You and me both, mama.
I've reverted to toddler tactics. It's working GREAT. But just like when he was a toddler, it's taken a few months. What's pretty nice (double edged sword), however, is now that he's older he's got stepped up consequences.
Toddler Tactics:
You whine; you don't get what you want. (and this now includes snarky, disrespectful, pick an inappropriate tone of voice, any inappropriate tone of voice).
You throw a fit; you don't get what you want AND you go on timeout. ((In order to come off of timeout you have to say 'what happened, why it happened, and at least 2 options of what to do next time that DON'T include throwing a fit))
Snarkiness is just disallowed, and has swift and immediate justice.
Good tones of voice/ behavior get random rewards (because random rewarding is more effective than consistent rewarding).
Stepped Up Consequences:
- First round or two = timeout. Anywhere between 5 minutes and a half an hour.
- Second round = partial grounding (1-3 hours)
- Third round = grounding for "the rest of the day"
- Fourth round = some major schedule changes (like losing electronics for the week)
The double edged sword bit is that I've had to cancel some FUN plans because kiddo has decided to push boundaries on a day where we had plans. Man! Kiddo! Couldn't you have picked another day for it??? ((Although, quite frankly, I think it was a test. He KNEW I was looking forward to our plans that day and was loathe to cancel them.))
It's taken a few months TWICE this year (in the fall for a few months, and then half of June & July)... (pantomiming wiping sweat from brow). We're down to a warning look or a "Try again?" bringing an abrupt halt to 95% of inappropriate tones of voice and behavior.
Something that ALSO has helped is stepping up his RESPONSIBILITY. The whole "I'm going to trust you with ________." or "I think you're old enough to TRY doing __________."