Okay, here comes another trivial question, but one concerning me nonetheless. This is a question about my brother. He's the youngest in the family and has had to put up with all of us teasing him through the years and has a bit of a chip on his shoulder. He's had to overcome dyslexia when he was a child and subsequently reading and writing were a struggle throughout his years. He's now an adult with two great kids and a lovely wife. He's a great guy who would give anyone the shirt off his back.
So since he's a grown up - and I guess that would make me a grown up too - why does it bother me so much when he spells incorrectly? We are 'friends' on facebook and just about every post he makes has something spelled wrong. And I'm trying to convey my feelings when I see the posts. It's not that I'm looking down on him. Not at all. I have this wave of wanting to shield him from others who might look poorly on him for doing so. Almost like a mother hen. I'm sure if you asked him, he would see it as nitpicking.
Just the other day, I noticed that he listed his high school and it was spelled incorrectly. I sent him a private message that gently suggested the correct spelling and he sent back that he really didn't care. .... So why do I care if he doesn't?
My question is, would you just shrug it off? I guess I should, but I want so much for him to , I dunno, look good? I can't put it into words. I just don't want him to be teased any more, you know? What would you do?
I would leave it alone. Some people are not good spellers, but that doesn't mean they can't communicate, which is the whole point of writing.
He has dyslexia, he can't spell, he's an adult, and it's not important to him. I'm assuming it's not important in his work - or if it is, that's where he concentrates his energy for written communication. Stop correcting him - it's embarrassing. You're being a big sister, I get that, but he's a grown up so you need to tone that down. Be there for him for the big stuff, and let the trivial stuff go.
I can only imagine how it makes him feel to know you are perfect and he isn't. It would make me want to never post again.
My sister probably had dyslexia in school but in those olden days they didn't have anything like they do now for kids who struggle. She can't even spell was or other simple words sometimes without calling me and asking for help. She can't look words up using spell check due to them not showing the right words. She can count on me to tell her how and not rub it in that I have near perfect spelling and grammar usage. Well, when I really have to use it I can be near perfect. It was one of those subjects that just clicked with me. It didn't with her.
I have a friend and I can't read her blogs, I really/literally can't. I can't make heads or tails out of the words on the page because they don't make sentences to me, the appear to be random misspelled words. I have to struggle and try to decipher their meaning by taking the context of the paragraph and just guessing. I would never tell her, hey, people are going to laugh at you because you make no sense. She knows she can't spell or produce readable prose. She is happy with it herself and if I don't like it I can stop reading about her life and times.
It can be hard to not nitpick but you have to curb it. It's not something he feels confident about and your nitpicking can only make him feel worse about himself.
I think you are totally right in principle, and your heart is in the right place wanting to help your brother. I agree with the poster who said that mis-spelled words and poor grammar make a person appear uneducated and sloppy. You don't say your brother's age but these days many people in their 20s and under cannot even write in full sentences or use real words since they grew up texting. At least your brother has a legitimate underlying issue!
That said, even though you have good intentions I don' t think that there's anything you can do that will change the situation for the better, and he's already made his position clear that he doesn't care (whether it's due to frustration or simply truly not caring, in the end he doesn't care).
So I suggest you do your best to let it go.
Good luck! You sound like a great sister!
If it doesn't bother him, then stop pointing it out and let it go. He's been dealing with his learning disability for many years and has accepted himself just the way he is and it's time that you do the same!
The nice thing about FB is that it's an informal, casual style of communication. There is no "spell check" or "grammar check" b/c it's irrelevant. Those who are reading his Wall are probably either aware of his learning disability or are used to his spelling errors.
You are nitpicking him and it's not necessary. Depending on his line of work, his ability to spell may be entirely irrelevant and if he has a great assistant he's not doing any of his own "writing" anyway. That's where it counts, not on FB.
My sister did this type of stuff with my brother for pretty much the same reasons. She wanted people to think well of him. All it did was cause animosity between them. They had a terrible relationship because my brother didn't want to be "fixed" and wasn't worried about what others thought of him. When my sister finally accepted this and him for who he was, they were able to develop a good relationship. There are still things my brother does that makes my sister crazy but she has learned to just let it go. She had to accept that he is now a grown up and is responsible for his own life and what he does doesn't reflect on her.
Hi,
I feel similar to the way you do---with that said, he is an adult and for you to point anything like that out, is inappropriate. If people tease him or say anything, he can take care of himself-I know you mean well and you don't want him to be hurt, but you are enabling him by not giving him the space and respect to let him handle it. Let it go....If he wants you to help him with his spelling issues, I am sure that he will ask. GL!
M
leave it ALONE.
I can't spell never have been able to. It's a sore spot with me I don't like not being able to spell I just have NEVER been a good speller. I was that kid that no matter how many times I wrote my spelling words , I never made 100 on my spelling test. I am a math person.
For someone to point it out is like saying to a person that is missing a leg . " hey your missing a leg" . Or to a person in a wheel chair " hey you can't walk"
The best thing for you to do is either ignore it or just DON'T POINT IT OUT.
He's not a child anymore. If you MUST correct it , use the misspelled word in your responce to his posts.
I think it's a pride thing...
I think some people always want to put their best foot forward, while others "don't care".
I feel like you do. For the most part, I think that anything beyond a simply typo seems lazy or uneducated. (Esp when people do it on "posts" or formal types of communications like Christmas cards, resumes, invitations, etc.)
Yes, I think you're right. But I also don't think you should be correcting him. Obviously he doesn't care, so you should let it go.
He is an adult now. So if he "doesn't care" how he presents himself to others than neither should you. (Yes, I understand it makes you wince, but move on.)
I have the urge to correct all misspellings. I cannot stand them. So, I understand your dilema, especially considering your reasons.
I also find it very amusing that so many of these responses contain misspellings.
Anyway, I agree with most....let this go. I know it bothers you, but like you said, it doesn't bother him, so move on. It may get to the point that he blocks you on facebook due to your "nitpicking", or worse, blocks you in real life. He has been through enough. Let this stuff go....
=)
You said your brother has dyslexia, which means he will always be misspelling words. Just let him be! He is aware of it and it doesn't bother him.
We have a good friend who spells our names all the time. I am fine with it as I know that spelling is not his thing.
you should not have even sent him the PM. I am a stickler for spelling also but i have learned that some people are just not good speller,some people don't have good handwriting, but that's not my problem. nor is it your place to ride his back about it. if he has a job and is supporting himself and his family then apparently he knows what hes doing. FB is not a formal forum. it sounds to me that you are more worried about what people will think of YOU if they notice hes not a good speller, and that's not fair to him. I;m quite sure he glad that people think he;s a good person then whether or not he can spell his high school name right. give him break!
I actually had a "friend" on FB who wasn't really a "friend". He is a massage therapist and was referred to me as a biz owner by someone else. Anyhoo...this guy commented on almost all my friends posts (they were replying to my post) and he would basically correct their gammar or spelling and it got to the point that it was really annoying ME and I thought it was embarrassing and reflected poorly on HIM. So I deleted him. Most people type quickly, don't take the time to proof read and even if they do, don't usually correct anything anyway. Since you know english/spelling/grammar is not his strong suit, why don't you just let it go. It really isn't your place and if anyone on HIS fb friend list that is bothered by it can delete him so they don't have to see it! Good luck!
My cousin is the worst speller that I have ever met, and his sister is an English teacher. LOL
But, he is successful businessman running his own Contracting business, is well thought of in community and a leader in his church. He is eloquent, but still can not spell. So, he has Administrative Assistants who can clean up his spelling errors, or my Aunt. When we were in High School I would help him with it.
He knows he can't spell, he knows occasionally when writing that his grammar is way off the mark. He really has tried to improve - hence an increased vocabulary, but he just can't keep the letters from jumbling on paper. At 40 something it has not negatively impacted his success so no one worries about it anymore. It has become something of a funny family story.
If your brother is comfortable in his own skin, so to speak, just let it go. It is not a big enough issue to cause a rift over.
God Bless
Everybody has pet peeves. I know your just trying to protect him. I just remind myself that everyone is different and I have flaws also. Really, he shouldn't care what other people think. Everyone has their opinions and unless you have walked in someone elses shoes, passing judgement isn't right. I can't stand it when people judge you before they even get to know you. If someone has a problem with him, they are the ones with the problem not him.
of course you let it go. my husband is an adult with add and dyslexia -so i understand about wanting to protect him. but you know first hand how hard it is for him. don't you think he'd be a little sensitive to correction? you're not helping. let him do it his way and leave him alone about it. he has a wife, if he wants to know how to spell something, he can ask her as he is writing it. he's not stupid - he just can't spell great. if he cared he'd figure out a way to spell it right.
While I see what you're saying because I am also a grammar hawk, I think you should get off his back. It sounds like he truly doesn't care about his spelling. And since he is otherwise such a great guy, don't risk hurting your relationship because of something so superficial. Sounds like you might end up doing more harm than good to try to correct his spelling. We all have faults; I am so grateful that my family is subjected to mine, yet they love me anyway.
If he doesn't care it's not worth making him mad. It'll begin to drive a wedge between you two and that's not good. I suppose if just feels he's worked to get through school and he's doing okay and the rest doesn't matter.
I do understand how you feel. I have to place a lot of ads in my business. When I see my competitors ads are full of common abbreviations to save them time, spelling errors, odd styles or phrases, and obvious spelling errors that I think makes them look bad, it's hard not to wonder what kind of person is behind those ads and how many people will even take the time to check them out. But that's not what he's using facebook for right? If he's not using it to drum up business of some kind, then don't worry about it.
Since your brother is an adult, I imagine he's aware of his spelling. I really think your job is to treat him like the adult he is and honor him no matter how he spells and misspells.
You don't have to take his "I don't care" seriously. It's often what people say when they feel they can't do any better. But your job is to be his sister, not his teacher. When he decides he wants a teacher he'll look for one himself.
Don't worry about what other people will say when they see his FB posts. They will also see YOUR posts on his page, which will be filled with so much respect and good humor that they'll think, "This must be quite a guy."
For what it's worth, one of my boys is not a shining star when it comes to writing and spelling. I've learned to let it go (since he, too, is an adult). But when he has major writing to do, he tends to ask me to be his editor!
Since it's only Facebook and since he has a legitimate reason for misspellings with the dyslexia, I would leave it alone for now. If he were applying for a job and you were helping him with a resume, cover letter and job application then you would be doing him a huge favor by pointing out poor spelling and grammar.
I understand where you're coming from. Poor grammar and spelling in adults looks like they're uneducated and they don't care about how they're communicating. When the only form of communication is in writing people should be making MORE effort to make sure that what they're writing is legible and understandable, and they should care how it's coming across.
But for some people it's not that they don't care. It's that it's great effort that's nearly impossible to overcome, or English isn't their first language, or no one bothered to correct them to educate them while growing up. It drives me crazy when it's a matter of someone not making the effort and not caring, but with your brother I'd leave it alone. I have a feeling it's a very painful thing for him.
