D.B.
I wonder what sort of responses you are expecting if you have to plead with people to be positive and not negative. Have you already had feedback from friends on this issue that did not go well?
In June, you posted about her wetting herself. Now it's November and there is still something going on, but it sounds like the quantity is much less. In June you thought it was because she was getting attention like the other kids. Now she still has something going on and I'm concerned that for all this time you think it's totally under her control. It almost sounds like you are trying to talk her out of it by "threatening" to put her in pull-ups. I'm wondering if she's just a late developer, or if all the pressure is making it harder on her? Do you think you should just stop talking about it and let her wear the proper garments until she's developmentally ready? I know you say you don't "want to" but this really is about your child, not you. My child was well past the age of 4 before he was reliably dry. I think kids "learn" things in their own time, and some are early on the toilet and later on other things like gross motor skills. Maybe your daughter is just not "there" yet with toilet practices.
I wonder if it's possible that she's not wiping herself sufficiently and what you are noticing is just the residual amount of urine? You would know this better than I - I'm just raising the possibility. Your June post said she'd been trained since age 2 although at 4 she will still having accidents - so I'm wondering if she just didn't have the skills at 2 to be fully competent in the bathroom, and she's still doing things the way she did at 2?
I suppose you could use a panty liner but it's going to be way too wide for her, so you'll have to start trimming it so it doesn't rub on her legs in the groin area. I've never heard of anyone doing this and I would worry that it would start to shred at the edges anyway.
Bladder leakage and stress incontinence is a problem for a large percentage of women, as you know from your own experience. You say you have a leakage problem but you tell your daughter she is "wetting herself" as if it's entirely under her control. It sounds like mixed messages to me. I think you might want to have a good conversation with the doctor as well as with the Head Start teacher to learn more about the physical vs. social aspects of her toilet practices.
ETA: You know, it's so frustrating to take time to raise some issues you may not have thought of, only to have you remove your question with a "never mind" attitude. It's not possible to understand every nuance of someone's life and situation. We do the best we can with your summary, and if we misunderstand, that happens. But you have to own some of it too - your sentences weren't necessarily crystal clear. I don't fully understand some of what you wrote here in your totally new message. So it's really hard to answer your question and still comply with what you think I should say. I thought it made sense to read your prior post to get background but apparently that ticked you off too. I'll really think twice before answering any future posts that you may put up, and I imagine others will too. That's a shame because you won't get the benefit of new ways of looking at your own problem, which is, I thought, what you came here for.
