Needing Advice on My NON-INTERESTED 3Rd Grader

I have a daughter who is repeating 3rd grade this year and I know what you are going through. I cannot help you with making school interesting for him but I do have a suggestion for homework.
My husband and I have found that if you give her an incentive or reward program then she gets homework done without a problem. What works for us is every year we go and get inexpensive gifts, wrap them and put them in a goodie bag.
If she wants a prize out of her goodie bag it is up to her to do her homework without a problem.
When we first started it was a nightly prize, now she does so well we give her 1 prize a week.

My sister was a teacher/tutor for Sylvan and they used lots of "props" for their math work. I would bet you that if you're wanting to help him at home, you could go to some of the teaching supply stores and get some ideas. I now she had tons of shapes, flashcards and I think even used food like beans, pasta, etc. to try to drive home some of the division. I don't know much about it, but I'll see if she has any suggestions.

Hi. I don't have any advice to impart personally (my 4 year old son is just starting 4-year Pre-K this month) BUT my sister is a 5th grade teacher. Let me see if she might have any suggestions.

Welcome to GA. We hope you love it here. Best Wishes, C.

I'm a grandma of four now....but I remember when my son was at that age, and he also hated school. We moved, and the teacher (and the interest she took in him) really did make a difference. Hopefully, this new school will be a fresh start for your son, also.

We did have him tested by a psychologist for ADD without hyperactivity (because we knew he wasn't hyperactive) .... but the psychologist told us that he was just "all boy" and didn't like school....it was that simple.

(by way of encouragement, he's now working on a graduate degree in Geology!)

Do talk with the teacher privately ahead of time, and let her know that you're a parent who wants to work with her (so many parents are so stressed out or busy that they don't have time to work much with teachers....) If you guys can set it up so that your son enjoys this new classroom experience, maybe he'll do better. Hopefully, he can also view this as a new beginning.

I know that your time is at a premium with your job and the other kids, too......so don't beat yourself up when you don't have the time to spend a lot of one-on-one with him on school work....but some of the ideas that folks have shared, about using objects (food, etc.) to do math problems are really good ideas.

Also, if you guys are in a church or something, you might look around for a teenage boy (a positive role model) who would like to come over (for babysitter's wages) and spend a couple of hours with your son each week.....first working on school work, and then spending some time outside, shooting baskets or something....after the school work is completed.

I know several other people have suggested professional tutoring...and that is great, if you can afford it....but it might be that having an older boy (or even a teen girl, if you can't find a boy) that he looks up to, who would take some time with him....and who would let him know that it's VERY COOL when he does his best and completes his school work.....would also make a difference for him. (And it wouldn't be as expensive as a professional tutor.)

He could also save the best school papers in a folder to show to his dad when he gets home after a long time away. (And make sure your husband knows that no matter what's wrong with them....if they've been completed, then they need to be celebrated!!!)

It's a tough time....I remember. But the main thing is that he knows you love him just as he is....no matter what....and you want him to do well in school, not to just please you...but to make things better for himself.

I'll say a prayer for your strength and encouragement....and for your husband, too.

R.,

I feel for you. I have been trying to get my son to do things all summer. I even took him to the library and checked out books that he wanted and I still couldn't get him to read. I tried to get him to write a letter to one of his buddies in IL because that is where we moved from to Olive Branch,MS. People tell me it is a boy thing but I'm not willing to except that.

Try talking to the teachers at the school or maybe the school counselor. They might have ideas or maybe something is bothering him that he could talk to the counselor that would help him step it up a bit.

Jen

have you tried letting him do things on the computer pertaing to his school work there is also lots free games that he can play that teach math reading basically all the subjects on the internet. my son loves it and it keeps him entertained and there very educational

Hi R. -
I am a school counselor and former third grade teacher in Atlanta, and my advice is - go to the school and meet with his school counselor. Let him/her know about the reasons your son repeated a grade (was he struggling academcially? socially? is he just young?). Your son may hate school for many different reasons, and helping him get over that will depend on what those reasons are. If he hates school b/c he is struggling academically, he may need academic testing to discover his strengths/weaknesses so a plan can be made to help him. There are many things the school can do to help ease his transition - too much to type here! Good luck and I hope it goes well!
Nancy

Welcome to the South, R.! When I read your post, I just knew I had to reply to you! My family moved to Ponchatoula, LA (just north of New Orleans - across the lake) 11 years ago from Urbandale, Iowa (Des Moines suburb). I grew up in Keokuk, Iowa and I taught school for 10 years before going into the family business that my husband and I have now. We just moved from Louisiana to Birmingham, Alabama, so my 4 children are having to adjust to new schools too. Today is their first day (kdg, 6th, 8th, and 10th).

I taught 2nd and 3rd grades during my teaching career, and I really enjoyed every minute of it. It sounds to me like you have an excellent opportunity to encourage your 3rd grader to enjoy this whole new "learning adventure" - new friends, new teachers, new school...where nobody knows anything about his past. What is he really interested in outside of school? Does he like any type of sports? A good idea (take it or leave it) for the math area would be for him to concentrate on a favorite sports hero and follow his/her statistics. Percentages, decimals, rounding, adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing, even extrapolating are all areas touched by this one activity. Have him keep up with his hero and predict what his records will be by the end of the season, etc.

Also, to keep homework time to a minimum, and hassle free for you, give him a timer of some sort (a stop watch, an alarm clock, a kitchen timer). Agree on a time limit to complete a certain amount of his homework. Set the clock, make sure he has his materials and his own work space away from his siblings, and leave him alone until the timer goes off. At that time you can return to him, check his work with him, and help him with any problems he has tried. He has to make an attempt to solve the problems on his own, or he will wait for you to return to assist him every step of the way. He CAN do this!!

Just a few quick ideas for you to use or not. I hope you really enjoy your new home. I have adjusted quite nicely, and no, I don't miss the snow!

Have a wonderful day!
D. Hosemann

Hello,
I also have 2 yr. old twins. I can't imagine having other children with them. I used to be a school teacher before I started Chiropractic school this past April.
My advice would be to try to find some special time for you to help him with his school work. Make it special time and you have to show him how excited you are to find out what he is learning each day. I know that will be hard with so many demanding time from you. I also know how demanding twins are and I am sure it took a toll on him to have to share his mommy so much. I feel like I can't give my two enough individual time. If you have already tried this approach I would suggest find a young energetic teacher that does private tutoring that could give your little guy some individual attention and some of her/his interest in school could help motivate your child.
I would also pay very close attention to your child's ability level. Are things too easy? Is he bored? Are things to difficult. Is he "checking out" in class because he is over whelmed? What about his social life. Does he make friends easily? Does he get picked on? Usually there is something behind the attitudes a child has behing school. I would be a very good investigator... If you have a really great teacher at your sons school she/he should be able to help answer some of these questions for you.
Hope this helps!
H. Welch
____@____.com

I understand that your son hates school. I think it is not unusual to hate school when you have to struggle with math problems, reading, etc. There isn't much about school that is fun. I think what really bothers me, is that when I was in school, too many years ago to talk about, you didn't get treats or rewards for doing good in school. You were just proud of yourself when you made a good grade. My parents instilled that in me and my siblings, so I guess that is why it is hard for me to understand this concept of rewarding someone with food, etc. for doing a good job. Why can't they just learn to feel good about the hard work they do with tons of praise by their parents and teachers? To me, that builds self-esteem better than anything. Maybe, at homework time, you could set a timer for your son, depending on the type of homework and the amount of homework, like 20 minutes for 20 math problems, etc. That is one way to get them to sit there and do it before the timer goes off. Then there should be consequences if it is not completed. We learn as adults that we live in a tough world, and we don't always get rewarded for a job well done, but we just feel good about what we've done, and realize our self worth. I think parents are getting so off track about how to help their children be more successful in school. Once we are adults, we work hard to earn that paycheck, and they need to know that is what it is all about. No one is going to show too much appreciation in the real world. If we are lucky, the boss might do something occassionally for the employees, but that is about as far as it goes. I do agree that if your son needs extra help, the School Box store has many resources, and I'm sure the teacher has resources to help you get him through the subjects he is having trouble with. Even after saying all of that, I do think rewarding kids occassionally, like making all passing grades on their report card, is a good idea. That would be a reward for achieving a long term goal. That should help give some incentive to try a little harder. I just don't think giving rewards for everything is the answer. This is just an opinion.
Mom Again-L.

Hello R.,

Well, with the move and repeating a grade it sounds like your son is going to be in a challenging situation. If at all possible I would suggest having him participate in some extracurricular activities. This will of course help him make some friends and might possibly help with self esteem.
As for the math, check in your area for a tutor sometimes the YMCA has info on this. Also, speak with the school. If he is having difficulty a lot of the times the schools are required to provide tutors at their expense. Check into the "No Child Left Behind" programs.
Another suggestion would be to give him an allowance, say a little each day and have him keep a register of it. He can pick something he wants and use addition and subtraction to see how much he still needs. Also have him be in charge of keeping track at the grocery store. Let him know that if he gets within a dollar of your total (without the tax of course) that he can get a candy bar or something to that effect.
As well, there are some children's board games or even computer/video games that are not only educational but also entertaining. It just depends on his style of learning. Some children learn better by interacting at a desk others learn better by interacting in life or even through games.
I hope this helped,
S.

Hi R.,
I have 4 kids of my own, 2 in middle and 2 in Elementary. I have had this same problem with my son and I pray that it is better this year. I believe that for boys it is so easy to loose interest in school. He is 13 now and he also repeated 2 grade. I try and keep him focused by giving him a lot of praise (even now) when he brings home any descent grade. I make surprise visits at school through out the year randomly so he never know when mom is dropping in. I do this with all of my kids. I have been blessed to always have a teacher that I give the up and up on at the beginning of school so that they know to call me when he gets board or acts up. I get emails, phone #'s and such from them and we communicate so I know what his homework is before he does, and I also secretly send his awards to school when he does well on a test and I make up food coupons that are used for prizes that is given out by his teacher when he participates in class and so on. He has grown out of a lot of the prize mode last year his teacher told me that he refused a lot of the coupons and just participated. I hope this helps some what. Good luck and God Bless.
T.
Ripley, TN

hi R.,
i am a 3rd grade teacher turned stay at home mom. its sometimes hard to motivate kids, as you know. try a reward system. i use to do that a lot in my classroom. you can try different thing and see whats the best fit for your son. here are a few ideas:
* give him a pretend credit card (a decorated index card) for each good grade that he gets, give him more credit (a sticker)you can also give him a sticker for every homework assignment he completes (the he can use his credit to get things that he really enjoys like (more time on the computer, a movie night with dad, a new toy, etc..)
* go to your local teacher store. you can find fun games that cover many math topics ( and they are not that expensive) the games will be a good way for him to practice a skill and still have fun.

hi R.
TRY MAKING A LIST FOR THE STORE AND HAVE HIM ANSWER SOME MATH QUESTIONS,THIS IS AN INTERESTING WAY FOR MATH AND ENG.MAYBE TRY A STUDY GROUP AT HOME,IT MIGHT MAKE IT A LITTLE BETTER FOR HIM TO STUDY WITH FRIENDS.
S. IN MISSISSIPPI,MOTHER OF 10,5,3

Hello R. B, how are you? Do you have a YMCA in your area? I love this place!!! I use it for calateral. We don't go to the YMCA unless they do good in school and they have to have their homework done and dinner plate cleaned before we leave to go. They love the YMCA...I get to work out and socialize and they get what they want...we both win...

By the way I have 3, 11,8 and 6.

The YMCA also has alot of extra activities, for example: this weekend ours is having a movie night. We get to watch "Finding Nemo" while swimming in the indoor pool.

R.,
A friend very highly recommended the Kumon program to me for my daughter. You can visit their website at www.kumon.com. They are an "extra" for help in math and reading. You can use both programs or just one. I am looking into signing my daughter up for the math classes because she has a hard time with math. I can't give you any more information, and I don't know if they are available in your area (we are in Georgia), but I believe they are nationwide.

I hope this helps, at least a little. Good luck!!!

C. B.
____@____.com
Dahlonega, GA

R.,

We also have a child who openly says he doesn't like school however he loves sports and his video games so video games are only for weekend play and if grades fall below c no sports at all my son is 10 and it really works , homework is always 1st on the to do list in the afternoon after a snack of course . It has really worked for us last year he really started slacking so we had to set these rules cause we were scared he was in trouble of failing and he came back on honer roll so it worked for us hope this helps you, S.

Hi,

A few ideas:

1. Schedule a meeting with the teacher within the first couple of weeks of school. If not in person, then a telephone conference. Let her know that your son could use extra help with math. She may have some suggestions for things that you can do at home, or might agree to send home a few extra fun math activities that he could do for "extra credit" or some other incentive that you think of for him at home.

2. If you're specifically seeking an easier way for him learn, especially math, maybe you could ask the teacher if she could observe for the first few weeks where his weaknesses are. For example, does he struggle with completing work on time? Does he need to work on memorizing his addition and subtraction facts more? Does he need more concrete visuals to "get" the concepts?

If the teacher can tell you exactly what he seems to be having issues with, (if you're not already sure where the problem lies) then she may also be willing to brainstorm ways to help him along the way this year. For example, maybe a little extra time for tests or tips for working faster. Or maybe she'd be willing to loan out a math game or flash cards for him to work on his math facts at home. Or, maybe a tutor could be found at school early on in the year to support him in working on his homework after school. (Some schools have time set aside for kids to be tutored after school, at the school.) Also, might he need to sit closer to the board, or need help with handwriting, etc. etc.?

3. Sorry this turned out so long, but lastly, maybe since you son will be at new school, you could also request that the teacher help pair him up with a few kids, or sit him near a few kids that might make good friends for him.

Best wishes to your family. I hope that your son has a great year at his new school.

well i know your husband works alot but when his home let him help your son with his homework and have alittle time with dad alone. and play math games on the computer if you have one they helped my daugther alot in math she was making c and when we started the math games she got a b on her next report card so they do help.

Have you had him tested for dyslexia or his eyes checked? My brother in law was awful at school and then they got his eyes checked and they discovered he had an eye condition that made reading very hard. Even now at 25yrs old it takes alot for him to read. Im also friends with Mark Hall from Casting Crowns, the Christian band, and he had problems in school until they found out he was dyslexic. I would really check his eyes and for dyslexia.

Hello R., I to live in Ms, Pascagoula, and the best thing I can suggest like so many others is to yes go to the school and meet the teacher and explain everything to her...Our teachers around here are really good and loving. Also go online and find some of the sites that help with Math and other school subjects!! My youngest son who is almost 7 has always got on the computer and it has really helped him and even my 4 year old Autistic grandson uses the computer and he is so smart on it. a computer can be a great help and teacher. The teacher can give you sites to go to and you can do a google search to look up alot of the sites!!! also start giving him a small allowance or just some change here and there and teach him with that...my son loves to count his money that he/we save. also let him help you with problems, it will make him feel like he is doing something for you instead of learning and he will enjoy it!!! Good Luck and please let me know how things go for you and your son and your whole family....oh yes by the way welcome to Ms. D.

R. stop by mothering.com and check out the article this month about children needing play time. Boys more than girls need frequent periods of play time between lessons so that they can concentrate. Countries that excel above us in education have much more play time then we do and their children are smarter and healthier. Good luck!

Hi,

I work with autistic children and have found math to be a very hard and uninteresting subject to some of my young clients.

I utilize the Touch Math Method and you can research this on-line and they will also send you a free catalog... You can also try a lot of "hands-on" for teaching. For example, sorting, adding, subtracting, etc. actual objects, creating file folder games pertaining to your son's daily or weekly math lessons. There are also lots of videos, DVD's, and computer related items that focus on math.

Hope this helps!

I used computer games. There are so many out now that boys really enjoy. Jump start is a good one. I bought Soccer Math, they have to answer problems before time runs out so they can score a goal. I had a terrible time with math when I was a kid and I got better with computer games. Half the time they don't even realize they are learning anything!

R.,
My advice is to keep in close contact with the teacher. My daughters teacher and I email at least once a week. At the start of this school year, she started bringing home grades that were very poor. Through talking with her teacher, we discovered she was bored and felt like she didn't need to try if she wasn't interested. She also is having some anxiety issues about speaking up in class. We came up with a reward program for putting forth effort. So far, only one poor grade sent home in 4 weeks. We are still working on the anxiety issue, but are bringing in professionals to help with that. As for homework, I just try to stay as involved as possible. Some days are worse than others, but usually I don't let her do anything else until it is done.

I had the same problem with my son when we first moved from Las Vegas. It might not be school, it could just be the changes that he has been facing and finding new friends, you know being the new kid is difficult. I found other activities for my son to be involved with after school. In order to go to Tae Kwon Do or Cub Scouts, he had to have his homework complete. When it came to his required reading, I took him to the public library (it has a larger selection of books) so he could choose what interested him.