New Cat Owner Needs Help

Updated on September 14, 2011
K.J. asks from Petersburg, IL
18 answers

I'm hoping some of you Mamas can help me with my new cat. Neither my hubby nor I have owned a cat before but my kids really wanted one so we decided to go for it. Since we don't have much experience (my grandma had outdoor cats when I was a child so I have been around them) we don't know what's normal and what behavior should be a concern. Our biggest problem is that "Monroe" has started biting. The first several weeks we had him, he didn't bite or scratch at all. He was the perfect, loving cat. He has slowly started to change though. At first, it was nipping at our heels in the morning while we all were running around trying to get ready and out the door. I figured it was because he wanted attention since he had been alone all night long. From there it has escalated to not just the mornings but periodically throughout the day. Sometimes he even nips at us while we're petting him or while we're sitting on the couch, he'll just walk up and bite or scratch at our legs. Its become so bad that my 8 year old is now more afraid of him then liking him and she wants us to get rid of him. I don't blame her, its not fun never knowing if the cat is approaching you because he wants to be loved on or because he's going to bite you. The nipping (I say nip because he rarely full-on bites or breaks the skin, its more of a quick nip to get our attention) seems very random most of the time. One minute he's purring and happy, the next minute he's nipping at my hand while I'm petting him. It seems strange to me! Anyone have a similar experience or any advice on how to get him to stop? We read on a pet website that we should hold him down by the scruff of his neck and sternly tell him NO. That doesn't seem to work. We've resorted to putting him in another room with the door closed so he can "calm down." It works temporarily, he comes out of the room and doesn't bite for a good while afterwards. This has become a daily occurrence though and it needs to stop or we'll have to give him back to the shelter.
A little background...We got Monroe the last week of July so we've had him about 1.5 months now. He's around 2 yrs old but was a stray brought to the shelter so we don't know for sure. Because he was a stray, we have no idea if he was ever owned by another family or if he was always a stray. He was "fixed" and had all his shots before we brought him home from the shelter.
Any advice would be helpful. Thanks in advance Mamas!

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for your input. We do have a laser pointer and other toys that we use to distract Monroe, for those that advised it. We also have a squirt bottle for when he climbs on the counter or does other things we'd prefer he not. Both of those things do help distract him when he starts biting. I have started playing with him first thing in the morning for just a few minutes (he normally bites the most in the morning) and it has helped him bite less. I guess I was hoping for some fantastic cure-all that would make him stop biting and scratching completely but I'm sure there isn't one. I'm trying all your suggestions and that's about all I can do, other than getting another cat which I'm not up to doing right now. Maybe in the future. Thanks again!

Featured Answers

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Nipping is very common and is their way of playing or engaging you. Use the firm no while holding the scruff of the neck. A more effective training method is a squirt bottle or water. A very light tap on the nose while saying a firm, 'no bite' is also an approved method of training.

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K.S.

answers from Chicago on

You have received lots of helpful suggestions. Don't give up on Monroe...or give him away. You can work through it and I DEFINITELY agree that you need another cat to keep him occupied...they are so much fun to watch together...Just introduce them slowly. Don't dump a new cat down in the middle of the room and let them get used to each other. Keep the new kitty in a crate for an while and let Monroe sniff him and get used to him. Also get an additional litter box...one for each cat...

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C.P.

answers from Columbia on

This is normal behavior in the feline community. He's playing with you. Showing that he loves you.

It isn't possible to stop completely, but you can reduce it. I suggest that you repeatedly remove him from the situation or offer him a toy to redirect him. Kitties need toys too. Also, if he is doing this in the morning, give him a good petting and then get his food in his bowl before it usually starts.

Talk to your vet and ask them to teach you how to safely clip his claws. Do it when he's drowsy and purring. Even if you can only clip one paw at a time, it makes a tremendous difference.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Assure your children that Monroe LOVES them! He just doesn't know the best ways of showing it yet. Think of him as a toddler who doesn't know yet how to get along with the others in his play group.

I believe he is feeling more comfortable, after a month and a half at your house, and he would like to play with you! If you were a cat, you would nip him back. Cats play that way all the time; it looks and sounds as if they're killing each other, but they're having fun. Monroe is probably a little surprised that you all don't go for it.

My fifteen-year-old cat still does it. She'll be happy and purring as I pet her, and then she'll go after my arm. I have to call it a love bite. She has the best intentions. But I don't like it.

A "Don't!" doesn't work as well for a cat as it does for a dog, but say it anyway - loudly. It will at least annoy him enough to be distracting. A squirt of water might help Monroe decide he doesn't want to play this way with you, if you can squirt him fast enough. Your response of moving him into another room seems to be working, too; you've distanced him from those he loves, and he's taking the correction for a while.

The easiest solution might be good cat toys.

Cats think good toys are anything that interest them (including your body parts - but you already know that), but you need to ensure that his toys are safe. Balls, toys from the pet supply store, cardboard toilet paper rolls, even an old-fashioned *paper* grocery bag without handles (he could get his head caught in handles, and plastic bags are dangerous) might be fun for him. My cats have loved all those at various times, plus socks, pens on desks, and anything in a half-open dresser drawer. So I have had to be careful how I open drawers.

If you can have little baskets with a few toys in them placed about the house, then your daughter or any other family member can grab one and distract him that way. Having toys also makes it possible for your children actually to play with Monroe without fearing for their personal safety.

As Monroe gets older, he probably won't "attack" as much (my cat is rather an exception); it's just a matter of living through this stage and planning how to respond.

You can also call your vet; you might get some more suggestions. This may well sound like a complete nuisance to you, but it's just part of caring for a cat, and you'll be happy that you took the trouble. Monroe sounds like a winner.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Try hissing at him and stop playing. I would also not play with him in a manner that riles him up with my hands or feet to avoid him thinking that those are toys. Get fishing pole type toys, balls, cat nip mice, etc. Make sure he gets play time so he's less riled up later. And if he's the type of cat to only tolerate so much petting and activity look for signs (like a flicking tail) that he's done or about to bite.

The other thing is to take a step back and remember you have a CAT. Not that cats should maul you, but biting and scratching can somewhat be compared to a dog barking or jumping. Animals have certain behaviors and if you come to understand them, you might be better to deal with them. Also, cats will do a little nip that is a "love bite". It may be what you take as a mean action is either affection or a warning and not a malicious bite at all. Cats may also rub their faces on you such that their teeth scrape your skin, but that's marking, not biting.

For the scratching, learn to clip his claws (we do it with an ordinary pair of toenail clippers, just the tips) and give him appropriate things to scratch.

I urge you to work through this. Talk to the shelter about it. They should have a behaviorist who evaluates the animals for adoption. That person should be able to give you advice. The solution here is, I think, to understand Monroe (who may just now feel settled in) instead of giving him back to an uncertain future.

You might also encourage your 8 yr old to be the food person so the cat associates her with something REALLY GOOD and they can have a better relationship.

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G.T.

answers from Redding on

They call it "holding", which is something they do because they like you. My cat was a feral and has a tendency to hold quite a bit during petting and she'll bite when I play rough with her. I have to get her by the scruff and tell her no. I've had her for 6 years and she still bites (hard) during play, so it might not be something that's totally curable. I can't let mine play with little kids since she's so rowdy. Other than that she's very sweet and loves sleeping on me, never bites for no reason, only when she's excited. You could try a misting bottle of water to train yours, have it handy when she does the nipping so you can say "No!" and give her the spray of water simultaneously. Water is a good training tool for cats.
ADDED: You might want to get a second cat so Monroe has another cat to play with and that could solve the problem.

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A.C.

answers from Boston on

AV gave you some great advice. Cats are strange and wonderful creatures who all have their own distinct personalities, and the cats who end up strays can have even stranger quirks than most. If you have cable there is a show on Animal Planet called My Cat From Hell. I highly recommend it. It will give you some ideas on different types of behaviors and how to deal with them. Good luck, and don't give up on Monroe.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

First of all YOU do not OWN a cat, you are allowed to have a cat in your home.. it is a great honor.. Hee, hee..

It sounds like you all are doing some research, I suggest you actually check out a book about cats and read it. It will help you understand the cues your cat is sending you.

Cats are nothing like dogs.. He sounds like he wants to be played with.. Or is bored, And he wants you attention. But when HE is tired of it, he will let you know.

The nipping is his way of keeping your attention.. We also realized 1 of our cats, did NOT like her tummy to be petted or scratched. Another cat did not like her paws petted.. It takes time to get to know a pet. As they get older, they become more independent. You have to learn what they are communicating to them.

The nipping is also one way for them to "guide you" to what they want or it can be a way to get you to play with them..

Our cat nipped at us to be fed, sometimes her litter box needed to be cleaned out.. sometimes she wanted to play.. She would nip at our legs, herding us towards what she wanted addressed.

That means rolling a small ball around.. chasing him around the house.. using a dish towel to "cover" him.. Get a box (you can tape it closed then cut a hole or 2 into it into it) move it around with a string attached and let your cat explore. A paper bag.. Leave the blinds up or the curtains open so he can look outside at the birds and squirrels. Cats love window sills.

The spray bottle is also a good way to attempt to "train" a cat. Have one ready for the times the cat does things you do not like.. Scratching furniture etc.

Getting acquainted with any animal is like getting acquainted with an infant. You will learn the different signals they are sending you. It does take time.

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L.L.

answers from Orlando on

I never owned a cat either until a few years ago (I inherited one, lol) I think cats are just picky like that - my cat will sometimes be purring and happy and I'm petting her then she'll just get sick of it, bite me (not hard like you said) and walk away. I thought that was just cats in general and their personality.

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P.O.

answers from Tampa on

Sounds like could be a few things. Usually while petting and the nipping occurs it is due to a lot of stimulation (excitement) or you are petting in an area or pressure he doesn't like. As for just coming up to you and nipping - that is how many littermates will greet each other - and he may be wanting to get your attention because he wants to be pet or played with.

If it doesn't break the skin and doesn't actually hurt - why is your 8 y/o child afraid of the cat? Tell her to relax and calm down and to research cat communication. Mommy, you should too! I only hold my cats by the scruff (like a punishing Momma cat) when I hear them growling at another cat, when I break apart a cat fight or if they are trying to show their dominance to me. I have 13 cats, 12 are indoor.

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T.S.

answers from Nashville on

I've had more than my share of cats over the years. Nipping is very common, especially in younger cats who are still very playful. They do it as a way to get attention or to let you know "hey, that's enough, leave me alone". From the sound of it, he wants attention. Two is still young - think of him as a child - he wants to play. My kitty just turned one and she will follow us around and bat or nip at our legs if we haven't spent enough time playing with her.

I suggest getting a few good toys and encourage your kids to play with him daily. Most cats love twirly, string toys you wave around and they can chase. Pen lights are great as well. Cats also enjoy the typical small ball or mouse to chase around, but it sounds like your kitty may want interactive playtime which the string toys or pen light would be better for. My husband and I will also rough house a bit with our kitty - ruffle her fur a bit and let her paw and nibble and chase our hands - again, giving her attentive playtime. Our 6 year daughter old tries this as well, but our kitty can get a bit rough for her and our daughter just walks away when it gets too rough.

The two main times we don't usually have time to play and she looks for attention is getting ready in the morning and when we get home and are fixing dinner. This is when we feed her and it typically diverts her attention from attacking our legs for attention.

Like the other poster suggested, water bottles work well when he is still getting nippy or misbehaving in any other way. We keep one handy and if she acts up, most times we just have to aim it at her now (she learned quick) and she stops the behavior.

Please be patient with your kitty and explain to your kids that he is still a kitten and wants attention and to play just like they do being kids. I wouldn't keep locking him away in another room - pets need attention; take the time to spend with them just like you would your own children and you should see the behavior improve. And your kids need to understand the same - cats need and want to play.

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A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

The cat might have some "issues" to work thru.....it might out grow them with lots of love and kindness and it might not. I had a cat named Sassy for 15 years and she was crazy........she was a stray that had been found in a bag in a river along with a few of her siblings that were already dead....someone had tried to just drown them all and she survived. She was very afraid of people. Most people wouldn't even know we had her unless we told them - this got better as she got older, she would come out when some of our close friends were here. She was pretty much fine around the family, including my kids. But sometimes you'd be petting her and she was purring and happy and then she'd reach over and bite you with a crazy look in her eyes. Or sometimes she would come over and attack your feet. Never broke the skin or anything. We just dealt with it......she had issues.....it did get better with age, but we're talking years later.
I don't think putting the cat in a room is the answer. I would be more inclined with a (light) tap on his nose. Try to read the cats behavior more....you should be able to tell what mood he's in - lovable or crazy biter!

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K.C.

answers from Denver on

It sounds like you are doing the right thing by holding the scruff of his neck. Lightly tap his nose and say no when he does bite.
I have a helpful hint for you!! Clip his claws frequently. When you do this, you can use a regular nail clipper and just clip the very tips off. I hold the cat in my lap (usually outside or in the tub, so the nails have a place to go). The cat sits in my lap "baby-style", like belly up. After you have clipped the back and front claws, give him a treat, like kitty treats or wet food or catnip. I have done this with all my cats and now they come running when it's time for a nail trim. They know they will get a treat and it makes it a lot easier. Good luck!!

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C.M.

answers from Chicago on

I don't think Monroe is biting out of anger, you'd know it if he was! I think it's just his way of playing or letting you know he's done with the petting.

I suggest getting a laser pointer as a toy and let your 8-year old play with him. Most cats love to chase around the laser pointer and it's an easy toy to keep the cat away from playing with your 8-year olds body parts!

I would not lock him up. That may change his behavior for the worse.

Hissing sometimes works. We hiss at our cats when they do something we don't like and it seems to do the trick. You can't always have a water bottle available.

If you can't trim your cat's nails they make plastic nail caps. One of my cats didn't like her nails trimmed, but she didn't mind the plastic nail caps.

We have a cat who loves to be petted and snuggled. Our other cat wants to sit on your lap and purr but she doesn't really want to be petted. She will nip at your hand if you do. Watch the tail. If Monroe starts to swish his tail or twitch it then he's getting agitated and it's time for you to stop.

Little kittens often attack things that are moving. My cat attacked my feet when I was wearing slippers for 3 years! I'd be walking down the hall in my fuzzy slippers and she'd jump out from a hiding place and attack my foot :)

It sounds like Monroe is just playful. Maybe he needs a good scratching post too :)

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M.P.

answers from Raleigh on

My no 14 yo cat was the same way at first. I put on an oven mitt to play with him. When he bit, I held him down with the mitt and said "No". Not in any way that would hurt him, but just in a firm way that let him know I meant business. I also trained him not to claw with the same tactic. If he tried to claw me, I would hold him down and say "No claw claw" until he stopped. Then I would let him go. Pretty soon he figured out that doing those things would get him "The Mitt". I never had to worry about our cat nipping or clawing again- us or our children! Hope this helps!

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D.C.

answers from Dallas on

Exactly what Mary L. said. Except for the difference in age, she described my cat exactly.

We have a young kitten who does this, but really just when she wants to play, and can't get our other cat to play with her. It's particularly bad early in the morning when the kitten thinks it's time for everyone to wake up and play with her. She'll nip at any exposed body part until she gets the attention she wants. I keep some cat toys by my bed to keep her amused when I'm not ready to get up yet. My daughter figured out that she likes to play "fetch" with a little toy mouse - good for tiring her out before bed!

Incidentally, our other cat used to nip at our heels like you described. This stopped the instant we got the second cat, because now she had a playmate. Just a thought! :-)

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A.F.

answers from Chicago on

I ditto the second cat idea, he needs a playmate!

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D.G.

answers from Chattanooga on

It sounds like he thinks you allow the behavior because of the nipping at heels at beginning. Some cats nip for various reasons mainly to get attention or to actions they not like. I suggest trim his nails and see how much attention he wants.. They also have calming sprays/ collars at pet stores. At his age he had to have been owned by someone as if he had never been owned he would be extremely feral and would have been put down

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