My 13 month old son spends two days a week with my mother in law, and two days a week with my mother during the day while i work. Recently, whenever i go to pick him up in the evening, he doesnt have any reaction to my arrival. The last time i picked him up, he was in her arms when i arrived, and not only was he uninterested in my arrival, he cried when i took him out of her arms. Is this normal? I try to spend as much time with him as possible when I'm not working, but im starting to worry that he no longer prefers me, or sees me as his mother.
i know that he doesnt nap well when he is at her house, could this be due to him being tired? At home he is somewhat clingy, and gets upset if i leave the room, which makes this seem all the more surprising when i arrive and there is no reaction.
Thanks everyone, reading some of your answers made me feel better, but this continues to be a problem for me. I'm gone in the morning before my son wakes up, and my husband told me that lately he wants nothing to do with either grandma when they arrive, which makes me feel a little better. But then when i pick him up from my mother in laws house he cries and reaches for her, and its still crushing. Makes me feel like a failure, and that he loves her more than me even though he only spends two days a week with her. Its heartbreaking.
Him feeling comfortable and loved by her does not mean he is rejecting you, don't take is so personal, be glad he feels comfortable with his care giver.
This is normal. Babies and young children have trouble with transition. He's used to her and the "upheaval" of having to go home is what bothers him.
Babies also don't know how to spare your feelings when it comes to their own feelings. They live in the absolute "now" and can't think through the rest.
As far as him being clingy at home, that's because he has finally realized that he is with Mommy and realizes that he missed you. So it's not surprising AT ALL that he is clingy. Once you put two and two together the right way, it all makes sense.
Dawn
This is very normal. It's not an indication that he prefers your mil. It just means that he's comfortable where he is and doesn't want to move out of that place. It's actually a good thing because it indicates that he's comfortable with your mil and is getting good care.
I've had grandchildren cry to stay with me and not want to go home and then in a week the same one cry when he was going to left with me so it's just a phase and the longer they are with the grandparent they often want to stay. They are happy and loved and it's a change but when they get home it's 'home' and 'mommy and daddy' again and grandma crying at home alone. :-)
They know you are Mama if you are away 7 days a week. This is very normal behavior for a baby his age.
That's painful. Try not to let it hurt you. Be matter-of-fact about it. It'll pass. It probably won't last very long. He does love you most!!! Good luck!
Yes, it's very normal. When my oldest was a baby, I remember having to be away several evenings in a row. He cried when I was leaving (stopping, of course, as soon as I was out of sight), but after several days, he cried instead when he didn't have his sitter!
This is the stage when security is important to a baby, and even a change of person is enough to be upsetting for a while. Handle it with friendliness - "You get to see Grandma again on Thursday! Right now you get ME!" - and know that it will pass.
He's normal, you're normal. Kids at that age have trouble with transitions. He's also likely to be tired at the end of the day anyway, especially when he doesn't nap. He may not nap well because it's not his regular bed and it's not his regular routine. So that may mean he is a little crankier when you get him home - it doesn't mean he doesn't love you and need you. Look at it this way: he loves his grandmother and doesn't cry when you leave him there. That makes it so much easier for you to go to work and not worry. The more he can bond with others and know that lots of people in his life love him, the better off he will be long term.
If he's clingy at home, then he definitely loves you and needs you! He DOES know that you are is mother, and over time you will feel more confident about this. He also doesn't have any ability to verbalize what's going on in his head. But you are doing what you should - spending time with him and playing. Don't feel guilty if you have to wash a dish or run a vacuum or take a shower - you're allowed to do stuff for yourself without feeling that you are neglecting your child!
And store away this feeling of being rejected because it will be a huge help when he is a teenager and doesn't want to be seen with you!
Hang in there.
He's bonding to the person he feels he can trust. So that's a good thing, just a sad thing that you are not it right now.
Keep in mind that grandma's spoil and lett kids get away with anything. She doesn't have to "parent" - so just stay strong and know that he loves you, even if he isnt expressing it so clearly right now.
Grandmas do whatever they want, including holding babies and never letting their feet hit the ground! :) I'm sure your little guy is spoiled by now. I'm sure he never cries for more than a second without a grandma rushing to take care of him. Any baby would love that.
Years ago I taught preschool at a daycare center. Some of my kids were there from6:30 until 5 or 6 at night. I had parents tell me all the time that all their kids talked about was me. That they would say that they miss me, they love me, etc. some moms were very upset by that. The fact is the kids talked about their moms and dads all day to me. Bottom line, NO One can replace mommy and daddy. At the end of the day you are the best thing in the world, in your child's eyes.
