We have neighbors downstairs who have two small kids, around 5 and 6.
Our kids used to play together and we would chat with them when we saw each other outside.
Well these neighbors smoke outside right underneath our window and the smoke would come into our apartment. I was trying to ignore it because we live in such close quarters. But our apartment gets very hot and we dont have an AC so we pretty much have to have our windows open for air. but then when the smoke comes rolling in, me with my allergies and asthma, my oldest has both as well and my middle two have allergies, we all start hacking and sneezing and my stomach turns from the smell. i just cant stand it.
anyway, one hot saturday evening a couple of weeks ago i asked my husband to go over and ask them not to smoke right underneath our window so that we can get some fresh air. i understand that it can be a sensitive subject for some people (my mil smokes and gets mad when people tell her to stop) but when its your home its your home, you know?
so my husband kindly asked them to smoke away from the builiding because it is getting through the windows, and also reminded them that it is against the housing rules to smoke anywhere within 25 feet of the building, including on the porch.
they got upset with him and asked him if we and i quote, "considered closing our windows" and like i said, it was freakishly hot that day. then out of the anger, i suppose, they then continued to ask my husband if we were missing any screws. that was odd enough, they insinuated that our children put screws in their tires!!
this is ridiculous, because no we do not have screws that they can get to nor do we let them go out into the parking lot where we cant see them.
from that day on, they have been deliberately averting their eyes to us when we cross paths. and when myself or my kids say hi to them they ignore us and walk past as quickly as possible.
We have been smiling and kind to them even though they are not treating us this way and it is getting increasingly difficult.
should i just ignore them, or try to talk to them?
should i apologize for asking them not to smoke? (i really do not feel sorry about this)
as a social and loving person, i want to talk to them to clear up this mishap but i do not know what to say.
they dont even let their kids say hi to us! its gotten to be ridiculous.
PS we had other neighbors who smoked right next to the building who we asked to do it elsewhere and they are fine with us.
Smokers are some of the ruddest people when it comes to the health and well being of others. They are smoking outside cause they don't want the smoke in their own home. Talk to the wife explain about the health issues that the smoke irretates, and windows must be open for fresh air. If this does not work then go to the land lord. J.
I would go to them when they're outside and say that you're sorry that they were upset by your husband's request; that you'd like to clear the air; that you'd like to still be friendly. Say that you would like to explain why he asked them to smoke elsewhere and tell them about your asthma and allergies. Note: You're not saying you're sorry that you made the request. You're saying you're sorry that they are upset. A subtle but definite difference.
If they're still hostile then let it go. You'll have done your best.
Hopefully, they have moved locations. If not, I agree put a fan in your window and blow the air out. If you have an open window on the other side of the room, blowing air out will actually make your room cooler and the circulation will be better.
Perhaps they won't look at you now because they are embarrassed about the way that they reacted with your husband. give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that if you let them know that you're not upset that they'll be friendly again.
I'm not sure how to approach the neighbors, but I assume they are still smoking near your window so I would suggest, buying a window fan that has 2 small fans within the unit itself. Holms makes a good one and you can easily change the direction of the flow. In fact, you can have one fan blow in while the other blows out. At night (when the air is cooler), you can flip the switch and have both fans blow the air in, during the day or when they are smoking, have the air blowing out.
good luck.
I feel for you. My dad smoked. I had sinus problems my entire life until I left to go to college. In about 6 months my sinuses cleared up and I was amazed. I went home for the holidays and within 2 days I had my sinus problems again. Smoking killed my Grandmother, My grandfather, my father and my little brother. Second hand smoke killed my mother.
I have read some place that certain airborne chemicals makes the cigarette taste awful. The chemical process is activated by the burning end of the cigarette. I'm sorry, but I can't remember where I read it. I do remember it had to do with smoking cessation.
Recommendation: Go to your neighbors and apologize for the poor way your request was given to them (even if it wasn't done poorly). Apologize to them for your being alergic to cigarette smoke and tell them you still want to be friends. Don't ask them to stop smoking.
Buy a small window a/c. I bought a 5000 btu a/c at Home Depot for less than $100. Close the windows on the smoking side of the house. Let the a/c reduce the temperature.
Look on line for the chemicals I mentioned earlier. Use them as a last resort, and don't tell anyone. If someone is BBQing it will also activate the chemical and make a bad smell.
Good luck to you and yours.
Your Landlord may be able to designate an area as a non smoking zone. I don't know if it will be enforceable but since it is their property they can make rules to deal with this issue.
Some who smoke are quite arrogant. I mean I am a smoker and if you asked me I would oblige, especially when you have to leave your windows open However again, on the other side of the coin, it is their apartment and should be able to do as they wish. They pay rent just as you do. It would be like you going to your landlord and saying can you stop them from smoking.
He can't unless its a non-smoking building. I would definetly try and talk with them, apologize to them but explain about you and your childrens' asthma etc. If they are smoking outside, I can't see how it is reaching you. When the heat is high as well as the humidex, anyone with breathing problems would find it hard even without the smoke. You don't want to have neighbours' that are totally ignoring you because that only brings anomosity.
Try and explain your situation, if they dont'/won't oblige then perhaps you may have to buy and air-conditioner. Something that I truly believe that those with breathing problems need, especially if you are on inhibitors' etc.
I don't know how close their apt. is to yours', and when its hot, everything seems to cling in the air. Try and patch things up and again get an air conditioner just for your and your childrens' medical situation as well.
Good luck!!
they are probably smoking outside because that is the "right" thing to do in the first place. the way you worded it (i could be wrong) you said that you asked your husband to ask them not to smoke outside. i hope that's not what he actually said to them...if so, yeah i can see where they might get a little irritated. if he went to them in a friendly manner and asked politely if there was anywhere else they could do it besides right by your windows, then they shouldn't have had much of a problem with it. it probably has to do with delivery, nothing against your husband, but as a former smoker, whose friends used to all be smokers too, i mean, we are human. we smoke outside of our homes because of our kids, or because we don't want the smell in OUR homes. i don't see why they would take offense, especially if he explained that all of you have asthma/allergy issues.
be that as it may, maybe they just have attitude problems in general. i would just live and learn. if that's the way they are going to be, just let it go. if you leave them alone probably it will die down. also, is it possible to put a box fan in the window they are smoking by, and turn it to face outward, blowing the smoke away from the window instead of it coming straight in? box fans are pretty cheap, like $15. just a thought.
I would be angry if my neighbor asked me not to smoke outside. It would be like them asking you to keep your children inside becasue the are being too loud outside their windows. They are not smoking inside, or in your face and your request was becasue of you inconvenience to open the windows. If they were smoking in a common area (like the stairwell) then saying something would be justified. But to say, don't smoke outside, just seems unreasonable.
f you are not sorry, then you should not apologize and just accept that they are going to be angry. They were probably completely surprised by the request and if you guys had a good relationship. You probably could have made them aware that the smoke was creeping into the open windows and together worked out a solution.
Since these are your neighbors I would try to mend fences. Most smokers feel smoking outside is the least offensive place to do so. Maybe approach them and say you're sorry that you offended them, but the smoke coming into your house is really bothersome, and maybe you can all come up with a better alternative? get some window fans, and when they are outside smoking you can reverse the fan to blow air out? Sometimes its good to do that just to get the hot stale air out of your house.
With all the facts everyone knows about with smoking nowadays it is not ok to smoke even outside, (sorry to say smokers but you know it's true!). In most office building they don't even permit you to smoke on property anymore let alone right outside the doors. What your neighbor should do is smoke across the street, away from other people and children. This is coming from a person who has a cigarette every now and then. And so you don't have to breathe it in your windows maybe you can invest in a cheap air conditioner if it's that hot or even get a fan and when she smokes point it at the window. I know it's sound ridiculous but your only other choice if you don't like it would be moving. Good luck with them they sound like a handful.
Since they are your neighbors, I would explain your request and clarify just why your husband made it in the first place. If they are decent people, they will cooperate. If they don't understand, they are basically just jerks and you've done yourself a favor by purging them from your lives.
As a smoker myself ( a quite considerate O.) ....they are smoking OUTSIDE. You asked them not to smoke outside. Huh??? Where, exactly, are they supposed to smoke? Seriously, I understand totally your concern and asthma and allergies. But they were outside which is about our only choice these days--everywhere.
Personally, I am growing weary of being treated like some kind of leper that has to go 20' from the front of a building, etc. etc, etc. But I know this is not a smokers vs. non-smokers debate....
Find out if there's a neighborhood mediation office near you.
For me, because this is a rough situation.
I would have not said anything to them. I would have gotten a few lounge chairs and put them in the yard or near the drive and I would go outside and sit and get some sun and I would have offered to them to please feel free to sit and enjoy themselves, in hopes of getting them to leave from
the stop that they were smoking at.
But
Now they are mad and they will be smoking more now then ever before.
I think that you will just have to wait this storm out.
I am sorry for how they are acting. Because of
their nasty atitude, I wouldn't want my kids playing with or around them.
Pray hard that they stop acting like this.
If this gets worse, go to your Dr. and get a medical note and take it to your landlord and let him speak to them and have them move from under your windows. Explain to the landlord that you and your husband asked them to please move but they got mad and refuse to talk to you.
If I was you I would write everything they say and do down in a notebook, starting from the day that your husband spoke to them about the smoking and the thing about the tires - WRITE IT ALL DOWN.
Good luck.
Smoker's are always imposing themselves on others in this way. I was at the pool 2 days ago with my kids and there were lots of kids there. I smelled cigarette & looked around to see where is was coming from because I could only see mother's of young children there. It was a very pregnant woman!! My neighbor's smoke outside too. I have to walk by them with the kids just to get in. I'm considering approaching the property's management to have smoking kept at a certain distance from the buildings. There's such a rule for grilling. It is hard to talk to people about when their smoking imposes on your life. Especially because we shouldn't have to ask these things! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I see both sides, as a former and sometimes relapsed smoker, and as a mom who doesn't want it around my kid. I wouldn't want it inside my house either.
Not ALL smokers are rude and imposing. Just like not all non-smokers are rude and imposing, ladies. I was always a very courteous smoker. I understand not everyone wants to be around it. But the outside is the outside. You don't say where they smoke, but I am guessing thier patio or something. It isn't really reasonable to expect them to find somewhere else unless they are going in a common area and could just as easily move over 10 feet. If that is the case, they should, I agree.
My suggestion is the fan also. Put a fan in your window blowing out. Also, you could try to work with them on the issue. Is the area set up in a way that you could provide them with a fan also that will blow the smoke in a different direction? I would have tried to find a "move around to a different spot" solution to begin with. Gone down and said, hey, here is what is going on, can we try something and see if rearranging helps? Then have one person stand upstairs and direct them. I would talk to them, don't apologize if you aren't sorry, but just explain and try to make amends and work with them.
As as side note to everyone who hates the smokers being outside of buildings- part of why smokers smoke outside the doors is because that is where the ashtrays are. If businesses provided ashtrays further away, that would be where most of them smoked. And people don't realize that walking across that parking lot in a city to get to those doors makes you breathe in more carcinogens than the seconds it takes to pass through them.
Report them to the Housing association.
Next, can they smoke in their own home? Or is this not allowed either?
No matter what, they are breaking the housing rules.
its not your fault.
And you have health problems... asthma and allergies and your kids too.
Maybe get a Doctor's note, and show it to them.
If their smoke makes your health conditions worse... then, maybe present them with a bill for costs?
Document everything, just in case.
No, you should not have to apologize to them. Not at all.
To me, your health is paramount. Do they KNOW you have asthma and your kids health is impaired too?
TELL them that.
I've never been a smoke, and I used to not really mind when people smoked around me - especially if I was in a bar or a place that it was common, and I chose to be there.
Then, (2 years ago tomorrow), I was diagnosed with cancer. Now, the simple act of someone smoking outside the office building's door that I have no choice to go in or out drives me crazy. Being in my car and having smoke come through the ventilation scares me (there are a LOT of smokers in Indiana).
I don't think that most smokers realize exactly the lengths to which their habit affects other people. This is a tough situation, though, because you're not the property owners, and though you've been there longer, they're really not doing anything they shouldn't be doing. I don't think it's wrong that your husband asked them to move elsewhere, but it does sound like they're being very immature in how they are handling it.
If you're comfortable saying something, it can't hurt. Just don't have false expectations that it will have a dramatic impact.
Good luck. I hope you get some quick resolution.
