Hi, I just have a question about something that has been bothering me for about 7 years now. My son is 10 and my nephew is 12, they have been great friends since my son was three. We always let him come over and play and my son go over there to play. My question is what do you do when a family member is a bad influence and how do I prevent my son from playing with him? My nephew has never really had rules at home, climbing up the walls literally with shoes on was something my Ex sister-in- law thought was a cool accomplishment for him! He is the baby of four and my brother and sister in law have been divorced for about 6 years now. He is disrespectful to me and my husband, calling us losers and disrespecting our neighbors too. He wrestles in our living room and i yell at them all and say no wrestling in our house,they run in the house he jumps on my couch and throws my daughter all around. When he was 8 he destroyed all my husbands trains from when he was little and he also ripped the bi-fold door off our closet at our old house. I have talked to my brother about him and he said well when he's at your house discipline him! I told my sister in law one time about him making obscene gestures and swearing "by accident" she just said to him.. "what have we told you about that? If you do it again you'll be grounded. His older siblings are 23,21 and 19. They all think everything he does is funny. I really don't want to have him around and my son gets very upset because he is about the only kid that is always available to play since our kids don't go to school in our neighborhood they don't have many friends in the neighborhood and most of the kids that they go to school with live across town and have crazy schedules. My son doesn't understand and I have told him I don't like how disrespectful he is in our house and how you guys get into so many things when he is here. My son says but he is family and you are always talking about how important family is! Right now he is up in his room pouting because I said no he can't play with him this weekend. I was kind of hoping that this year since my nephew has started Jr. high that he would make new friends and think my son is too immature for him, but that hasn't happened. Sorry its so long but like I said it's been bothering me for many years and I had to give you a background so you know what I'm dealing with. I'm not strong when it comes to discipling other people's children and he sasses me anyway when I try to and I don't see where its my place to do that anyway!!! Help please!
Don't punish him because no one loves him enough to set limits for him. You need to set the limits and be the good influence because it's obvious no one else is going to be. If they allow you to discipline him then do it. Let him know that he will not be allowed to act like that at your house.
www.loveandlogic.com would be a good place to start.
C.
I read something once...and I hope it will help you. "....Twin boys age four look exactly alike, yet God has given them different natures. On a walk with their mom, one son lags far behind. Carefully he notices every rock, occasionally overturning one in search of a hidden worm. Bits of paper or discarded cans become rare treasures to bring to his mother. A peaceful soul, he walks as if in a daze, so occupied is he with his surroundings. His pace is slow, as if he had not a care in the world. Way ahead, his brother races, calling out to people passing by. Back and forth he runs to his mother with ideas bursting forth. "Mom, can we go to the park next?" Or "let's get the bikes out." Or "I want to build a tree house in the old oak tree." The frazzled Mom calls to one, "hurry up" and to the other "slow down." Yet in God's perfect wisdom, He has created two distinct individuals with gifts for this family. One son will teach the family to slow down, to wonder at the world, to take in God's creation, and to appreciate life. He will bring peace and enable others to relax. The other son will stimulate ideas. He will cause the family to plan ahead. He will have visions for tomorrow. His energy will infuse those around him. Certainly there will be times of frustration for the parents as they balance these personalities and seek to bring out the best of both. But they will be encouraged when they remember that God is at work in their family, allowing the diversity of its members to create a lovely harmony. God has chosen our family members, and He makes no mistakes."
I believe that your nephew is the son that is the one with visions for tomorrow and will plan for his family ahead. He is lost right now because of lack of love and discipline in his own home. You have every right to lay out boundaries and rules that will be obeyed in your home...if not...lay out the consequences of his actions. He is looking for boundaries and someone to love him enough to guide him and make him a better human being. While he is in your home (limit the visits) follow through with what you set before him with the rules. He will grow to love and respect you for it. As for your son, he is looking to you and watching how you handle every situation in life. You are laying the foundation for his future. Don't back down with your boundaries because he is pouting. We are not trying to be best friends with our children...we are to love them and guide them. I believe that you are a wise woman with a gift to give your son and nephew...Love and guidance...Use it!! I am sorry this was so long...I hope it helps.
Hi I agree with Janet. If he can't abide by your rules and won't listen to you then don't let him over anymore. Family or not family. Anytime kids are at my house they follow the rules or else they are not allowed over. And also don't allow such rude behavior from him towards you and your family. Your brother and his exwife did a horrible job with raising him. I would not allow that kind of behavior in my house and teaching my kids that behavoir. Good Luck
K., You have to stick to your guns! Don't let your child tell you what is best for him. CLEARLY, this nephew is going down a destructive path. I'm afraid that since your son has spent so much time with him already, he may not take it very well, when you cut this nephew out of the picture. But, it is your responsibility to raise your child the best way you know how. If that means limiting his time with a destructive path, then do it. In fact, if this newphew weren't related, would you allow this relationship to continue anyway???? What makes you think that since he's related it makes any difference? In fact, it might be even a worse thing, as he is starting in Jr. high, and bringing all kinds of new ideas into your home that you wouldn't approve of. As to disciplining the nephew in your home, it won't cure him of his bad behavior that has obviously been okay for him for so long. It won't change him much, BUT it will change what happens in YOUR house. If he won't behave in accoradance to your rules in your house, then he should NOT be there. Please, please, keep your child safe from a destructive influence. Pre-teens, and teens, have enough to deal with already about themselves, and figuring out what's really important in life. They don't need extra trouble. I wish you the best, and I know that it's got to be hard. But, I'm sending up a prayer for you to know what is the best thing to do, and a plan to follow it. BE STRONG. You are the mom, you are the one with the wisdom with your husband to bring about the best opportunites for your kids. Good Luck.
J.
