So, our neighbors have a daughter who is our son's age (2). The kids love to play together and our neighbors are good people. We have gone to a couple of their parties and vice versa; the relationship is good. I know they would help us out with anything we needed. So maybe I am just being uptight here but I am starting to get annoyed! They get home from work a lot earlier than us and it seems like *every* evening they are outside literally waiting for us to get home from work/daycare so their daughter can play with our son. To the point where they are actually walking up into our garage while I am unbuckling my son from his carseat. Or playing in our front yard. I am glad my son has a playmate. I really am. But after working a full day (I work FT) and missing my LO like crazy, most of the time I just want to go inside and relax with my son. But my son, who is crazy social and friendly, always wants to play. So I have to play outside for 45 minutes before finally going inside after a long day and unwind and reconnect with my son. Has anyone ever dealt with something like this? Ideas? Thanks!
Next time they come over, casually just say, "Oh, I'm pretty pooped after working all day. Why don't get get the kids together on weekends from now on?"
Just tell them the truth. Say you are often tired after work and are not up for a play date some days. But when your son sees their daughter he really really wants to play and it is hard to say no. Say you don't want them to take this the wrong way but could they please not walk up but to call first. Or have a standing playdate every Wednesday (or whatever day you want to pick). Tell them you really enjoy having them as neighbors and you hope this will work for them too. I am SURE they will agree.
I like Momma L's suggestion to establish boundaries and to be polite in setting your limits and in saying "no." Because your little guy won't understand if you say "not now" as you're getting out of the car, I have one additional suggestion: decline the day before. Since it seems this is an on-going, almost daily issue, set the limit today for tomorrow. So, when you're sucking it up tonight & trying to keep a happy face on this situation, tell your neighbor that tomorrow you're going to have to go right in from work because (make up an excuse here) or because your son has been getting to bed too late and struggling in the morning or whatever. Allow a day or two a week for a get together after work, but feel free to set a time limit: "So nice to see you! We have a few minutes to play this evening if that works. DS, we can stay outside for 10 minutes, OK? Then we need to go in and get dinner started." In 8 minutes, give a 2-minute warning to both kids & the other parents, then stick to it.
Good luck!
Create your boundaries now before it gets too late and the little girl comes pounding at your door unsupervised when she is older. Their need to play and wait for you in your own yard every day is really odd, even for close friends.
Just very politely tell them, "Tonight is not a good night." or, "So nice to see you, maybe we can play tomorrow." or, "I have some things I need to get done right now, maybe after dinner we can meet up for a half hour to let the kids play."
No need to give them any other excuses. It is crazy rude they actually walk into the garage. Definitely create those boundaries today.
We used to have the same issue. Or it would be my son who wanted to go play with everyone. If it was my son, I would close the garage door after we got home and tell him we can go out after dinner. If someone came over, we would play for a few and then I would indicate I needed to get in and make dinner and we would be back out later. Or I would just tell them we couldn't play then but we would be out later. I must say though...be happy your son is social and wants to be out playing. I know it is hard because i have been there...but I love having a social butterfly! And the way I look at it, as he gets older, I'll know where he is because everyone will like to come to our house :)
Well, you don't "have" to do anything you don't want to do. Don't ever feel obligated...I know its easier said than done, but once you start to say NO, it gets SO much easier! So when you are getting out of the car, just say, oh, I know the kids love to play together, but we really need some family time when we get home. Can we make a playdate for Thursday at 6? Make it for a couple days later so they know this is not going to be an every day thing. You have just gotten into a habit with seeing them every day so now you need to break it. I mean really, what can they say to that? No, you have to play with us right now? So then on Thursday, when you see them, say, what about Monday at 6? Or even get their phone number and say, why don't we call each other from now on an make a plan to get together, that will be so much easier and that way we will be on the same page. That sort of implies that drop in's by them are not welcome anymore. And of course, you will have to follow your own rules and call them before going over as well. Be strong! Good luck!!!
It seems like you have a pretty good relationship with them, maybe you could try talking to them and say something like "We love having play dates but really can't have them everyday" or "I need some time to unwind after work so could you maybe wait until I'm home for an hour or so before you come over"
I used to have a neighbor like that. We lived in an apt. complex and we were upstairs neighbors. She used to wait on the steps for us. There was no other way to get in! After a while, I started saying things very similar to what Momma L has suggested. After a few times, she didn't wait for us anymore!
I know how irritating it can be and how hard you have to bite your tongue as soon as you see them. Start today, keep it going, and your problem will resolve!
I had neighbors that were like that. I didn't want to deter the kids form coming over to play, but I just told them that when we get home we all need to go in and get settles, have a snack, dinner, whatever, and that when they come out they can come over. Maybe you could text them?
I would be glad and use that time to unwind and let them play and then when you get in you'll be fully charged and ready to play with him Or if you trust them ask if they mind watching him while he plays with her so you can start dinner? Then he can have full attention after dinner. It sounds like they enjoy the break and their daughter looks foward to it. I wouldn't say anything, except maybe the occasional "oh tomorrow I wanted to lt you know we have plans right after work so we won't be able to play"
The only thing I keep thinknig is...wowwww its freezing out! I'd care about that more than the playing and being tired.oh I J. saw you were in FL
I'm more social though and wuld love the chance to unwind with a friend while my daughter had fun..i can say when i first get home i'm not the most fun for her to play with so i'd love it if i had a nieghbor like that. I could see the other peoples pov's though
I would greet them, then be like I'm tired, I'm going in eat get some rest, talk you guys later! I know its hard to say no, or I'm busy, but have to try it. Me too!
We've had several neighbors like this and it annoys me so that I've often reined my kids in b/c I didn't want people to feel like I did. I like a lot of the responses as they are much more assertive than what I normally do. :-D Now, in my case, it's become older kids (5-10 yo) running around unsupervised outside and my kids wanting to join in. Usually I will just wave and go inside and shut the garage door. If the kids ring the doorbell I will answer and let them know my kiddos can't play. I know it can be annoying but at least in your case it sounds like they really like you and your son and enjoy the interaction. If you set some gentle boundaries now I'm sure they'll get the hint and give you some more space. Good luck. :-)
