I need some advice. My 3 1/2 year old son is mean to my husband (his Daddy). He loves him and can be wonderful and playful with him, but on a daily basis he is mean to him. He wants me to do everything and will tell him "no, I wanted Mommy" all the time. My husband is very sensitve and this hurts his feelings. He really tries to be a good daddy. I need him to be able to help, too!
I have seen this with my own Grandchildren - It seems that they know that they hold some kind of power over the "big " people when they see a response to the behavior.
Both of you just try to ignore it altogether and watch it go away .
S.,
This is so normal. I remember when my daughter was younger and never wanted my husband. He was hurt but then she went through a phase where she didn't want me and wanted him. Now, she is 8 and my son is two. He actully adores his daddy and even though I am home the majority of the time, if my husband has a couple days off, my son then wants nothing to do with me and will scream when I go to get him in the morning. So, I am beyond being hurt it is just annoying when I need to get him dressed and he is screaming becasue he wants dad who is at work. My point is that kids just go through these phases. It will pass.
M.
Very typical i must say..I have 4 kids 2 sons..my son always wants his mom as first choice...they grow out of this..its soo typical for any child for mama being first..especially a stay at home mom..thats who they r use to. I am a stay at home mom..and i have a daughter who does this, she is 5..However growing out of it, and wanting more time with dad. Tell hubby its typcail and doeesnt mean he is a bad daddy...its just what they do ..
Hi Suzie,
I am a 57 year old mother of 3 grown girls and grandma to 2 children. Congrats on being home with your children, this is so important. Just a couple of things to keep in mind. The half years tend to be insecure times. Half the year secure the other half insecure. Your son just maybe going through one of those insecure times. Hard to hear when you are going through this right now, but take courage it won't go on forever. When my girls were preschoolers it was very interesting to watch them go in and out of these stages and it really relieved some of the pressure I was feeling, thinking I was doing something wrong. Secondly, I learned that eye contact was also very important when talking to my child. They really feel loved and cared about when you do this. Don't know if you are a reader but a very good book is "How to Really Love your Child" by Ross Campbell. I did a lot of reading when my children were little and this was one of the best. I am sure you are reassuring your husband that he is doing a lot of the right things.
Remember this too will pass
M.
Because you are with him on a daily basis he sees you as the primary parent. It is possible that he and your husband need some one on one time without you present. Take the baby and go visit a friend or go shopping and leave the two of them alone for a while. See if that doesn't help. It may not go smoothly at first but keep trying and see what happens.
E. in Michigan
I also have a 3 year old son, and we are going through the same thing. If I am gone jack is fine with daddy, but if I am anywhere around all he wasnts is me for everyting!
My husband also gets his feelings hurt. I try to assure him that "This too shall pass".
Tell your husband not to take it personally, it is just the age. There will come a day when he wants nothing to do with mommy and everything to do with daddy.
Good Luck!
K.
It's not unusual. My son is 9 1/2 and would still rather do things with me. The day will come when he turns to dad. Just hang in there. It all goes by so quickly.
It's pretty natural, especially with boys! And yes, Daddies don't like it. My advice: leave him home with daddy while you run errands, go out with friends to dinner once a month if your budget allows; and if it really allows, plan a weekend get away. He'll still want you but he'll allow daddy too. Honestly, they grow out of the nastiness over it. However, my married son and I still have heart to heart talks and are very close. It's like that...boys and their mommies - girls and their daddies.
We, too, have a similar situation. I have a 2-yr.-old daughter and a 4-yr-old son. An example from our lives, my husband and I used to alternate nights we put them to bed, in order to share that special time, but the kids always screamed for me and he felt lousy! Anyhow, we realized that they love playing with their daddy, but crave their mommy for comfort. Bedtime is a comforting time. So, we stopped fighting them. We figure one day this will change (all too soon), so I should soak it up now. We have learned that each parent has an important role in their childrens' lives even if it isn't always the one you want to play all the time. Alas, there are certain things we cannot control in our children -- sleeping, pooping/peeing, eating and loving. And do we really want to?
With my boys, when they were young, one of them wanted me,and the other only wanted their dad. It didn't hurt our feelings because it is normal. They'll grow to appreciate both of you, but make sure the children get 'alone time' with both parents. K.
Do you think this is just a phase? My two year old does this occasionally too. I think it is very important that you and your husband be the adults and make the decisions. This could be that your little one is trying to see how much say he has in the family. Continue to have daddy do things for him and with him - even if he doesn't want to - sometimes with them at home and sometimes when they are home and you are out. Time with dad is not an option. The little guy may want to see his daddy to be firm (kids do crave boundaries) Say for example you are putting him to bed and you tell him to give daddy a hug/ kiss if he refuses in a firm but kind voice 'tell' him to give daddy a hug/kiss. Again, you need to be firm and follow through. Children do not want parents who are wishy washy. (I don't know if you are or not but I know in many families this is the case) They are too insecure themselves and need to be able to trust their parents to make good and confident choices for them. Sigmund Froid was right about the ediple complex (little boys prefer mom - feel threatend by dad - may interfere with mother son relationship)
Continue to have daddy be playful, tickling, hide and seek games around the house, playing one on one (or at least stay physically close to him - as to move in slowly)and still be confident enough to make decisions for your son and follow through (not allowing him to change your decision) Hang in there - and remember you are the parents you make the choices not the child. This country is full of little kids making too many choices and this freedom is too much for them to handle. Teach them young - show him that he can trust and rely on his parents.
