Night Terrors (?) in a 4 1/2 Year Old

just so you know there is also something called Confusional Arousals. They are related to night terrors - do a little research to find out what best describes your situation.

My daughter grew out of confusional arousals at age 5 1/2 and seemed to suffer from them when she was overtired or running a fever. She was truly asleep throughout the whole ordeal and I didn't try to wake her up - that seemed to make things worse. I would coax her back down on her pillow by patting it and soflty telling her to lay back down and "go back to sleep". Sometimes I would have to repeat this 4 or 5 times before she would settle down.
By about the time she began to outgrow them, I could anticipate them on nights where we were very active that day and she was tired or after a couple nights of going to bed after her bedtime.
Now she just talks in her sleep every night and sometimes sits up and crawls around on her bed. I wouldn't be surprised if someday she starts sleepwalking. Her dad used to sleepwalk as a kid.

My daughter started having night terrors at 2.5 and at almost 5, still has them occasionally and yes, they are exactly like you describe. Unfortunately, there is very little you can do for true night terrors, except make sure she doesn't accidentally hurt herself. As far as bothering the neighbors, well that's tricky. I wouldn't say anything unless they approach you because she is acting subconsciously and can't control it, at which point you would have to explain what night terrors are. People who have never seen them have a hard time understanding that the child is not just being manipulative and are truly asleep. (Maybe say she is having terrible nightmares and is screaming in her sleep?) Good luck. They are NOT fun.

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My son has night terrors too. If they are going to happen, they always happen during the first few hours of sleep. Usually I can expect them when he's feeling too much stress. For example, first day of school, change in the routine, over tired, scary show on tv, or even when he's learning something new and hasn't gotten it all figured out yet. A friend of ours let us borrow a book that had different types of sleep disturbances. It talked about night terrors. It said that they aren't harmful in any way to the person experiencing them. The person experiencing them doesn't remember them at all. It said, that they are in an alternate reality that is so vivid that they truly believe they are experiencing what they see. It said not to shake the person or try to wake them up because they usually are already experiencing something scary and being shaken or trying to be aroused confuses them and makes them more afraid. It said you don't have to do anything for them because it will pass on it's own, but if you do want to do something for them the best thing you can do is hug them and whisper to them that you love them until it passes. Since we've been doing this (hugging and soothing him) his night terrors don't last as long or seem as scary for him. The book also said that night terrors are more scary for those not experiencing them, so don't feel bad if they are experiencing them, it is not a reflection of you or your parenting, it is just another way the person figures things out.

More than likely she is having night terrors, but one thing you said struck me as odd. The time she ran into your room with her panties down and her pajamas pulled up. I'm not suggesting this is absolutely it, but children that are sexually abused will sometimes do odd things like this. Is she in daycare or around anyone other than you and your boyfriend? Please don't think I'm being an alarmist about this, but you may just want to really pay attention to these types of behaviors, particularly since she also said she 'wasn't kicking at you', but something else. I'm not an expert at all, I just know someone whose child went through this type of thing. You are being wonderful toward her, I hope your boyfriend begins to realize you can be a good influence and allow you to discipline and help.

Research 'night terrors' online. and also night-mares.
They are different.

And yes, it may really have something to do with her Mom leaving... that can be traumatic for a child, they don't 'understand' things, emotionally, because they are SO young... nor can they even articulate how they are feeling succinctly.... and kids do experience 'stress' and 'anxiety' too... with life changes in their home/family....
Sometimes, when a child undergoes 'stress' or an emotional upheaval... they 'regress' or have symptoms of difficulty.... for example: when I had my 2nd child, my daughter who was about 4 at the time, started having pee accidents... and 'stress.' So we comforted her and did not force anything on her... she was adjusting, as a young child does, to 'changes' in her life... and a new baby in the home.

I would not 'scold' her.... because she obviously is not lucid nor 'aware' of what she is doing... it is unconscious and she does not have 'control' over it. So, thus, scolding her will not work.

Next: has her Mom leaving, ever been addressed, with her? Or just ignored and not addressed? She maybe, needs to understand that it is not her 'fault' that her Mom left... young children have imaginations and emotions which they cannot control... and sometimes they 'blame' themselves.... or they get all pent up inside... because they CANNOT "cope" with what they are feeling...

all the best,
Susan

My daughter also started having night terrors around the same age and trust me I didn't go anywhere! So it wasn't that. The pediatrician told us it was a hiccup in brain development as new sections of the brain were learning to handle more abstract constructs. (If I remember that correctly.) She advised washing her hands.

If she is up and willing to follow some directions ie you said you can get her to sit on the potty - wash her hands in cool water. With my daughter it usually helped. It was not a miracle cure but it seemed to lessen he severity quite a bit and shortened the duration.

She mostly grew out of it as she turned 4 ish, but this child still gets very out of her head if she is woken or is feverish.

Hand washing seems to simple, but it really did help.

Sounds like night terrors to me. It is actually something that is fairly common. Both my husband and son have both had them. They are pretty freaky...but they are NOT usually in pain (although it may sound like it) and they do NOT usually remember anything about it. It is just frightening for family members.

It is not necessarily related to her mom or you or her father. My husband and our son both grew up/are growing up in stable, two parent homes with no major emotional issues. Usually it IS related to sleep deprivation. Check out http://www.emedicinehealth.com/night_terrors/article_em.htm
and talk to the girl's doctor. It is probably just normal and she will grow out of it.