No Awards - Restating the Question

When it comes to real life, no one is going to care what awards they were given in school. It will all boil down to those character traits that you already say they have. Success in life will be based on how hard they work, so award ceremonies really mean nothing.

Maybe they are not "leaders" you said that they are great at helping and being a good supporter. A leader is different, it is the person "leading" the charge. Maybe they just aren't leaders......nothing to be ashamed or disappointed about. Sounds like they are great kids and that you should be very proud of them!

Last year my oldest son graduated with a 97 average, 18 college credits, and an advance Regents diploma. But still he only in the top 20% of his class. He won a large Merit Scholarship to RIT, but there were 25 other kids who won FULL Academic Scholarships to larger and even more prestigous schools.

Still when he walked across that stage I sobbed and sobbed, largely because although I know he did his very BEST, he's also at peace with the fact that no matter how GREAT you are, there's ALWAYS someone with better NUMBERS! He is comfortable with who he is.

:)

**I guess I left out the most important part of the story! His name was NOT read on any of the 'Tops' lists. Even with those credentials. Furthermore he finished his 1st year at RIT with a 3.83, largely in 2nd year classes, and he was not in the top 20% there either!

You answered your own question... close but not in the top 20%. There's nothing wrong with being average or just above average.

"Nearly straight A's" isn't going to earn them academic recognition and being an overall good kid isn't going to make them strong leaders. The kids in the leadership circle are likely consistently earning A's and are seeking-out opportunities to demonstrate their leadership qualities.

Your children are going to be fine and successful within their own circle. Please don't "train" them to be leaders. Fact of the matter is... good leaders are in fact "born" and then "nurtured", they are not "trained". You can walk into a second grade classroom and within 20 minutes figure out who the class president would be in 10 years.

There's nothing wrong with being a spunky, intelligent and friendly worker. While your children should absolutely stretch themselves to get to where "they" want to be... they shouldn't feel pressured to be someone "you" want them to be if it doesn't feel right for them.

The "something extra" is likely an interest and desire to obtain a leadership position. If your children aren't driven in that sense, then let it go.

Not being of the mind set that "everyone is a winner", the only thing popping to my mind is what are your kids doing to EARN awards?

If they earn an award that's not given, I'd speak up on their behalf.

Just being a nice and well-liked child isn't enough (though it's what we all want for our children). And remember, not being a leader doesn't mean they won't have a success and happy life.

(:

(:

What difference does an award make if multiple people have confirmed that your kids are wonderful people, and you, yourself, know how great they are? A piece of paper or medal isn't going to make or break their futures. Not getting one doesn't diminish anything they've done. Tons of talented, extra special people don't get recognized for their efforts. They are still successful people.

By the qualities you have used to describe your children, it sounds like you're doing a great job training them to be leaders.

Don't worry about the awards ceremonies. After all, have you ever heard an amazing, exceptionally talented musician who never earned a Grammy? Or steller mother, who never earned "Mother of the Year"? Or tasted an incredible blueberry pie that didn't earn "Best Pie"?

If you are concerned about the awards, get yourself on the committee :). If you find it hard to get on the committee because you're not part of an "inner circle", that may be the reason you're daughters aren't winning the awards either. From my experienced, these kinds of things are subjective and political.

I'm not sure why it is you think that being in the leadership circle will ensure their future happiness. You don't need to be a leader to be happy- you only need to do what you truly love.

For some, that means being a doctor or nurse, for others, an artist or musician. If someone has a passion for cooking, they probably won't be as happy being a manager in some corporation as they would being a chef.

My DH became a nurse because he truly loves to help people. (He was inspired after going on a medical mission to Bosnia) Anyway,he was really good at advocating for his patients. He loved going to work every day and making a difference in people's lives. He was given the clinical leader position because he's passionate and a very good nurse. He then got a position as clinical manager, and then nursing director. Now that he's in management (or I guess you could say, a leadership position), while there are things he likes about his job- and he's very dedicated, he's not as happy as he was when he was working with patients. Being stuck in one meeting after another while he has tons of other things to do, is not quite as fulfilling to him as caring for someone who is seriously ill. BTW- he was never in a leadership circle in middle school- or even high school.

I'm a SAHM, and I couldn't imagine being happier doing something else. It's what I've always wanted to do. I went to college, then taught high school Spanish for 2 years, but I didn't enjoy it nearly as much.

I think the best thing we can do as moms is to encourage our children to keep learning about the things they are most interested in, while introducing them to new experiences so they have the opportunity to develop new passions. Who knows where that will lead :)

Well...what types of awards are given? Sounds like your kids are great people.

These awards are largely for parents ;)

YOUR reward will be amazing adults some day.

Don't ask us---ask the teachers and school administers.

Sometimes the best leaders are not recognized by the powers that be. My daughter is an amazing leader, I think she could have lead her school off a cliff and they would have happily followed her. Every year she was elected into student government including president her senior year. If it had been up to the powers that be she would never have held those positions.

In the end it is most important that your children lead, not that they are formally recognized for it.

Not everyone wants to be a leader, and I don't think there's much you can do as a parent to "nurture" that quality. I think leadership is more of a personality trait. Not everyone likes to be in charge or in the spotlight, and there's nothing wrong with that! Your girls sound terrific, I'm sure if they had the desire to lead they would go for it.
Think of it this way: the next time you watch a great movie, pay attention to ALL the aspects of what makes it great, the cinematography, the music, the costumes, the technical effects. We may idolize the stars on the big screen but it takes the intelligence and talents of ALL of those people who work on the film to make it truly great :)

Not that this answers your question, but halfway through reading your post I thought: Why not have an awards/celebration/ceremony yourself? Just for them.
Spend a few hours, or a day, with them. Have a little ceremony to let them know that you are proud of them. Let them know how many other people comment about them, and tell them what kinds of comments you are hearing. Design your own certificates and print them out. Make, or buy, an award saying whatever you want it to. Take them out to eat somewhere nice or fancy. Spend the day doing things for them. Hair, nails, etc. Or things they like; museums, parks, canoeing, hiking. The list could be endless, but I'm sure you get the idea.
Being a great mom, I bet you already do a bunch of this with them, but find a way to have a differrent/special day. Those things will be remembered by your girls much longer than an awards day at school.

It really sounds like your feelings are hurt because they are not recognized. What do they think about the whole thing? You are taking it way too personally. No one is attacking your parenting skills because they haven't won these specific awards. You know exactly how wonderful your children really are...

well, I didn't read the other responses & you've already responded....but here goes: I live in a small town. Lived here 20+ years. We participate in sports/school clubs/band/scouts/church.....& we're still considered outsiders.

Our little town is so cluttered with cliques of old family names that there's very little forward movement. It's astounding how absolutely backwards it can be.....in 2011 !!

Our son has applied for StuCo for H.S. I know there is very little hope in his achieving this....simply because we are not a town name. I have kept my lip zipped on this subject with him....& will deal with the fallout in August when he sees the final roster. I am very proud that he applied & that's all I need to say!

DO NOT feel this is your issue or your problem. All of the feedback you've mentioned is positive.....rejoice in your children!

Your kids ARE good enough. They're just not in the 20%. It must take A LOT to be in that 20%. I know when I was in school it took a lot in school, out of school, in extra-curricular activities, in sports, and in academics and volunteering.

My daughters and I are active with town charities, our church, our schools, and Girl Scouts. I advocate on behalf of other children with Autism Spectrum Disorder as well as my own daughter and having been recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia I'm beginning to learn to advocate for that as well. While my daughters enjoy getting awards at school and are disappointed if they don't get them, we know that they don't need the awards to know that they're doing good in the community.

Yes, they feel slighted especially if they worked hard to earn an award/ribbon/prize but those rewards are not a real reflection of their worth as a person.

I think you are just looking for kudos for being a good mom. you already acknowledge that your girls are high acheivers and list all their great qualities. How sad that you still appear to not be happy and satisfied with that. I really hope you aren't saying anything to the girls about not getting awards and "they are close but not good enough to make the cut". I think you need to look at yourself and figure out your issues as it seems its you that has them.

I have a similar issue with my daughter. So many people tell me what an amazing child I have - how friendly, outgoing, amazing mentor and helper, and strong willed child I have. She's only 5 y/o. Her Kindergarten class had 6 Citizen of the Month awards... there were only 9 kids in her class. She did not get one. The teacher's reasoning is that she pouts often about not getting her way and makes angry eyes at him. SHE IS 5 YEARS OLD!! She is the youngest of her class and according to the Teacher - surpasses them academically and is a great mentor to those who don't understand the curriculum.