Neighborhood Children Teasing About Speech - 2 Part Question

Kids are cruel and they always have been. I think you may be a little to over protective, when he starts school the same thing is probably going to happen. I think you should look into getting him some speech therapy, my Grandson had some trouble and they were great. He is now 6 and speaking well, so look into it. As far as the kids in the neighborhood, let him play with them they are just being kids.

Okay, part one. As long as the sounds he is mispronouncing are the common ones (w for l, b for d, r's in general) and you aren't noticing a huge difference between his speech and that of other kids his age, I wouldn't stress about it yet. Bring it up when he starts nursery school or kindergarten and ask whether his teacher's would suggest intervention at that point.
Part two, it is perfectly fine to correct rude behavior when you observe it, especially if the child in question is a guest in your home. While they should have learned better already, if they haven't or aren't showing it the best thing for them is to be reminded that teasing is not nice or acceptable at any time. I would phrase it more generally by pointing out that teasing isn't nice, rather than asking them not to tease him in particular, as you may be setting him up as a target for more teasing.
Part three. If your son is not yet to the point where he recognizes teasing, count yourself blessed and let him enjoy his innocence a little longer. Soon enough he will begin to perceive all the injustices of the world and then will be the time to discuss them. For now he's just happy to get to play with the big kids and since he doesn't know that they're having fun at his expense it's obviously not hurting him.

I know exactly how you feel. Both of my children have some speech issues, and it kills me inside to know that others judge them and tease them. My mama-bear comes out and I tell the other kids exactly what I am thinking. I don't hold back. I would want their mothers to intercede if my kids were picking on theirs. I think we need to be conscious, even at a early age, that people are different.

We are special and awesome because of those differences. We will see people that talk different, speech inpediments, cleft lip, foreign, downs syndrom, etc. We will see people that walk and run different from diseases or birth anomolies such as a shorter leg, curved bones, weak muscles, accidents, those using wheel chairs, etc. People's skin will look different from freckles, spotty pigment, skin disease, burns, cancer, etc. We are all different, and it doesn't matter what's on the outside as much as our personality and heart.

I think it would benefit your child and your peace-of-mind to have your child tested by the school system for speech delays. Many children have them and overcome them by about 2nd grade. It is common for young children to mispronounce multiple letters until they have a better understanding of how to read. I think the speech pattern you described sounds absolutely normal for a 4 year old. I have a 4 year old and a 5 year old. Boys generally develop speech a bit slower than girls, so he's not going to sound like an 8 year old yet. Testing through the school system is free.

You can also have your family doctor refer you to a speech therapist for testing. If you feel there are problems, I suggest a doctor test and figure out exactly what is wrong. The school system does not have very thorough testing parameters. What they consider as normal may be far below normal for what you-as a parent- consider acceptable and normal for your child. You know your child better than anyone else.

The school system tested my 5 year old and thought that his speech was just a bit behind and he was immature. I had him tested by a psychologist, and he said my son has Autism Spectrum Disorder. My son had several other issues in addition to the speech issues. However, it helped me direct the school system in knowing how to talk to my son, teach him, focus their teaching methods, and gave me a starting point to research ways to help my son at home and school.

I think that all children need help in understanding other people. We do not have automatic coping mechanisms to deal with differences, feelings and building social relationships. Even adults struggle with these things, so I cannot expect children to know how to act. We have to teach them. It takes a village to raise a child... I really believe that. Every person that comes in contact with our child is teaching them something. I try to make sure that the children around me are gaining a wise and knowledgeable insight on the situation instead of using their own judgment or whatever prejudice that has been taught to them.

Follow your instincts. They won't mislead you.

Fight on mama-bear! lol

As I was reading through the other advice you received, I just remembered that our children can be their own best advocate. I use those situations to talk to my kids about ways to cope and handle those things. Kids start calling names and often turn it into fights. I teach my boys to use their words. My 5 year old will tell any child... or adult for that matter... that his feelings are hurt, the person is being mean, that the person is making him angry, that he's not going to play with them because they are mean. I have seen other children start conversations with him and say sorry, change their attitudes, begin sharing, etc. Sometimes we don't know how our actions effect others, and I think it's important to learn how to voice ourselves. My son stands up for everyone. He's told his teacher, a man how is like 6'5" and 400 lbs, that he was being mean and he needed to be nice to the class. The teacher pulled him aside, wrote me a letter about it. I realized that the tone the teacher used was too harsh according to my son, and my little guy decided to let him know. And... you know what... I think it's important to keep that open line of communication. I think it helped the teacher to see how others view him, and he learned how to better address his class... and my son as well...lol.

I talk to my boys about situations on TV, cartoons, movies, people we see in public, books, etc. I ask them if the people look happy or sad, angry and excited, etc. My boys are learning to read people's expressions. I ask them if the person made the others mad, sad, happy, upset, angry, etc. I ask them if the person made a good decision or a bad decision. My boys are learning appropriate responses. I ask them what the person should do in that situation. My boys know to speak up, voice that the "pushing, name calling, not sharing" made them feel "sad, upset, angry". They learn to cope with situations through communication and finding help from another adult. They tell the person they need to be nice; they are mean; they are happy; they are excited; they like playing with the person; they like sharing toys with them, etc. They are learning to say please, thank you and show real compassion for others.

I took my boys to the park and a little boy lost where his mother was at. My four year old, then only 3 years, ran up to him, gave him a hug, told him it would be okay, and pointed to where his mommy was. He stayed with him and hugged him until his mommy was there. The little boy looked comforted and not scared anymore. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. It made me realize that we can teach children compassion. My son was so excited and happy that he made the other child feel good. He was full up spirit. He knew he made a difference. I think we can teach every child ways to make better decisions and how to help give comfort and compassion to others... even if we can't fix the situation.

Teasing or making fun is NEVER a good thing. I was teased ALL thru my childhood. I'm 52 and STILL hear those mean boys, my uncle, grandfather, etc in my head sometimes. It did a HUGE number on my confidence. It took a LONG time to realize that THEY were the ones that had the problem not me.

Remind children who are teasing that you don't allow teasing, bullying, being mean, etc. at your home because it is NOT in anyone's best interest. Tell them you only allow conversation and behaviors that are beneficial. If they don't "like the rules", they can leave. I would also remind them that many times the reason people do that is to make themselves appear superior. Remind them that they probably had some speech issues when they were younger, most do, even if they were minimal. He's much younger. If they wanted to do the right thing, they'd be a ROLE MODEL to him. Ask him what kind of "role model" and image they want him to have of them and let them respond from there. If they DONT go by the rules........they're gone. That simple. It's a LIFE LESSON!

I feel saying something to an older child who should know better is fine. I like you have always been "over protective" of my Chicks. I do feel you should start with the speech therapy Our daughter had problems with her R's and would say things like come play in my woom and I can wun.
When she went to kindergarten the kids on the play ground started to tease her and the teacher suggested speech therapy for her in hindsight I wish we had done something earlier.
One this I did tell her when she was teased and it made her feel bad, was to tell the other children the "JESUS MADE ME THIS WAY AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT TAKE IT UP WITH HIM" I also told the teacher and the principle too so if anything can of it she would not get in trouble. Kids can be mean and yes they need to learn to fight their own battles, But as a Mom sometimes we do need to step in and 4 is young.
It sounds like you are a good Mom Keep up the good work
M.

Yes you should have your son tested. All you have to do is write you local school district and request an evaluation. Once a child is over 3 years of age, speech services will be provided to you through you local school district free of charge. As you know from your own experience, kids are cruel. If it isn't corrected soon the names that the neighborhood kids are calling hime may stick for life.

Also you are your childs best advocate. I have no problem telling my child the name calling and taunting is not allowed. Its mean and it is bullying. Good Luck.

C.,

You are absolutely NOT being overprotective. Remember that "we are one generation away from savages--our parents." Since you were the only adult present, you had the responsibility to communicate to ALL the older kids that it is simply NOT acceptable to pick on the smaller, younger, weaker, or different for ANY reason. Yes, the world is a tough place, and kids can be cruel--when they are not taught any better. We cannot speculate whether their parents would have corrected their unkind behavior if they had been present, but you definitely should stay vigilant for this mean behavior. I would tell the children that if they wish to continue to come and play at your house, they will remember to act like civilized humans.

Best wishes,
K.

Hi C.,

Sorry I haven't had time to read all the responses, so please forgive any repetition.

I'd consider inviting the kids one at a time to help minimize the teasing. Or focus on the one who didn't tease--invite that one back. Some kids are great on a "one-to-one" basis but will become nastier when in groups.

This probably doesn't speak to your exact questions but is another angle to consider. HTH

K. Z.

My son has some speech issues as well and I found this article to be very helpful. http://www.iched.org/cms/scripts/page.php?site_id=iched&a...

I know exactly where your coming from. My daughter who is also four has recently encountered the same thing. We can completely understand her, she's very talkative and outgoing, ahead of the game in most areas, but was "struggling" with a few sounds / sound combinations... hard k's, l's, and s blends. The momma bear in me definitely came out and I spoke my mind to my sister and her seven year old step daughter who were making fun of her, repeating things she said "wrong" in their minds. Unfortunately there are a lot of "mean" children and adults out there who are going to make fun of people for the slightest little thing. It makes them feel better about themselves.
Knowing from my educational experience, as I have taught kindergarten as well as ran summer school age programs.... that it was a developmental issue and that she would probably grow out of it, I was torn on what to do. I broke down and took her to be evaluated. Mainly b/c I figured that if I could save her some trauma of the teasing in the future I wanted to do it before she starts school. The therapists confirmed my notion that its something she "probably would have grown out of", but gave me the several options to consider. The also told me that it is a problem they see often in very young children b/c they don't know where to place their tongues to make the correct sound. I opted to have her work with a therapist for half an hour once a week. She has now been in therapy for two months and is doing amazingly better! She no longer struggles w/ the hard k's or most of the s blends. Our therapist said that she feels that by the end of the summer she will no longer need to see her. We shall see, but I DO feel much better knowing that she still has another year before starting school and shouldn't have to face the teasing in the future.

I agree the teasing can be stopped, at least at your house. My mom use to always come out and say "If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all" (Remember Bambi? :) ) That is enough to let the older kids know your listening and you don't like it.

As far as speech, my sons speech therapist said that the "w" for the L sound should go away by the time they are 5-6 years old. He started speech with school for an IEP of written communication. If there's a probelm and he starts kindergarten next year, the teacher will notice it and suggest therapy or the distric will start therapy.

As the mother of a 4 year old that isn't speaking yet I know what it feels like to be protective of your child. I would have him evaluated, it sounds like a pretty common problem and I bet with some help from a speech therapist he will be doing fine in no time.

The kids may just think it's cute and like to hear how he says things, like we do with my 2 year old nephew (I know it's different) but to them maybe it isn't really teasing, he's a lot younger than they are. I do know why you would feel that way though and realize that it can become an issue if he doesn't outgrow it soon. It's good to know that he isn't taking it as being made fun of. I don't think I would tell him that because he doesn't need a complex about the way he speaks, like another mother said, her daughter became afraid to speak - that would be terrible.

Good Luck!!

My daughter (now 23 years old) had the same problem. She was evaluated by a speech therapist in kindergarten and went through YEARS of speech therapy. She spent her elementary and most junior high afraid to speak to ANYONE because she knew she couldn't speak right. The speech therapy never really helped. In 8th grade she got braces with a palate expander. After one year her speech was perfect!! Consider mentioning this to your dentist.

Since he is four years old, if you want to have him evaluated for speech therapy, you should be able to do so through your local schools (it's part of kindergarden readiness, so your tax dollars already pay for it!). I recently had my daughter evaluated because I was concerned (she says things out of order sometimes), but the speech therapist said it was probably just happening when she is going through growth spurts and that is not unusual.

As far as the "L" sound being said like a "W" - my six year old does this too. She was in Kindergarden this year and had some informal speech therapy. The speech therapist said that developmentally, she was not behind, that it is normal for the "L" sound to not develop until 2nd or third grade for some children. The main reasons the schools now offer intervention at the kindergarden level is that children are tested on their reading skills/letter recognition and if they are mispronouncing the "L" as a "W" (0r other similar mix-ups), then it is hard to evaluate if it's just a speech problem or if they actually aren't recognizing the letter.

As for the neighborhood children, no it wasn't wrong of you to say something to him; if it happens again, I'd suggest perhaps a gentle reminder that your son is only four and he just hasn't learned to pronounce all his "l"'s very well and that rather than imitating his mispronounciation, it would be better for the older children to model the correct pronunciations because that will help him learn.

I wouldn't emphasize to your son that the other children were being mean, if he didn't perceive it that way. In fact, it's possible, that the children's intent wasn't mean - they may have just been trying to be funny. You never know with kids that age.

Good luck.

First, I would have him evaluated. It sounds developmental but once you are sure, it will put your mind at ease. If he was unaware that the other children were teasing him, I would not make a big deal. If he was expressing sadness about someone teasing him then I would help him deal with the situation.

You never mention talking to the other kids' parents. I would get to know the mom of these kids and tell them about your son so they have the opportunity to teach their children. You can't control other people's behaviors. But if you let them know about your child you can also get to know which kids won't be receptive (based on the feedback you get from their parents). Kids act like their parents. You may get good support from the other parents too. Yes I would get my child evaluated for speech therapy. He is not too old and it will give him confidence as he has help outgrowing it. My son started at 3 and a half and still has speech issues at 11 but not severe. His is hereditary and he also has had some other related issues. Getting him therapy if they decide he needs it will only help him. Good luck to you.

Well, speaking from experience, my son had a few speech problems and so did my grandson, in the same way your son does. I will give you this advise and then let you make your own decisions. The problem is not serious, it has to do with tongue positioning and training the tongue for the positions. Yes, we understood him and so did other people but children are extremely heartless and rude to each other. No, it was not wrong of you to suggest to the other child his behavior was hurtful or inappropriate. You did the right thing speaking to him, in my opinion.

When my son started 1st grade the teacher asked me if it was all right to have the school therapist evaulate him for speech therapy. He had problems with a few letters. He used the w sound for r a lot and and slurred his s, c, and z sounds. He was in school speech therapy for two years and corrected the problem. My grandson had trouble with s, z, c, w, and l's. The school put my grandson in speech therapy at school as well.

You can have him evaluated, start him in speech therapy now, or wait until he starts school and inquire about therapy for him then. If you do it now it will speed up the process of him correcting the problem but I don't know if your insurance will help pay the bill. If you wait and have him evaulated when he starts school the school pays for the therapy as they have a speech therapist on the payroll and it is considered part of the normal school process. The choice is one for you and your husband to make. I wish I still had the lessons and practice sheets we used for my grandson so I could pass them on to you. I do remember standing in front of a mirror and making certain sounds so he could see where his was etc.

You and your son have my prayers.

It is hard to watch your children in situations as you have described. I have three college aged children and felt like I needed to be a momma bear many times. Sometimes I did, sometimes I did not. In looking back over the years I'd say let your child navigate this on his own. They need to speak up for themselves and build their own inner confidence.

As for the speech issue, my youngest daughter, who is now 18, had the same type of issue. We did start therapy with her elementary school speech therapist sometime around third grade. Therapy through school was a slow process and eventually we decided to get additional help outside of school covered by health insurance. By fifth grade she worked things out. Years later my daughter confided in me that her speech issue had made her very self conscious, shy and quiet. My advice would be to start as soon as possible. Good luck!

Hi, C.,

You've gotten lots of good advice - I agree, he will probably grow out of it, the L/W is very common substitution. When my son was two, he used to tell people his name was Tade. He substituted T for C. Then he would spell it for them, because he knew they weren't getting it! :) But, if it bothers you, it won't hurt to get him into speech therapy. Though it sounds like most of what he says is fine.

And UGH! Those little brats! You defintitely have every right to, and should, reprimand them. If it were at my house/yard, I would just look at them and say, "You need to go home now. In our house we treat each other with kindness and respect. Teasing is neither kind nor respectful. When you are ready to follow our rules, you may come back."

And last, I just wanted to share something about our experience with our son being teased (though I know it's probably not helpful for your circumstance)......

Our son is highly imaginative; always pretending things (and he is now 10). So he is definitely different from most kids his age who are always plopped down in front of stupid video games for hours at a time.

One day, when he was 6 years old, he was out playing with some neighbor children (older than him) and he was playing "Aliens" - a game he made up. The older children thought he was weird, and were making fun of him, telling him they saw an alien in the back yard so that he would run back there, (while they all laughed at him) and then telling him they saw one in the front yard so he'd run up there, and back and forth and so on..... He did not appear to understand they were making fun of him, which broke my heart and just made me want to protect him (talk about Mama Bear!).

My husband, also, was very upset, but he was upset with Cade for playing something "stupid" that would allow the others to tease him. Well, I told my husband in no uncertain terms that it was NOT stupid that he was using his imagination and being creative in making up a game, and he was not to say anything to Cade that would make him feel like he had done something wrong, or let him know the others were making fun of him.

So, he calmed himself down, but when our son came in, he did end up saying, "Cade, do you know when you play games that are different from the other kids, they might make fun of you?"

And Cade, wise beyond his years, and with a gentle, mature look on his face (like we were two years old and he had to explain something to us) gave us a big smile, and said, "Yes, I know. But, I don't really care what they think. I'M having fun! You know, Dad, you can't worry about what other people think about you."

I was so proud of him. And though kids still make fun of him, I know we have instilled in him a great sense of self esteem, and he will be just fine.

Blessings, J.

My son had issues with some initial consonant sounds at the same age and what I did was to work on them with him whenever we were driving around in the car and/or whenever we could.
You do not have to say anything about the teasing.....just do whatever is necessary to help him overcome this.
Why would you want him to be made fun of and not to speak correctly?
Evaluation would be good so that you would know what he needs and what to work on.
Thinking back I do recall that I did have someone evaluate my boy and I think she said that he would probably outgrow it but I chose to help him and it worked fine.
I saw enough children come into school when I was teaching first grade and KG with speech problems to know that I needed to help him before that time came around.

i completely understand the momma bear problem, but i think that if he doesn't know they are making fun of him don't bring it to his attention. just make sure he knows that if he ever feels bad about something he can come to you. i think it is fine to tellt he older boy not to make fun of your son, because he is old enough to know what he's doing and that it hurts people's feelings. i also think that you should bring it up nicely (or else you will get that mamma bear rearing it's ugly head) to his parent. that way she can talk to her son in a way he will understand.
now about the speach therapy. my sister had a very bad speach problem. it was so bad that my mom had to have me translate for her. but she was able to go into speach therapy and she speaks fine now. if you are able to undertand him and other people are able to understand him, i wouldn't go into a full therapy lesson. that would probably be a waste of your money. i would suggest getting some flash cards and just working on his "L" sounds. another way to practice making his mouth form the sound properly is to have him put a hreshey kiss on the roof of his mouth. then tell him to make the "L" sound without breaking the tip off the kiss. that will help him raise his pallette and lower is tounge enough to make words into an "L" instead of a "W".
hope this helps. sorry i know it's kind of long haha

My daughter has a similar problem only it's the letter R. even my aunt was picking on her once (said aunt ended up short 15 bucks cause she made my daughter CRY and felt bad so she gave her a 5 then my other kids got on her case so she gave them money too) But anyways it happens, it's not always meant to be mean but can still hurt. It is perfectly ok to teach your son to stick up for himself, but i wouldn't make a point of saying hey those kids were picking on you, let him stay oblivious for as long as he can, soon enough those words will sting. you also have every right to say something a child well old enough to know better. and even tell him he's not welcome in your yard.

My daughter is 6 and it hasn't improved on it's own though and she will be starting speech therapy. I wasn't concerned until she started reading and she can't even make the R sound you ask her how the letter R goes and you get W. So now it's a problem. If your son knows his letters at all give it a shot, can he even make the sound by itself? is it only some words or all words, like does it matter if the L is in the middle beginning or end of the word? if it's all around he just can't say it chances are he's going to need special help to learn and it would be better to do it before he got to school and had to deal with other kids.