Newly 2 Won't Nap

Updated on February 22, 2009
M.L. asks from Osseo, MN
7 answers

My daughter turned two last month and since about Christmas we have been having issues getting her to nap. For over a week now she has not napped at all except for in the car once. When she doesn't nap she is extremely cranky for the most part. This is so frustrating for me for two reasons. One is I work full time and when I finally get to see her I only get about a half hour of her being happy and then it's cranky mode until bed time of which she also now cry's when I put her down for the night which she hasn't done forever. Second is I feel so helpless not being able to make her happy, content or to get her to stop crying. She asks for crayons so I give her crayons and she cry's, etc. Nothing is right or makes it better. Since she is no longer napping should I be trying to put her down earlier despite her efforts to stay up later and later with no nap. She has never been a big sleeper but I doubt she gets nine hours of sleep a night and that can't be enough for a little two year old. Anyone else gone through this? What worked? Please help!

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M.W.

answers from St. Cloud on

Our daughter went through the same thing... I was no longer working by the time she got to that age though so what FINALLY worked for us after trying many things was for me to lay down on the couch and snuggle with her and we'd nap together..... That worked for awhile and then she got back into the swing of things and started napping on her own. I know you're working so that may not be an option.

Just know that at 2, it should only be a stage. She should start napping again as most 2 year olds are NOT ready to give them up. When I was doing daycare (did it for 5 years) ALL the kids napped until kindergarten (so about 5 years old). And then on the days they were home, they tended to fall asleep yet as well!!! So, technically they napped till they were 1st graders.

Now she's 3 (will be 4 in March) and for the last 2 months we're back at it. She won't nap most days. She will lay down and play for 2 hours!!! Nothing works this time so I'm thinking of letting her give them up. BUT she still gets cranky by the time 6 or 7 rolls around some days....

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L.S.

answers from Lincoln on

This has worked well for my 2 year old son...at about 1:30 or 2 pm, I have him help pick up toys, I change him, put some cartoons or a movie on TV and tell him that he has to lay on the couch for "quiet time" If he tries to sit up or get up, I tell him that if he won't lay down and watch the movie and be quiet for "quiet time", then he will have to go to bed. If he gets up anyways...I stick to it and send him to bed. He always gets a second chance if he decides that he would rather participate in "quiet time instead of going to bed. I also turn the volume on the TV down really low so that he must be silent to hear it. I don't talk to him during this time. I either do chores or I sit and pretend to nap next to him. He ALMOST always gets relaxed and or bored and falls asleep. I then give him a few minutes to be completely out and I carry him to bed. When he doesn't fall asleep, the resting seems to make a big difference in his attitude. Something like this may work for you. It gets them to relax without seeming unfun like its nap time. Good luck

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C.D.

answers from Sioux Falls on

Hi, M.
I have a 4 1/2 year old and she did that and that age. They really do need a nap or a early bedtime. Jordan, my daughter, goes to bed a 8:30. I think research states a two year old needs 12-14 hours a day and a 4 year old needs 10-12 hours each day. My daughter hated to nap at that age too, but if I or my daycare would lie her down she would be so much happier when she gets up. Your daughter is growing and learning so much in one day, she needs plenty of sleep. Try and get her to lie down in the early afternoon. I think you will see a big difference. I don't think putting her to bed early is not enough sleep and that means less time to spend with her when you get off work. I found this is where you have to be the MOM. Parenting is tough and not always what they went but what they need.

A little about me:
Mother to a 4 1/2 year old. I am a RN at a local hospital and work on the farm also with my husband. We have been together for 15 years and tried to have a baby for 10 years before we got, Jordan.

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L.M.

answers from Green Bay on

Is she teething her molars? Around 2 those last four molars usually come in and can make a 2 year old cranky and unwilling to sleep.

In fact, I'm fairly certain the term "terrible twos" comes from the fact that 2 year olds are teething their molars and it makes them act out/cranky/whiny/angry because they are experiencing almost constant low-level pain.

L.

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J.S.

answers from Madison on

we have an almost four year old and a 1 yr old. my first child stopped napping at two. except in the car.....
i've talked with other moms with the same issue; we just made a quiet time where she was expected to rest for 45 min. you cannot make a child sleep.....
she also had a bedtime of about 9pm.
she slept from 9 to 9am....

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A.M.

answers from Appleton on

Hi M.,

I don't have a ton of advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that I am experiencing many of the same things with my almost 21 month old--you are not a lone! I started reading (today actually) "The Happiest Toddler on the Block", a friend of mine suggested it. It gives great tips on how to control tantrums, that is what my friends say. I am hoping it helps us as well.

One thing I do do when I am home with her, I also work so I can't control daycare days, but I put her in her crib, and let her cry at nap time-- and/or I notice she plays in there and I just let her. Some times she falls asleep while playing, some times she doesn't. I think it helps her to relax for a little while, and I know it helps me to get things done or relax myself.

I will be keeping an eye on your post to see what other parents post. I would love some tips as well!! Hang in there!!

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K.B.

answers from Des Moines on

Oh! I was not going to answer any more questions this morning but I could not resist this one! This is MY daughter too! Only she is ten now...

As a healer and a teacher I have found over time that this profile actually fits an entire group of children - those of the choleric (and sometimes sanguine) temperament. These temperaments are known in Chinese medicine as fire and air. If you are not familiar with temperaments it is suffice to say that it is just a "type" of person.

Is she also a very bright and vibrant child who loves people and activities and always has an opinion? Does she seem to "know what she wants"? Is she very active and energentic in general?

It might just be normal for her to sleep fewer hours. My first two children took naps until they were 5-years-old. My youngest, stopped taking naps when she was 18 months old. It was amazing! However, she does go to bed like clockwork every evening - like a little wind-up toy that just ran out of "wind". This type of child sometimes just likes to go and go until they are "done" for the day.

With my daughter I found that what she needed more than naps was some quiet time every day - time without anyone else - with a book or some music or her toys or just sitting with me looking at pictures in books, something quiet. She would always go to bed early but then she would wake up early too and we had time together then before the other two woke up (I often wondered if that was her plan LOL).

She is still the same way. Over the years, however, I have taken the time to teach her how her moods are connected to her need for sleep and help her to identify when she needs sleep (or food). She would just play and talk to friends all day and forget to eat or sleep if it was up to her. I am the same way.

I guess the short response is - she actually needs less sleep. However, she also needs more quiet time and she needs to learn to identify when she needs to sleep - perhaps an earlier bedtime and an earlier rise time would be a good new rhythm for her as well. Sometimes new habits take a week to form, but once you start a pattern, it becomes ingrained in them and she will start to go to bed at the same time every night.

Adding a ritual to the pattern helps too - like reading two books before bed, taking a bath before bed, etc...

You can go to Cambell's and get this awesome bubble bath called "California Baby" that has essential oils of lavender or other oils. There is one called "calm" that is really good. Nobody can resist sleeping after taking a bath in that stuff! And bath time is a great time to connect with her - connections don't have to be playing together. Any time you are together you are connecting.

I read a story once in my anthropology studies about a culture of women that connected by brushing each other's hair - that was their time to connect and bond. I always thought that was so cool!

Blessings & Health,
K., Windsor Heights, Des Moines
2 Daughters 10 & 14, Son is 12
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