i want to preface this with a note. i don't want people telling me how awful cio is for my child or anything like that. i'm just seeking some support here.
Tonight is the first time i've really tried the cry it out method with my daughter. she's almost 2 and is not sleeping more than 2.5 hours at a time currently, and i'm at my wits end. she's currently in her room crying. i know she doesn't need anything and is fine. but its soo hard. my boyfriend is primarly taking care of this because its killing me. i'm sitting here crying to listen to her cry. but i know this is what we have to try, because nothing else is working. just looking for some support telling me this is ok... and it will get better. thank you momma's you're such a wonderful resource to have
**EDIT** I did talk to her doctor this morning about it, and that is what led to us trying the CIO tonight. he said everything is fine with her. she's growing right, and gaining weight and everything. so this is purely a behavioral thing. probably. and crying and throwing up will not hurt her. but if the behavior modification doesn't work in a month or two, they will order a sleep study.
so... about an hour later and no sound from her room. she fell asleep. we can't go check on her though cause she's sleeping right in front of hte door. but she's ok. i hope she sleeps the whole night. if not, we will have to do this again after she wakes up... but i think this will help. thank you momma's so much for support. that's what i needed to occupy my mind while she cried, and to reassure me that i'm not a bad mom for having to do this now. its so different when you're no longer a "Single" mom. lol.
*ADD*
she slept 4 hours straight after crying herself to sleep. only woke up a few times last night, but never came out of her room. and was up for good at 5:45. i can deal with getting up early if she sleeps. hopefully her dad will do the same at his house (she is going there for thanksgiving). I can see this already is going to work.
It will work, and now that you've started it, you need to finish it. To stop in the middle of the stream will confuse her. It will be a tough 3 or 4 nights and then zzzzzzzzzzzz..........
Hang tough. Comfort but don't pick up, don't talk to her, keep lights very low.
It will get so much better! You'll be a better mom and she'll be a better kid when she's more rested. At this age it isn't about being an unknowing infant - she's throwing a tantrum. She'll be totally fine, and so will you.
Good luck - and you'll get no negativity from me on this one!
As a mom you know what your kid needs and at this point she does not need a zillions reassurances or crutches to sleep.
She needs to go to bed.
She needs to close her eyes and fall asleep.
She needs to stay in her bed all night.
Period.
I've done CIO with both of my kids but around 6-8 months. At 2 years old it is a harder habit to break so expect a TON of resistance for at least a week. Tomorrow night might be hell - she may cry louder, because she's trying to get you to come back in and rescue her. Stick to your guns and do NOT go in. She does not need you; she needs to sleep.
Your child will be fine. You are giving her the gift of uninterrupted blocks of sleep which she so desperately needs for proper growth and development. Stay consistent with your technique and routine.
Hang in there - the two of you will make it :)
Sleep is what she needs and you're doing what's best for her. Two and half hours of sleep is not healthy for her or you. Maybe you should go out for a drive or go into a room where you can't hear her while your boyfriend does the hard part if he doesn't mind. Expect it to take several days before bedtime is not a battle. When you're trying to extinguish a behavior sometimes it gets worse before it gets better so don't give up.
Good job Momma! CIO is not for every situation but it sounds like you used it wisely! You can feel good about helping your daughter into a normal sleep cycle and she will be happier and healthier because of it!
I know how rough that can be...been there, done that, got the T-shirt. ;)
I would only let her cry for short times, no more than 15 minutes, and than go in and comfort. Put her in bed/make her stay, but hug her to help her calm, than remind her it is time for bed. Or even just call from outside the room that mommie loves her, but that she had to go to bed now, so she knows you are not leaving her, but that she has to sleep at sleeping time. I can not image a 2 year old only sleeping that much at a time, both of my boys slept through the night before 2 months. I used a modified version of CIO, only letting them fuss up to 5 minutes, but they were much younger, so i think it is ok to let your daughter cry for longer periods of time.
I had a really hard time with CIO too. My son is almost 2 and was waking a lot a night. Not quite as much as your daughter, but enough that I never felt rested (and I don't think he did either). We sorta stumbled on this by accident. My son became really constipated for a couple of days, so we stopped giving him milk. He started sleeping through the night. We started giving him milk gain during the day, but not with dinner or at night and he still sleeps through the night. We are trying to get him switched to soy milk now. If you've tried everything else, you may want to try removing milk for a couple of days and see if it makes a difference.
You can help your daughter thru this by being just a smidgen more stubborn than she is -- And it will be more painful for you than it is for her. Trust me. She might be the one doing CIO but you are the one really being put thru the wringer.
Seriously, quality sleep is something we all need for good health and growth. A newborn sleeping 2.5 hrs at a time is one thing but a 2 year old physically needs longer sustained sleep.
Know that the child that gets thru this in 1-2 nights is rare. A week might be more normal. Remember to watch that clock. Crying for 2 minutes and then checking (minimal talking and no re-hugging or kissing). Then try letting it go 5 minutes. Then 10. Then 12. I know...The minutes tick by so slowly and it feels like you are not making any progress.
We tried a modified CIO at 9 months and maybe because he wasn't old enough to be as stubborn and verbal as a 2 yr old, he was settling himself down and sleeping thru after 3-4 nights. My boys are both Olympic champion sleepers now and I truly believe this has contributed to their physical health and their mental and emotional growth.
Yes, it is hard, and yes, you and your daughter will be perfectly fine....better than fine- you will both be getting the sleep you desperately need! Like you said- she doesn't need anything...but sleep, maybe!!! At 2, she should be sleeping through the night. If you listen, you can hear the difference between pissed and panicked...pissed off is easy to handle, and if you feel she has crossed the line into panicked- go get her, and don't feel bad about it. The hubbs & I were just talking about this, and when I went back to work after my 1st born, nights and weekends, my hubby saw that she really needed/wanted to sleep, so keeping her up until I got home was doing more harm than good. So on the advice of my mom, he let her cio for an hour. The deal was, if she went longer than an hour, he would go get her- but she never went that long. The crying was mostly off and on, and I know hubby would have gone to her if the cry was one of those panicked cries. Babies need to learn to self-soothe, and sometimes crying and fussing is a part of that- don't let others make you think you are scarring your child for life- you know your baby and yourself and you will do what you need to do. At her age, you should create a bedtime routine that is low-key, loving, like stories, singing songs, but that is firm too- "okay, now it's time for bed, goodnight, I love you" aaaand done. Kids will push it to the limit- why not? It's their job! So you have to set the limit, in a loving way, so she and you can get the sleep you need. Good luck, and have a good night's sleep!!!
It is so tough to listen to your child cry, I know. Dont worry everything is going to be just fine. Its wonderful you have a supportive boyfriend to help you through this, so use the time while you have it to distract yourself, go for a walk, or take a bath and listen to some music. He is taking care of it, so go take a breather.
The cio method is really hard, on the child, and on the parent too. I recently bought the "No cry sleep soloution" and I have to tell you it is amazing. It really has helped us with our little guy. He is sleeping much better, and we are less stressed for it.
Maybe you need a new sleep routine too. Make the last hour before bed a quieter, more relaxing one for all. Try writing down what your routine is now/ Like what time dinner is, what you do after, what time bed, then what times she is waking up. Do it for a few days and adjust accordingly. You will be surprised what you see.
Good luck!
Some mama's would be horrified to learn that we did CIO with my son as well. The first time I let him cry it was for almost 2 hours. It was awful. I was just like you,crying while he cried. Going in and calming him down, rubbing his back, talking gently to him...he would settle and I would leave and the crying started again! I felt like the worst mother. But, I knew he wasn't hungry, hot, cold, dirty, wet...he just didn't want to go to bed and it was late!! The second night he cried for 45 minutes and the third he was asleep within 10. After that it was a lot better. My son was about your daughter's age as well.
Set up a bedtime routine (for us it was songs and a story while I cuddled him. Then nursing or bottle, burping, and then bed. I think if she knows what to expect it may be a bit easier.
She will figure it out, she will not have any kind of long term affect, she will be fine mama! My son is now 8 and he has been sleeping in his room, on his own, no issues for almost 6 years now!!
L.
Wow -that's a long time to go without a night of uninterrupted sleep! It's truly horrible to listen to your child cry, but I agree with the others who said to go take a walk or run an errand or something. I've never really used CIO because I didn't have to, and I know I'm really lucky! If I had been trying to get one of mine to sleep through the night for 2 years, I would try just about anything too! The most I ever had to let one of mine cry was about 5 minutes -and it was difficult, so I know if it's going on for awhile it's gut-wrenching. Just one thing -I'm sure you probably have -but have you discussed this with her doctor? I do know several kids who are like this and have never slept through the night even by 2 or almost 3 and have no problems, but make sure everything is in good shape health-wise with her too!
You are doing the right thing. I have difficulty with CIO too but with my youngest, it was really the only thing that worked. She still wakes up at least once a night but that is so much better than where we were.
I think you are smart to do this now than when she is four and still having a difficult time finding sleep.
Stay strong! You can do this.
HANG IN THERE!!! CIO does work but you have to be strong. Kids behaviors can be so hard to change. Think long term and how this will benefit everyone in the long run. Don't give up!!
Ah, this is hard! I'm not a big fan of cio, but there were several times when my son was younger that I just had to, because nothing else worked! It killed me though.
Rest assured, your daughter will be just fine in the morning (though maybe a little sleepy the first couple of days! :-)). My son was always his normal happy self the next day, no matter how awful the shrieking and complaining was the night before.
If nothing else is working, stick with it. It will get better!
Good luck!
C.
By the third night she won't even cry...just right to bed. She will be fine...my son was 16 months before I tried the Ferber method. He just isn't much of a sleeper, but it helped tremendously.
Hang in there Mama...you will get through it!!
Well....how'd your night go? I had to help my oldest with the CIO method and it was hard, hard, HARD! But, it worked. She was a lot younger than your daughter is, but it was still hard to do. However, now years later my kids are the best sleepers of anyone I know.
Hope all works out for you and you get a full night of sleep soon, if you haven't already last night!
You are definitely doing the right thing. Sleep is so important and she is more than old enough to be sleeping through the night. I give you credit for toughing it out this long--my goodness 2 years and you are still getting up every 2-3 hours, how do you function, lol! She will be totally fine and this is not going to harm her. Just be consistent and do not give in whatever you do. This will be over in a few nights and then you can all get some much needed rest. Hang in there!
Could someone please tell me what CIO stands for?????????
EDIT - Okay, now that I know what CIO means, I can answer your question! I assume your pediatrician ruled out acid reflux? If your toddler is crying a painful cry (I'm sure you can tell if it's a painful cry or not), then it might be acid reflux.
Otherwise:
1) Make sure your toddler has a good, healthy dinner before bed.
2) Make sure your toddler's room is at a comfortable temperature (not too hot, and not too cold)
3) Make sure your toddler's room is totally quiet.
4) Make sure your toddler's room is pitch dark. good luck
Great job, just keep it up and don't give in after one night. It will take a few days, so just hang with it.
She'll be fine. You just have to stay consistant and don't be wishy washy about it.
Best wishes!
Take a drive around the block or go rent some videos.... leave the house for a few and when you come back she will probably be sound asleep. Listening is torturing yourself.
I feel bad for you. It's not just the CIO but you are tired too. Makes it harder then of course the hormones. Hang in there and get some rest.
