Neighbor Stealing from Me...

My first thought when reading this is that your neighbor does charge you a small fee (and it sounds VERY small) for the services she renders for you. In some cultures, favors are done unasked, but there is an automatic assumption that the recipient will do something in return. It's a traditional means of building or strengthening community relationships, and of allowing poorer folks to "share the wealth" of those with more, even if modestly.

So I find myself wondering whether you've ever tried to find some material way to show your amazing neighbor your appreciation. If not, her taking things might be a small indication of resentment, or simply taking the "reciprocal" part of the transaction into her own hands. I'll bet that would stop if you were to give her some payment or gifts for her generosity.

If that's not comfortable for you, you can tell her that you don't want her favors. That may not endear you in the neighborhood, however.

wow, I totally applaud Peg for her comment. That is exactly what I was thinking. I am a 'foreigner' living in the States, and I deal with this 'entitlement' thing the entire time. I do favors left and right, and culturally, I expect sooner or later to be 'repaid' favors. Not repaid monetary, but hey a cup of coffee wouldn't hurt form time to time. Never happens. As if people expect to be helped out, treated well, yet so hard to do it for someone else. THAT leaves me bitter. Ha, i don't go stealing mittens but maybe that is exactly what this lady is doing.
She's done so much for you, she may think you're bosom friends and she can enjoy the little knick knack you have brought from the States. In fact, try to look at this situation from her eyes, Honduras is a poor country. Whatever the economic situation may be here, Americans are always looked upon as 'the rich nation.'
so, i suggest, next time either one of you takes a trip back to the States, grace her with gifts for her and family. After all, being lonely in a foreign country is the worse thing that could happen to you. You had this lady step up for you and your daughter. You didn't feel lonely and helpless right? She was there for you. I know, sucks that you had to see your mitten. Wish you didn't say anything to her. Really. If it were your diamond ring then yeah call the police, but a mitten??
BTW, i have moved quite a bit within the States, had twins, but never had a neighbor come ask me if i needed help.
L.

Just b/c she's helped you out does not give her the right to steal. Develop new relationships with other people so you are not depending on just her. I think you made the right decision to let it go. But set some bounderies so this doesn't continue. She actually made you second guess your own oven mit! Small thing but there's nothing worst than people playing on your intelligence and stealing from you on top of that!

I think Eliza gave great advice for handling anything that arises in the future. I am a little shocked at some mom's on here insinuating that it is ok for someone to steal from you because they are owed it. While I do agree that I am turned off by everyones sense of entitlement these days. I also think that we should do nice things for people out of the kindness of our hearts without expecting anything in return. Because isn't expecting something in turn the same thing as entitlement? Bottom line here stealing is not ok! Now having said that if you do value her friendship then I would keep doing what you are doing & just not leave her alone in your house or give her the keys for any reason. Hopefully that solves the problem!

Good Luck & God Bless!

Hi, I’m confused…are you in Marietta, GA or in Honduras?

Are you military?

If you are in Honduras, sounds like you have a pretty sweet deal…i.e. cleaning, cooking, babysitting?

I in NO way condone stealing of any type. However, some of the things you describe that are missing, oven mitts, Tupperware, could be transporting food she prepared for you. (She might have been embarrassed about the mitts…. you could put her at ease by simply saying; “Oh mine look just like that and I thought you might have needed them when you cooked for us at your house.”

If the relationship is important, I would sit and talk with her in a NON-confrontational way. Let her know how much you value her friendship and if she needs anything (if you and your husband are able), you will gladly help her.

Regarding the cloths for charity….If you were giving them to charity anyway, perhaps you should ask her if she would like to have them. When you next are ready to discard clothing or household items, ask if she could use them. She may have thought, “If they don’t want them, my family could use them.”

Get the honesty out there and let the chips fall where they may. Do NOT hold on to bitter feelings.

Blessings…..

K.,
I say try to let it go. It is just an oven mitt, and the clothes thing, It is still charity, if she needed it...but if you notice anything else that is yours in her house, I would treat it like you would with a child. Don't give her the opportunity to make up a lie or story. just say something like, "Oh there it is!, I was wondering where this went!, Next time you borrow something will you let me know so I don't go crazy looking for it?" and just laugh it off. She probably made up a story cause she didn't want you to be mad at her. If you value her, just forgive her and be more careful in the future.
Good luck
E.

i think is wrong to "borrow" somethng without asking for it and if something else is missing and i find it in her house i will just talk to her ,and about the clothes is there a way maybe she need it and maybe thats why she is using the clothers anyway you will donate .maybe you can ask her if she need some clothes or things you don't need and pass to them.

She sounds like a clepto(?) but you know what I mean if I misspelled it. It is a disorder that usually they have to go to a psych for. They steal little things here and there. Never anything of value.

I personally would let it go but I wouldn't let her in my house again. She'll just take something else. Even at a dinner party she'll pry take a little trinket.

It's a very interesting disorder and I've read alot of times it has to do with how they had nothing when they are little and they view you as having alot or your children as having alot and this is their reaction.

But I'd let it go and just not let her in anymore. If she needs to watch the kids let her do it at her house. Don't ask her over for dinner and most certainly don't give her a key. For that matter I'd change the locks just in case she made a copy or something which I know is unlikely but if it's something more serious you might consider it.

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