No Gifts

I think you are totally rational on this. I did the same thing I asked everyone to please donate to my children's 529 college fund or to their savings accounts. If they were compelled to buy something maybe a pair of socks. I am very fortunate to have a sister n law that has given me ton's of hand me down toys, clothes, and books for both my kids so I truly do not need anything else. Good luck, and don't think people will be offended just explain the situation, that you don't want their gifts to wind up in a garage sale pile :)

We just went to a friend's party where "no gifts" had been requested. Wasn't a problem at all. I think that if you start mentioning it now in passing "oh, he has so much stuff / everyone was so generous at Christmas, we're requesting no gifts for his birthday" then it'll be respected or people may ask if there's anything they can do. I also liked the idea for the book party, although we did that for christmas one year and instead of too many toys, we were overrun with books.

I think I would personally talk with family and ask about money for a college fund rather than presents. I know for me, it is the joy of watching their reaction that counts more than any gift my kids have ever received. I would imagine it would be tough so close to Christmas, but I would discuss with family and friends, and in the end, let your guests decide. Savings bonds is another option, my parents get those for my kids every year. Good Luck

Hi K.,
I think that is a great idea. People will still buy toys but maybe you wont as many as you would have. Even bonds or gift cards because you might have different taste in clothes. I think college fund is perfect! Good luck and happy birthday to your little man.

My son's first birthday was yesterday, and we decided to open a bank account for him. We 'spread the word' so our family knew that's what we were doing, but we didn't directly ask anyone for money. He ended up getting a few toys and a lot of cash. Maybe you can do the same thing and just casually bring it up in conversation if you're not sure whether you can ask directly or not. And there's always a chance that you'll be asked what he'd like for his birthday.

You know what, it's 2008, not 1940; ettiquette has changed!! Like it or not, kids have too many toys and not enough college funds, so I say find a way to gently suggest it. Certainly I would first suggest 'being part of our celebration is gift enough' and leave it be. People will call you if they are bent on doing more and then it would be perfectly appropriate to give some more in-depth ideas. Personally, I think it is very thoughtful to think of not only your childs needs, but others' finances, as well. We celebrated our sons 1st bday yesterday (27th) without gifts or a big party...its just not necessary this young!!
~L.

I agree completely with you. we started asking our parents to go in on one big gift; playground set, bed, climbing structures....etc. My daughter is nine and we still think of one gift from everyone. Some still do a little something, but they were content with seeing her open the one gift and being in on the excitement. At age six we did a party at the library, in leiu of gifts asked everyone to donate a book to the library. It was lots of fun and my daughter loved giving, she is an avid reader so it made her feel like she was giving back.

College fund, savings bond, clothing, or storage bins for all the toys you all ready have - but please no more toys! We have done this. Most respected our wishes, but some still brought toys. Our kids have so many toys that we stopped throwing the HUGE family/friends parties and just do a simple fun-filled day of activities with them. Besides, your one year old won't remember anyway lol! Good Luck!

K.,

I think that is a fabulous idea! Mind if I steal it lol. My son turns 2 on February 21st. What a great idea, and I know that my family would not be offended in any way. They understand the importance of education and also recognize the overflow of toys in our home. I just put a bunch away right before Christmas and now need to do it again. My home is overrun!

Great thinking, I say go for it! Especially at 1 when they don't understand the opening of gifts as well.

I had the same problem for awhile too. My sons b-day is in March and we were being bombarded with toys. So I made a rule. Not sure if your family is big on clothes but this works great for us.

For X-mas we told people not to buy clothes for him...only because that time of year they are all winter clothes and he will just grow right out of them.

For birhday we allow clothes and some toys (what is a b-day without some toys)and try and encourage gifts like books and coloring type things. By now the stores have changed inventory and summer stuff is coming out and he gets new summer clothes that he will be able to wear fo more than a couple weeks.

This is just we do. Break it up as you would like. But it really does help to get certain things at certain times. Plus make it to your advantage, the less you will have to buy the better.

A.

I think asking for college donations is a great idea and not offensive at all. In fact, I think your family and friends would appreciate the suggestion. Just remember that some may still bring something else, so don't you be offended.
My parents started a 529 for our little girl this year. My brother is making it a tradition to donate every year for her birthday. We welcome the donation and plan on letting our friends and family know about it if they are interested in donating for birthday's or Christmas as well in leiu of toy gifts.

Hi K.!

You've received some great advice so far! I couldn't agree with you more about children getting an excess of toys. Every Christmas and birthday that rolls around I almost cringe at the thought of the kids getting more toys! I would just let your guests know that your little boy already has so many toys after Christmas he really doesn't need anymore. You could politely suggest books, educational videos or donations to his college fund. I think if you give them a few suggestions then it's not like you're telling them what to get. I agree with the mommy that said times have changed and our children have such an excess of toys that it gets ridiculous. I absolutely LOVE the idea of a book party! I think when my daughter's 4th birthday rolls around this June that's what we will do! :)

Have a great New Year!
H.

K., you could ask the family to start buying Savings bonds for him for his birthdays but friends are a different thing.

Maybe you could give them his size in summer clothes - they will be in all the stores by then. That way they can buy something for as little as 5 or 10.00 or as much as they want. You could suggest that they pick out something for the pool like a suit, towel, play toy for the pool (which is ok since it isn't anything he got for Christmas) flip flops, goggles, a safety vest or swimmies. Maybe you could have a cake decorated like a swimming party to add to the festivities.

Good Luck - this won't be easy this year but if you stick with it, by the time he is 5 yrs old, it will be a piece of cake!!

M. B.
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Some friends and family may realize that a donation to your sons college fund is very practical, but others are offended when anyone asks for money. I would suggest that if someone asks you for a gift idea, very gently bring up the college fund idea. If you get more toys as gifts, thank everyone and then quietly donate them to a womens shelter or respite center.

I think it's fine to ask for that instead. Lots of parents are trying to find ways to thin out all of their childrens' toys; I think you are wise to try and nip that in the bud. Besides, giving donations to his college fund is a great idea. It also helps that they will know in advance (since his birthday's in Feb.) so they most likely won't have bought a gift yet. It might also help to say that any monetary amount is acceptable and anonymous; that way people won't be ashamed if they can only give $5 as opposed to $40.

Your family should be totally understanding (especially if they have put their own child through school!). If he got that many extra toys this week, you could set aside a few of his toys from Christmas for him to open on his birthday.

Hi K., I am in the same situation. The only difference is my son will be 2 on feb. 15th. This year we didn't want to get him a bunch of toys as he already had some so for christmas we had my mom get him a toy box to put them all in so it saves some space from having them spread all over the place and we got him a step2 write desk that he can store all his drawing items in. but he did still end up with alot of toys so for his birthday this year we are getting him clothes that he'll need for summer and fall. If it's immediate family i don't think they would mind if you ask for the donation, as a college education is important and alot of people can't afford it so people donating to it would be great. unfort. i don't think other people may understand. you would think they would but they say it's bad ettique to ask for cash or donations like that. I mean either way people will pry still get him toys i'm sure or if they ask what he needs just tell them clothes if he does need them or will need them for next year. I hope this helps. Jen

We also requested no gifts for our son's first birthday and had a wonderful dinner party with everyone enjoying the food and watching our son eat his baby birthday cake. Those who insisted on gifts (grandparents) gave them at another time besides the party. We opened them with just the three of us the morning of his actual birthday. I think donations to a college fund would be a perfectly appropriate non-offensive alternative.

That sounds like a good idea to me. We have an account at upromise.com to save up for our kids. You can link your friends there and if they want to make a donation they can. You can also link your grocery card and credit card and vendors give you credit for buying their products.

At 1 the gifts are more for the people giving the gift than for the child. It is just fun to buy little kid toys. Just let people spoil him, it won't hurt him!

My son's birthday is also in February and I always feel buried under gifts after the holidays. My side celebrates Christmas and his dad's side celebrates Chanukkah so we receive presents through the entire month of December! I tried to do something similar for my son's first and second birthdays but it didn't work. I'm not sure if folks were offended or not, but they sure didn't pay any attention to me. I think adults just like to buy toys for babies!! If I had it to do over, I would ask for a gift cards to the same store and then combine them to purchase one big toy - tell everyone your goal and what toy their money will go to and I bet they will fall in line. Just don't expect many folks to get excited about contributing to a college fund - it is just too reasonable!

Miss Manners says that asking for gifts of any kind is rude. Since he is only going to be one you could just say no gifts. Maybe telling family that you would prefer deposits into his college fund would be ok but putting it on the invite is rude. What about a "Book Party". Lots of people are having Baby Showers where they ask for books instead of the normally blankets and outfits. You could make it be the theme. My oldest collected Blue Clues Books, My middle was Clifford and my youngest is Snoopy. On top of that we collect Dr Suess books. You can never have too many books. For my middle son's first birthday we decorated with Clifford and I set out a Clifford bank for decoration only and I found out that people actually deposited money into it during the party!

you could go through the toys, as if he has a ton of them, they might be some from when he was a baby? I had that problem. Also, closer to his birthday, really watch and see what he plays with, and maybe the ones he doesn't do anything with, you can take to a thrift store? If you are oposed to that, maybe, on the invites, suggest savings bonds. That is what we always got from my Grandparents when we were little. They kinda helped pay for my wedding :)

I would just tell them when you are inviting them or checking for rsvps "we have tons of toys from Christmas, and he loves them all but we would really like to give him something more lasting for his birthdays" and the suggest savings bonds, contributions to college funds, etc. But of course, some won't follow your suggestion, and just make sure you show plenty of gratitude for whatever they bring.

When I am maxed out on toys, I ask others to buy books or videos for my kids. Many classic children's books are even available in board books for toddlers. And a 1 yo enjoys the occasional Baby Einstein video, too.

You can ask, but don't expect anyone to listen. We've tried for years to tell people not to overload our children with gifts, but they want to give something they think the children will enjoy. Especially since this is your son's first birthday... Good Luck!

Both of our sons are grown, but the same issue has come up with the grandkids. Our son and daughter-in-law have graciously expresed to all who would nomally give a gift "no toys please." Books, educational items, clothes (sizes of items) and other gifts greatly appreciated. I love to go clothes shopping for my two youngest grandchildren. They have favorite TV characters, Dora the Explorer and Elmo. The delight in seeing their eyes light up when they receive a garment with their favorite TV character on is too precious.
Toys are over rated. The Educational Fund as a birthady gift will only be appreciated after they can understand the concept. Have fun with the birthdays and allow the givers to have fun in the process.
J. :-)

I think it is a great idea and personally would not be offended. I am however very practical. My mom started getting my kids bonds for their birthdays because of the very same reason. When each of them turned or turns 16 they can do whatever they want with them. Obviously with a little encouragement from mom. But we have bought first cars, international exchanges, college...and I loved it when my grandma did it for me. It has been a tradition in our family. What I started doing, is getting one larger gift that they want with everyone's name on it and bonds with the rest.

The kids have been invited to many parties through school this year that request no gifts, or a gift to be donated to something else, food for the food pantry, $ so the child can adopt an animal at the zoo. My thoughts are that a college education is $ better spent than another seldom played with toy.

Good luck to you!

I'm sorry, but it is ALWAYS in very poor taste to ask for donations of money, whether for a year-old child or for a wedding present. Just wrong. Tell the friends that the baby has plenty of toys and you just want to have a fun and rollicking good time for him, so just bring the gift of themselves to the party.
Dr. M.

I think that maybe a "college Fund" donation would be a little offending. Maybe ask for Spring/Summer clothes or gift certificates for clothes that your child will need in the future. Just my thoughts. . .

I think asking Grandparents and other relatives for say- a savings bond would be ok, but not so much for the friends. My mother will sometimes make a donation to Good fellows in lieu of one of the gifts, and this year my sister asked each of the kids if they would be willing to forgo one of their gifts so she could adopt a family for Christmas- at 7 & 8 years old, they all agreed.