Night Wakings!!!

Don't let anyone convince you that the only way is CIO, sorry ladies, but that is the selfish way, not the only way! Try to find other ways to comfort him than picking him up. He may be teething, having a bad dream, or just simply lonely. You provide him comfort, that is why he goes back to sleep! What is wrong with that? Just try putting your hand on his chest, or rub his back as opposed to picking him up if you can. Just a bit easier on you. They are just going through so many changes at this age they wake up! Who knows what it could be, but he will only be an infant once. He may also be going through a growth spurt. Do what your heart tells you to do. Who wants to cry themselves to sleep?? In my opinion that is horrible for all parties involved. It hurts you because it is not a mothers instinct not to go to her child. So sick of this CIO thing! Sorry if you are a CIO mom reading this, just my STRONG opinion. I have never met a happier toddler than mine so I will keep doing what feels right. Good luck to you mama, just remember, he won't be a baby forever. Hang in there and nap when he naps if you can. God Bless. : ) Oh and NO you are not selfish by any stretch. You need good sleep when you sleep. I can't have my dd in my bed either, I wake up all night. I have only done it a couple nights when we were desparate for sleep and did not get any anyways. LOL

My daughter was a horrible sleeper until she was 14 months old. I would have to feed her at least 3 times every night. However, she grew out of her bad sleep habits and now she is two years old and a great sleeper. I don't believe in making an infant or toddler "cry it out." Though they may know how to manipulate you at that age, they don't understand why you are not comforting and protecting them and it is so important at that age to trust that their parents are able and willing to take care of them. I recommend just rolling with it--your son will eventually become a better sleeper. Good luck!

My son is 18 almost 19 months old and still not sleeping through the night. I have done the CIO method... non-CIO method... etc. NONE of them have worked for him. A child cries out when they need something... and we as parents signed up for ALL of this when we chose to have kids. They don't operate on our schedules... just roll with it and try to get some sleep in when you can.

D.,

My 14 month old son has been waking once a night for feedings and a diaper change ever since he was about 2 months old. Before that, he was up every 2 hours and there was a time I recall around 4 months when he would sleep through the night..that only went on for a month or so, but from 4months to 14 months (present time) he does wake once and I do get up and immediately pick him up, change his diaper and give him his bottle. About 20 minutes later, he feels secure, comfy and happy and goes right back to sleep for another 4-6 hours until morning. I would never let him 'cry it out' because I think that's mean. When he's ready to sleep through the night, I will be happy but I did choose to have a baby and this is what babies do. Nothing is wrong with giving him food, love and attention once a night if he needs it. As to his sleeping alone in his room..he STILL sleeps in his cosleeper next to me in my room even though he has a crib. Next week we will be transitioning him to his room but I think that will actually be harder having to walk to his room in the night when he does wake up, rather than have him right next to me..but I intend to still get up and take care of him because it will make him feel more secure as he adjusts to his new sleeping arrangement. Just gauge your own sleep and perhaps get to bed a little earlier knowing you will have to wake once and lose some sleep during the night. When this time eventually passes, and it will, at least you know you did your best.

Your baby is definitely old enough to be sleeping through the night. If you want to sleep alone you have to let him learn how to self soothe. Does he have a binkie or a lovie or anything to help him soothe himself to sleep? Have you EVER let him cry for an extended period of time? I would maybe get a book that has a plan you can follow like Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child or something like that. But in reality, the only way to teach him is to let him cry. I mean, it is hard (I know, I did it at 4 months with mine) but trust me as a parent this is only one of MANY hard things you'll have to do for your child's greater good. I mean, when he's 2, 3, 4 and is still insisting on sleeping with you do you think you will have done him a favor by not letting him cry at this point? For all you know, it could take a week or less and you could have a good sleeper, right? Wouldn't that be worth a few rough nights?
Personally when I did it, I started by letting him cry for just 10 min (that was all I could take). Then I went in there and reassured him I was there. I would pat him, tell him it was ok, but I never EVER EVER took him out of his crib. He needs to learn that it is night time and that is where he stays all night. He absolutely doesn't need to be eating at night at 8 months. Then after 10 min I would wait 15 min. Then 20 min, etc. etc. My little one rarely made it past a few times of doing that before he fell asleep. The next night I didn't go in for 15 min. Eventually with my little guy I realized that me going in there was making it worse so I just let him cry. He's never had to cry longer than 30 min but he was a lot younger and your little one is more "trained" that you will come get him so it might be a little harder.

There are lots of different ways to sleep train, you could read a million books on it and get a million responses here about it but I think the important thing is to choose something and BE CONSISTENT. Other than being sick, and occasionally when we travel and the schedule is really messed up, my 21 month old does not ever leave his bed at night. He's been sleeping 11-13 hours a night since he was six months. And although he may have done it on his own I think that the combo of his blankie, his binkie and teaching him to self soothe by letting him learn the hard way is what made this possible (the binkie is gone now and he's still a champ sleeper).

Even if its hard think of it as doing something difficult in the short term for something much better in the long term. Sorry this is so long but I have SO many friends who are JUST trying to do this with their 1 1/2 and 2 year olds and even a friend who is now trying to do it with a 3 year old that I can't help but think if someone would have just helped them to do it when their toddler was younger they wouldn't be going through the hassle at this point and trust me it is about 10,000 times harder with a strong willed and LOUD toddler who can be very manipulative (mine can actually THROW up when upset at will, thank goodness sleeping is not something he gets upset about!)

GOOD LUCK!

Hey D.,
May I suggest you get the book Babywise? The basic premise is that if you put your child on a consistent (2 1/2-3 hr.) feeding/play/nap schedule you will not have to feed them at night (typically after 12 weeks). Try feeding him again before he goes to bed. Put him to bed in his crib. If he wakes up and cries listen to his cry. If it sounds like he is in pain (such as teething or upset stomach), wet, or hungry take care of his need. If not, allow him to cry. He will eventually fall back to sleep. His waking up at that time of night is not good for him. Children need their sleep as much as adults and if you keep picking him up he will keep waking up. The body has to be sleep trained.
If he is crying longer than a half hour go to his room and tell him you are there. Tell him to lay down and go to sleep and that you will continue to stay there. Don't touch him or pick him up. You may have to do this for a few nights, or possibly even a week, but once his body gets into a rhythm he'll be sleeping through the night.
Again, I suggest the book Babywise. It has very practical advice on sleep training a child and it will make everyone's life easier.

I ditto Jennifer.

I have 2 kids... both had different personalities and sleep patterns. What worked for my daughter would not have worked for my son, and visa versa. SO, as a Mom, I rolled with the punches (that is what a baby does- wake), and provided them with what they needed.

There is NO "rule" that a baby HAS TO sleep all night, by themselves, at this age.
MANY MANY kids, developmentally, do NOT sleep all night by themselves, until about 2 years old. Its normal.

There are 2 perspectives on this:
1) get a baby to sleep ALL night, by forcing it. Thus, letting them cry it out etc.
2) rolling with the punches and providing the baby with what they need, understanding that a baby DOES wake during the night... AND they go through all sorts of developmental changes ALL throughout childhood. This also means, understanding that their sleep patterns changes too, with each age set they become.

Now, per my Pediatrician, a baby needs to be fed ON demand for the first year of life. Breastmilk/Formula is their PRIMARY source of nutrition... NOT solids and NOT other liquids. They are growing very rapidly the first year, and developmentally, they NEED increased intake, to sustain their growth and nutritional requirements and caloric needs. If they do not get it, they cannot sleep.

It is NOT "creating a bad habit" if you go to him and comfort him. Your baby is simply changing. Its normal. At this age, they are teething, sitting up, rolling over, pulling-up, standing maybe... and these gross motor developments, tweak their sleep ability. It is a natural thing. AND yes, they do it in their sleep too. Its instinctive. You cannot just tell them don't do it. They are a baby.

If you don't want to cry it out, then don't. That is not the cure all for all babies. Not all babies are the same.

ALSO, at this age, per my Pediatrician, they are going through "separation anxiety." And YES, even when they are supposed to be sleeping. They look for you. They get lonely.
They are a baby.

ALL OF THESE THINGS, puts a kink into their usual sleep patterns. Even their REM sleep "ability" is changing.

I personally would not lock my baby in a room and let them cry it out.

I recommend the book: "What To Expect The First Year." You can find it at any bookstore or online like at Amazon.

Your baby is normal.
ALSO, make sure he is napping regularly. An "over-tired" baby or child, actually will NOT sleep well at night and will wake more. AND, make sure you are feeding on demand, 24/7, and at night, and ESPECIALLY when going through a growth-spurt. (9 months is a growth-spurt time and developmental time of changes).

Don't worry.
Mostly, the "expectations" a parents has about their baby HAVING TO sleep all night... is what causes frustration. Versus, going according to a baby's needs and normal developmental needs and changes. Expecting "more" than what a baby or child can do, will always lead to stress/frustration for the Parent. So expectations upon a baby/child, has to be "age-appropriate."

All the best,
Susan

Daniell, don't call it the crying out method, although I do agree with your family. At 8 months old he should be sleeping through the night, and picking him up is allowing fist of all his crying to control you, and he is counting on your heart being broken, they can and do manipulate at that age. You are the mom so of course how you deal with it it's up to you, but i can tell you as a mom for 25 years, I had my 3 sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, and can honestly say we had never had any sleep issues with our baby's. J. L.

I know it's difficult, but the sacrifices you will make in the short term will help your child sleep better in the long long. I am currently sleep training and it's amazing how quickly it comes together if you are firm, compassionate and on the same page with your spouse. There are many methods out there that are not as harsh as locking the door. Some are very gentle and gradual while others are more strict. No matter what, it will get more difficult for you and baby the longer you wait. Best of luck!

Hi! I know your sister is well-meaning but I feel the same as you. As a mother and teacher (all ages) I have learned that children need lots and lots of comforting.

You could start with setting up a space that is all his during the day so that he can begin understanding the concept of individual space. Make your own space too. at night try lying down with him then getting up to get something while leaving him in bed. Tell him you will be right back and over time make those times longer. It is key that you do come back because if not ther's no reason to trust you. Give him time so that he does not feel forced or he will not go.

I wonder if he had a bad dream or something happened that scared him. It's hard to know at this age. With this in mind it would be torture to let him cry it out. Something that worked for my daughter and advice I gave another mommy was to give your kid a stuffed animal with super powers. My daughter's had the power to keep all things scary away. It also had an infinite amount of hugs and kisses so that she would always have one when she needed one.

Go with your mommy instincts above all else. Good luck.