy Burger and I got to eat at that super yummy Mexican food place with his friend from Halfway (oh, I mean Half.com). Anyway, I'm guessing you don't have many choices for dance classes! I hope you can find something you're comfortable with.

Katina,

As long as you feel you can trust this teacher...
I say Hurrah! I know of too many "stage moms" that interfer with a child's ability to simply enjoy the moment.

Trust your feelings about the teacher and notice how your daughter is feeling in general about the class.
As long as she seems to be enjoying it. I wouldn't worry.

With my whole heart,
C. TLC (Transition Life Coach)

From the perspective of the class: the reason why they tell parents not to be there, is because, most children focus and do better when the parents aren't there. Also some parents but into the class while the instructor is teaching and that is not fair to the teacher or the other ballet students. Take a good book with you or something you can do for the hour and enjoy your time, your daughter will be fine, and you will be amazed at how much she is able to do when you are allowed back into the class.

Pull your child from the class and tell the truth, it's your child and you feel you should be allowed to stay and observe. I can understand the instructor making that "suggestion" however to state that she does not allow it is wrong. I have never heard of any class or event that small children are involved in that does not allow the parent to observe. She most likely just wants it to be a surprize for the parents at the end of the class to see what progress was made, however if you are not comfortable with it then tell her so. In this day and age you cannot be to careful and you have everyright to stay and watch.

I've seen it done both ways. In the class where parents stayed, the instructor asked that parents help control their kids if they acted up. My daughter loved having me there watching her dance every week. In classes where parents have been asked to leave, it is because the instructor stated that she found the children to be more attentive and well-behaved when not "showing off" in front of, or being distracted by, a room full of parents. Plus, the kids were so proud to be able to perform and show how much they've learned at the end of the session.

Having said that, if you're not comfortable with it, make a special request to the teacher to be allowed to stay, or find a different class for your kid. It ultimately comes down to what you and your child are comfortable with.

I had this same thing happen to me when my daughter was in a dance class. My understanding is they do this so the children do not have any distraction during the class from their parents. However, if you do not feel comfortable with this, I would talk to the teacher and perhaps ask her if you could watch for the first few times just to get comfortable with her. It's worth a shot. I know how you feel though. I was a little nervous about it myself.

i took my little sister to tumbling classes. it was almost the same except there was a little room we could sit in and watch from above. i think the main reason to have the parents gone is so the kids can put their full focus on instructors. some parents might intervene, and it could have been something the school's dealt with before. i would just ask my kid how things went. if good, no worries. if there's any signs of distress, talk to her about it and go with your feelings. My feelings are that everything will be good. I wouldn't worry too much about it. ;)

This is totally normal. The reason they don't want parents in there is because whenever most parents are in the same room, the teacher loses control of the class because the kids don't know what adult to use as the authority figure. Most kids will run to their parents to show them everything they have done -- which causes a distraction -- or the moment anything happens they don't like or understand, they'll run to their parents instead of trying to work it out with the teacher. Plus, if one parent is in there, then all the parents want to be in there and then there isn't enough room for the class without the kids tripping on all the parents sitting around the room.

There are some dance studios around the valley that offer one-way windows so parents can look in without the kids seeing them. C&C Ballet Academy used to be like this, but then changed studios just a few weeks ago. Try looking around for one like this if you are still concerned. Good luck!

My daughter took ballet (3-5 year olds) at the YMCA and the same thing happened. I was a bit suprised but I understood that the studio room was a bit small and the kids listen better when the parents are not in the same room. It gave me some time to workout while she was in class. I would always ask if she had a good time and if she was a good girl, then I would ask her the same question. She always had a great story about what she learned and then she would show everyone how she knew how to ballet. =)It was sooo fun to watch their program at the end of the class. It was a great experience. She wants to take a pom-cheer class now. Hope this helps. M.

Hi K.,
I would talk to the teacher, tell her you have told your daughter to not pay attention to you but only to the teacher during the class but you plan on staying. When kids are 9 or older then leaving them is fine if you are comfortable with that but I most certainly want to see her progress throughout her class not just the last class. It is something my kids and I can talk about and they know I want to be involved. 4 years is too young to tell the parents to step out.
Good luck,
SarahMM

Having parents not in the room is fine. BUT you should still be able to observe the interaction with your child: a closed circuit TV that you can watch in a lobby or a one way mirror into the room. I personally would be finding a different class. In no way do I believe a 4 year old should be left unattended with someone you have not been able to check out personally. School is different as they are licensed and you are still invited to volunteer in a class. With a private facility such as this what assurances do you have that background checks ahve been run? I'm probably more paranoid than most, but I'd rather have my child be safe and me seem little weird than God Forbid have something terrible happen.

Just FYI, Elite Dance Academy on 108th and 287 offers closed circuit TVs for you to watch the class. And Rocky Mountain Dance on 64th and Wads offers one way mirrors.

Hi,

I also experienced this same thing this month after enrolling my kids in tumbling. My daughters are 7 & 11 so I wasn't too concerned, but my son is 3 and this is his first experience with any type of class on his own. I too was planning on staying to watch but upon arrival I read a note on the door saying no staying to observe except on the first class of the month. However, the owner/instructor sent home a list of rules, and she explained the "parents are not allowed to watch rule". She mentioned that it helped to maintain order, the kids were distracted by those watching or by the noise or talking of those watching. Also, she is distracted by the same things. She said the students get more involved in the class and it helps them create self-confidence and self reliability. She is very caring, my son was unsure of himself and didn't want to stay. I watched for about the first half hour and then quietly left. He is so excited about tumbling and can't wait to go each week. This is a good thing for him to be away from me and know that I will be back to pick him up.

It would be nice for you to have some explanation or at least some time you could watch. I didn't read the other responses; but for myself, I wouldn't be comfortable paying and going thru a ten week course and never knowing what is being taught or what is expected until the course if over. How can you express your concerns or have questions answered when the course is over?

Good luck!

My daughter's dance teacher has the same type of rule. She has a parent observation day in the middle of the year, but the rest of the time, all the parents sit out in the hall and wait for the kids to finish the lesson. Her reasoning is that the parents being in there is distracting to the kids. I was a tiny bit weirded out at first, but this is my daughter's 3rd year with this teacher, and I am used to it now. My daughter is 4, and easily distracted, so I think she does better without the distraction of parents peeking in all the time.

Hi K.,

You didn't mention if you remained on the premises of the ballet school. When my daughter was 4 she went to ballet, and though the parents weren't in the classroom, we were right outside the door, and there was a big window with a curtain that we were free to go to and ''check in'' on the kids. If you are asked to leave and return in an hour, I think I'd think twice about leaving my 4 yr old. Good luck!

I am a dance teacher of children ages 2 - 16 but teach mostly the little ones. The policy at our studio is the first lesson of the month parents are invited to watch if they would like, all other lessons are to be without parents. We do make exceptions if grandparents, special friends, etc. are in town with prior permission. I think it is extremely important for parents to feel completely comfortable with where their children are and what they are doing and how they are being treated. Having said that, it is the teachers job to get the students to perform at their best potential and it is almost always easier for the child to perform their best when the parent is not present.

I would talk to your studio owner and tell her/him that you need to be able to observe class and why. Tell them you know of other studios policy's and it is allowed. If they still say you can only observe at the end - I would definetly find a new studio. You are welcome at mine!

I have had lots of instructors do this. In my experience of teaching kids, they behave much much better without their parents. If it is in a group setting, I don't see a problem with it, she probably has just had bad experiences in the past with some kids misbehaving in front of their parents. It is easier to say that nobody attends then to just pick out the problem children's parent.

Plus, my children are able to show off what they have learned at the end of the session - a surprise for mommy.
Take Care,
Tam

Hi K.,
I taught dance for years (though it's been awhile now) and we had that policy as well. We would allow parents to observe class on the last week of the month only. We found that kids paid more attention without the parents there. So, don't be offended it is pretty normal.

Enjoy your hour, read a book, grab a coffee. Don't be late to pick her up though, kids hate that!! :)

My almost 2 year old and I started a mommy toddler class 3 weeks ago. Now when she goes to class next year mommy's aren't allowed to attend class except on observation days. This practice is common in most dance studios from 3 on up. This allows them to learn discipline and doesn't distract the little ones. I am fine with my studio doing that next year, I trust the teachers. They have a lobby for the moms to sit in while the kids are in class. Of course it is good to keep an eye on our kids, but they also need their time to accomplish things.

From the classes my kids were in when they were young, I think a no parents model is by far the best. Kids tend to listen better and be less self conscious (trying to please Mom). I think they tend to step it up a notch. Unless your daughter is complaining the teacher is mean or doesn't want to go to class, I think you should continue and see what progress she makes in 10 weeks.

I don't have personal experience as a mom (although I have an 11 month old son) but I do have experience as a dancer and teacher. It's very common for parents to be asked not to watch dance class. Often, especially when the children are little, having the parents becomes too distracting. A lot of kids can focus and will listen better when their parents aren't around. There is little time in a dance class (unlike tumbling) where students are waiting their turn or have down time to become distracted, dance classes usually demand their attention for the entire class. Some dance studios have parent observation weeks every month or 2 so the parents can see what the kids are learning but even then sometimes the parents are watching through one-way glass so the parents can see in but the students can't see their parents.

I would say the teacher has learned the hard way kids do not focus with parents hovering. It is true you may want to watch her but she will pay attention better, probably be more apt to absorb stuff without you being right there. If this is a reputable place I see no reason for you to be concerned, you can find a place close outside the door or something to wait so you are closer if you are worried. When my daughter was in dance, there was a big window, they shut the blinds on the window until the last few minutes so the girls didn't lose focus, I just sat in the waiting area.

I have seen many times parents that hover over their kids, cause disruption, not just to their own kids but to other children who may not have a parent right there.
Being concerned is one thing, having your child "under your thumb" is another. Trust your daughter to do her best, trust the teacher and just see how it goes.

Our dance class thus far: Our one and only dance studio signs up kids in August with papers stating that parents are not to watch~but that there are 3 watch days during the year (in which they go wild and you wonder if they learned anything so far). My first year I was a little nervous about leaving her (4yo), only because I never had, but she was so anxious to get to be with other girls her age, that I was fine by the time I was leaving

This year, I have 2 girls in. The only hard part is the classes are 50 min and I have to get what I need done in town during those 2 50 min periods while getting back there to switch girls.

If you don't think the place you are taking her is safe, why bother taking her there? What are your problems other than you've always had her in your sight? Isn't she going to go to Kindergarden next year, couldn't this be a step towards that seperation you'll feel then? They don't have to many benchs in Kindergarden to sit and watch you kid.

Seems abnormal to me. My daughter went to three dance studios before we settled on one she liked, and all were open to me watching the class. Especially at such a young age I think it is important to be able to watch the kids-- not just to see how your little one is dancing, but to see how the teacher interacts with them, and how the kids in the class all get along too. I'd say the 'no watching' policy is a red flag.

I went through that with both of my older girls when they reached the 3 1/2 -4 year old classes, both at different studios. The teachers informed me that starting at about that age children do much better without their parents watching. I found it to be true. Both girls progressed much further than I had expected and gained a healthy amount of autonomy as well. I believe this is very normal at that age. If you have any misgivings about what may be happening in the class, or if you are feeling uncomfortable with the teacher, though, listen to those feelings. As your child's mother, keeping them safe is one of your most important jobs.

I don't have a lot of experience with this, but my 5 year old daughter is in dance, and ALL the mothers stay to watch. The instructor even has benches set out for that purpose. I think that for any age child, parents should have the ability to stay with their child if they feel they should. I can see several reasons why the instructor would want the parents to leave. Many kids behave differently without mom there. It would be much less distracting to the girls, also, and help those who have seperation anxiety get over it sooner. But if a mom really wants to stay, I think the teacher should allow it.

I taught dance for six years, and from that perspective, I know where the teacher is coming from. When we had parents in the back of the classroom, sometimes they were more disruptive than the kids! (Mostly they just talked too much, too loud) Also, sometimes it creates a problem with the kids running to mommy every five seconds, wanting something, instead of paying attention to the teacher; whereas if the parent wasn't there, they would be just fine.

Now, from the perspective of a parent, I know where you're coming from. I don't know how my 3 1/2 yr. old would do in a dance class, and I would want to be there to make sure she did all right and wasn't acting up. Plus, being a dance teacher, I would also want to see what kinds of things the teacher was teaching the children.

Eventually in our dance studio we put in a lobby area with an observation window, so the parents could still see what was going on and they weren't disrupting the class. You might still "shop around" and look for a dance studio that has something like this, if you are uncomfortable leaving your daughter at the class.

Hope this helps!

Working with kids in this age group... I have found that some of them will act up if a parent is present. But they are well behaved when left with the teacher. Once one kid is out of control it doesn't take much for the rest to follow. It is probably to create a productive environment. I would ask for names of parents that have had kids in the class and talk to them about the situation and how it worked out. What ever you do... follow you gut. Mom's intuition is rarely wrong.

I hope she has a discreet method to watch (double mirror or video feed) just so everyone is on the level. I know parents can be distracting for the children. So, if you aren't happy with her mandate, or your daughter complains, you can pull her out and go to another program. Do what you feel is best for your daughter (leave her or pull her out), but do not tell the teacher how to run her program.