Needing Bedtime Advice

I downloaded some classical music, violin works best for my kids, and bought a small dimly lit water fountain. we installed a shelf where we sat a sterio and the fountain in the kids room where they were totally visable,and every night my kids were soothed to sleep with their night night music and the gentle light and water from the fountain. This worked very well, and bedtime became so very simple.

Do you think something is bothering her emotionally, bad dreams, separation from you, a change in your household, a physical ailment?

I loved the book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I know your little girl is older-- but give it a shot. You can get it free from the public library. It helps parents understand the little one's emotional and physical needs and help the little one get to sleep and stay asleep without drastic solutions that hurt the child and the parent-- a real sanity saver. It should be awesome for you since you have a routine already.

The other thing is... kids just go through phases!! Hang in there!

K., librarian and working mother to a loving, beautiful and extremely, um, self-sufficient five year old

Cheer up L.! There is a solution. The last two sentences in your request gave away the solution the moment I read them. Very simple to do, maybe a bit irritating at first but you are the mom, the stronger of the two, and will get through it.

I love your routine of lunch then naptime for a couple hours. That was my routine the entire time I worked in daycare teaching 2 yr olds, also when i had daycare in my home and as much as possible with my own children.

Cut down the naptime. Put her down immediately after she finishes her lunch. Normally at this age they are asleep within 15 minutes. From the time she actually falls asleep until an hour and half later, allow her to sleep peacefully. THen awaken her! Yes, do it gently with excitement in your voice suggesting something like, "It's snack time!" And then you keep her active so she will remain awake until the 8 o'clock bed hour!

I had to do with several children and it worked like a charm. Sure some awaken a bit cranky, but they get over it quickly if the parent remains calm and unaffected by the whining. As soon as they begin to munch on the snack they will cheer up. I promise it works! By 8 p.m. she'll be ready to sleep once again and will fall into it quickly without headaches for you.

Good Luck! And please keep a positive thought with whatever you are doing for your baby girl. The time flies so quickly by us. Those moments of singing them sleep, rocking them, snuggling them and reading to them fall by the wayside much sooner than we want them to do so. Usually that is brought on by growth and maturing, but also by the behavior of the parents at bedtime.

God Bless You and your fmly.

Cut her day time naps shorter and let her stay up a extra half an hour or so (maybe start you rroutine a bit later). she may still night but not as hard. It is a phase it will pass I promise. She is just getting older and her routine must change as you do this. Good Luck. ps when my kids routines had to change i had to lay in thier bed with them for about a half an hour to start with maybe she willlet you lat down with her for a few minutes as well.

I hate to say it, but you are going to have to get used to hearing her cry for a couple of weeks. She needs to learn to comfort herself and go to sleep on her own. Here is what I did for mine, but they were younger and still in their cribs. First, make sure she is tired but not too tired. Have a set routine of baths, stories, prayers, etc. No TV! That will keep her up. Put her in her bed and sit next to her bed. Don't look at her or talk to her after you've told her goodnight. If she gets out, put her back in. Have you and your husband alternate doing this every 15 or 20 minutes so neither of you gets frustrated. After about a week, move a little farther from her bed but still in her room so that she can see you. Again no talking or looking at her. After another week or so, move to the door. Hopefully by then she will be okay. Remember the point is to have her learn to fall asleep.

Also, don't be surprised if you have to redo this when the baby is born, but it will be easier the second time.

We've been going through a similar problem with my 2.5 year old son. One thing we've discovered is that he's just not tired enough at bedtime. He really doesn't want to nap anymore. On the days we let him stay awake (almost always now) he goes to bed earlier (7:30) and much easier. Otherwise, if he naps it's 10 before he falls asleep after a battle! So, instead of a nap we allow him to lie down on the couch and watch a movie. Other than Sesame St., that's pretty much his only TV time for the day.

The second thing that has worked for us is to gradually move ourselves farther away. First, we started laying down in his floor instead of the bed. Then, we moved to a chair just outside his door where he could see us. Now we're sitting in a chair where he can't see us, but can still hear us. Hopefully soon we can get rid of that. It's not easy, but not as hard as I thought either. Good luck.

Hi L.,

First, up to a three hour nap is too long. Try waking her up after an hour or so. Second, at bedtime, explain to her that she is old enough to go to bed by herself. If she cries, LET HER! My son was about that age when he got his "big boy bed". I did the same thing you are doing. He was my first child. The first night he cried for a solid two hours. The next night, five minutes. After that, he went right to sleep every night. The doctor told me to let him cry. They eventually learn how to get themselves to sleep. It may take several nights, or longer. Each child is different. Tell your husband to get earplugs! :)

As for the baby-to-come, don't fall into the same routine. Put the baby to bed and leave. As long as the baby has a clean diaper, has been fed, and is not having pain issues, crying will not harm him or her. (Good exercise for the lungs.) I am a mother of three and grandmother of 5, with another due next week. I've been there, done that!! Good luck, dear!

L.,
You might start preparing her for the approaching sibling as her present behavior might REALLY kick into gear when he arrives. Try the old "we need to get you bigger to help take care of brother when he gets here". Build up the "BIG sister" aspect and that sleep helps her grow BIG and strong and how she will need to teach this to her brother. Big girls don't cry at bedtime...they say their prayers, lay down and start growing big, big to help Mommy. Good luck and God bless.
Annettr

Well, I wish I had advice, because we are doing the same thing but she's 5 1/2 years old. We started doing it when she got her toddler bed at 2 years old, and my husband doesn't have a problem with it, but I do. We take turns doing it, but I don't like it. I feel the way you do, that I could be getting things done, spending time with hubby, etc. When hubby does it, a lot of the time he falls asleep in there, so we have no time together. I have tried all the different methods, and nothing has worked. She cries for over an hour if we don't do it. We got a puppy, and that worked for one night, but the puppy died of parvo and we have to wait 5 months to get another one. But please try to nip this in the bud before she turns 5 like my daughter. Maybe rewards will work? Plus, my daughter takes forever to get to sleep. It used to be 1-2 hours we would have to lie with her...now it's just 30 min to an hour. Still...way to long. I'm always jealous of watching t.v. shows where the mom or dad reads a book and the child falls asleep, even with a bright light on! Ha! Will never happen in my house!

L.

I would cut down the time that she naps in the afternoon. Try to have some sort of activity that will keep her busy during the afternoon, basically get her tired again.

Keep the evening routine the same - bath, snack, reading together, maybe give her 10-15 minutes of reading on her own time (I know she can't read now, but looking a picture book - my boys- 15,13,10&8- even now spend 15-20 minutes reading before lights out - a great habit to get into.)

She needs to learn to put herself to sleep and I'm afraid that is going to involve lots of crying over a couple of weeks and you and your husband are going to have to endure the pain. (I had a friend that was still lying down with her girls to get then to sleep when they were 10 and 8 - you don't want that to happen - habit only broken when she spent 10 days in hospital.)

Let her cry, whine. Every 10 minutes or so put her back in her bed - don't speak to her. Say goodnight and leave the room. If she is leaving her room you may want to consider putting stairgate across door - it won't hurt her and it won't last forever. She will learn and it will take time.

My best piece of advice - don't make the same mistake with the new baby.

Good luck.

I agree that the nap might be the issue. That was the age that my daughter started having problems at bedtime, too. We started with limiting her naps and ended up realizing that she was ready to cut her nap out completely. Since we did that, bedtime was almost immediately easier. During the transition time when we dropped the nap, we did have to move her bedtime earlier, but after a month or so, she was ready to move back to her normal bedtime.

There are still many days that she needs quiet time in the afternoon. We just make a comfortable spot on the couch and give her books to read or a quiet video to watch. That's usually all it takes to keep her reasonably happy for the rest of the evening.

Lord knows i am no expert but if my little boy had taken a 1 1/2 nap when he was 2 1/2 he would have been up until 11:00. It could just be that she is getting a bit older. Try shortening her nap or letting her stay up a bit later, maybe then the bedtime ritual will still be quick and easy. After all, they do change their habits constantly and sometimes we have to make some changes with them. Good luck and god bless!

Your routine is fine, but not for a two year old. She needs physical playtime to tirer herself out. She is to hyper and will continue to fight you as she gets older. I suggest time running, riding or climbing up and down a toy or something at the park thats age appropriate or walking were she has to do the walking herself. This should be added before your down time for bed. This will makes her physically work her muscles. She will be tire and ready for bed without a fuss. During your regular routine, she may go to sleep in the middle of your book time with her. If this should happen, it's because her body is ready. Her mind is sending signals to her body that it is time to rest and not play. The bottomline is she needs to be physically tire in order to fall asleep. It will be the same as she gets older. You need to add some physical activity in your routine. Good luck!