Needing Harmony in the Home

Hang in! He's three! :)

I know you mentioned that nothing has changed in your life, but that doesn't mean he doesn't perceive things to have changed. You mentioned that your daughter is getting a lot of attention for "firsts". Remember, he is at the age where he has NO idea of delayed gratification. He cannot rationalize at this age the idea that "she is getting the attention now, but I will get quality time later on with mom and dad". That doesn't work for him. Now now now.

I do think you were perceptive to have picked up on this. I say continue with the rewards, with the reminders to go to the bathroom. He isn't lazy, he is just absorbed in activities. Remember, that a lot of labels become self fulfilling prophecies. I wouldn't "punish" him by taking things away from him. I just think this can delay potty learning and set you guys up for an even longer process.

Involve him in the cleaning up process. Taking soiled clothes to the wash machine, wiping up the floor if there is a mess...not as punishment, just as a natural consequence.

As far as hitting his sister, etc....I don't know if he is too young for a reward system. Maybe every day that he doesn't hit, he gets a sticker on a board. That might be enough for him or you can let him pick out a small toy if he has 3 stickers in a row.

I would simply state the rule to him "no hitting" and redirect. I don't know what you do in your house for consequences. If he enjoys playing with her and hits, maybe he should spend a few minutes playing alone. You could say something like "I see you need some time to yourself" and set him up in a different room doing another activity.

I wouldn't spend too much time talking about being sorry or how it makes his sister feel...kids don't have empathy until about age 6. You can state that hitting hurts, but I would revisit that later during a quiet time, maybe bath time when all is calm and you guys can talk about it.

At the time, state the rule "no hitting" (whatever you choose to say) and have a consequence (redirect, time-out...whatever you think works for your family)...

And again, hang in! He's three!

It will get better. I have a four year old daughter and she still has accidents every once in awhile. Our pediatrician said that it isn't uncommon for kids to have accidents up to age 5- especially overnight. One thing that helped us get over the bedtime hurdle was to take her to the bathroom right before we go to bed. I pick her up, take her jammies off and put her on the toilet half-asleep. She does her thing, and I wipe her, fix her jammies, wash her hands, and bring her back to bed. Believe it or not, she goes right back to sleep without a problem! We went through a rough patch a month or two before she turned 4. She was having a ton of accidents at night and still having accidents during the day. She was wearing undies at night because when she wears pull-ups she won't bother to go to the bathroom (no incentive, I guess). I went and bought pull-ups and told her the next time she had an accident we were going to have to start using the pull-ups at night. It wasn't as a punishment or anything, but going into Winter in MN, that's a lot of blankets to wash!! I simply couldn't keep up with the laundry. Guess what? I never had to use the pull-ups (we had used them originally- it wasn't a new concept).

I honestly think that kids go through phases with potty training. It is absolutely frustrating, but he'll get there when he's ready. So, here are my suggestions- Take him to the bathroom right before you go to bed (even if that is really late, and if he is wet, try to adjust the time a little for the next day). Continue to have him do as much as possible to clean himself up. Don't make it into a big production. Just tell him to take his pants off (or help him), and hand him the wipes, then have him get himself dressed and put the dirty stuff in the laundry room. Walk away so he isn't getting attention if possible. No punishment, no taking away privileges. Remind him throughout the day (often) that if he needs to go potty to let you know- and ask him if he needs to go potty often. Sometimes they are so busy that they don't even think about it. The older he gets, the better he will get at holding it, and recognizing when he needs to go. Start a sticker chart back up - give him a sticker for every time he goes, and every time he wakes up dry. Then give him a small wrapped prize after he gets to a certain number of stickers. Most kids are so thrilled to pick/receive a prize! (I got ones from the Target dollar bins, stickers, a hot wheel car, little dollar store kind of stuff) You may have to do that a few months before he is doing well enough to stop. That's all I can think of for now, but there are two books I used that I thought were great- The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Potty Training Problems (Schonwald and Sheldon), and The Potty Training Answer Book-Practical Answers to the Top 200 Questions Parents Ask (Deerwester).

Good luck! It's all totally normal (even the biting- kids have their jealous moments just like adults do- it just comes out differently). He'll get over this hump. I hope this helps!

I have a hunch that if you just put some pullups on him permanently for awhile, and not make the potty thing an issue that will give him the power to decide something in his little life. The choice to walk around uncomfortable or not...And even though you give him a lot of attention for everything else, he is getting tons of attention from this issue. As you know, it is really uncomfortable to be walking around in things like diapers (I never even liked sanitary napkins!ick, ick) and it gets cold and uncomfortable when you are wet. I truthfully havent seen any children in elementary schools who still wear diapers because other kids would send them out the door with their laughter (kids are cruel-next chapter). You are doing a wonderful job, you just have a little tunnel to get through. As time goes on and little sis isnt as important in his mind when he starts his other life adventures - sports or arts, this will be so past, so just hang in there, there is really nothing compared to torturous threes until twisted teenhood. ikes!!

IF Its just peeing accidents i would wonder bladder infection. does he complain of pain when he goes bladder infections make it hurt to pee

i went thru the hitting and biting with my son on his sister. it didnt start until she was trying to stand and walk and crawl which seemed to be all at once..lol. he didnt seem to like the fact she was now mobile and after his stuff or getting attention for doing what she was doing. it took a while but i had a small chair that was kid sized that was used as a time out chair or a thinking chair. he would sit in it for 2 minutes(which is a life time for a 2 yr old) and then could get out once the timer was up. he broke that timer btw...so i ended up getting one of the old egg timers that looks like an hr glass...he use to sit there quietly and turn it over for the number of times he was suppose to. the potty thing is a phase, it could be his way of trying to gain some control that he thinks he has loss. at the age of 2 they are trying to see what choices they have and don't have. like all the other mom's have said. have help with the clean up, try pull ups during the day for a few days, if it feels like a diaper he might decide he likes the potty thing after all. sometimes just explaining to him when he first gets up and dressed that if he has an accident that you will put him in a pull up might be enough incentive to try harder.