Needing Advice... - Girard,PA

Each family's dynamics are different, in my family the irresponsible ones get all the 'charity' offers first (enabling them more in my opinion) and the responsible ones last. If you think you can handle any retaliation from the cousin, even though if it doesn't work out it would be entirely their own fault, you may become (in their eyes only) the reason they had to move out. I am far more direct and would ask the aunt and uncle before the cousin has time to move in. Good luck.

I personally would not want to live in another family's houes with any sort of agreement or not....tends to just lead to family drama later on down the road!

Anything bad that happens in terms of the living situation their is no kicking you out and moving on...you are family and will be together for life.

Maybe the aunt and uncle thought you guys were doing fine - yeah - it's an apartment - but you are RESPONSIBLE adults.

That Molly's parents are paying their bills only enables them. It isn't teaching them anything other than "you don't need to grow up".

It should be your husband's place to call his aunt and uncle and let them know you are interested in the place as well. It is NOT his place to bad mouth his cousin nor his aunt and uncle. he CAN say "Aunt Jane - hey we heard through the grapevine that you are going to let Molly and her husband live in your home...I thought I would let you know that if you change your mind, we are very interested in paying you rent on your home." Keep in mind, however, that renting from family can be hazardous...especially when something breaks down...gets broken...do you really want that mess?

I wouldn't be jealous or upset about this. That they didn't offer it to you first, to me? says that they see you as responsible adults. On the other hand, they don't see Molly as a responsible adult and this way - they can "control" her...maybe...just maybe.

I'm sure the aunt and uncle know that Molly and BF are in their 20s with no jobs and likely know that they smoke pot ..... so if it were me, I'd wait to offer to take over the house. Asking NOW will just seem sneaky and rude. Like you're saying "These two are no-good. Pick me instead!" I'm sure they know they're no good, and that's likely why they're trying to help, esp with the baby on the way.

I would give them a call.

That way if Molly doesn't take it or something happens they know your interested and don't offer it to anyone else. I don't think its stepping over anyone's boundries.

The aunt and uncle may not have given you guys a thought, they may think that you guys are doing ok where your at and didn't even think of the extra space.

Please say something, JE. It would be kind of you to give them the "out".

Dawn

me personally i wouldnt call righht away.. id give it some time to see if they screw things up.. if u know therye starting to slip.. then id call aunt n uncle and say listen i know molly&husband are having trouble they cant afford living there if u guys want wed be more then happy to take it over and pay rent and mayb they cant find somewhere cheaper for them to live ... i just wouldnt make the phone call now when nothings even happend yet.. ifu call them now it might seem rude (even though its not meant to be) it might seem like u resent that they have the house and your just waiting for them to screw uup so u cant take it

Is Molly the homeowner's kid or niece? It makes a HUGE difference as to how to handle it.

Call them. That other couple is being rewarded for bad behavior which means they will screw this up.
I would not clean up their mess physically. Make the homeowner do it unless you pay no rent for x months and have a written contract.

Definitely have your husband call since it is his aunt and uncle. Tell them that if they end up needing someone in the house you would all be thrilled to have a place like that for your three kids. At the very least your family will be on their mind if the others screw things up.

I would let them dig their own grave, say 'I told you so', then help them move their stuff out so you can get yours in there, ASAP ;)

I understand you want to protect them by telling them, but you don't want it to come off as jealousy and resentment for YOU not having gotten the property, you know? Some train wrecks need to just happen on their own with no intervention.

Would they give you guys the same deal as Molly? or are they only doing it because they need help? I would call why not....

I think you should do this in person. Go to visit the aunt and uncle. Tell them how much you like or love the house. And then casually say something along the lines of "if it doesn't work out having Molly and family here I would love to take care of and live in this home". Then explain in detail how much living there would help your family. Maybe offer to buy the house on a rent to own basis.

I think a phone call would be inapproaite in this situation. You should ask in person. Maybe take a some muffins or other goodies as a gift.

Wow, really? Don't say anything...you sound jealous. They knew what they were getting into when they offered them the house.

If this were in my family, I'd probably ask my mom or dad (whoever is the sibling to your aunt or uncle) to let them know how happy we were for Molly & family and, should this original agreement not work out, we'd be happy to talk with them about renting their house.

#1: we wouldn't do it directly as that might put the aunt/uncle in the position of either having to explain themselves or seeming to play favorites.

#2: we wouldn't try to infer that Molly would screw it up -- even if that's exactly what we thought

#3: we wouldn't want to offer rent at the moment because that might seem like we're trying to undermine Molly & offer the aunt/uncle a better deal so thaty'd go back on their offer & choose us instead.

Family dynamics are a weird -- and a very careful dance.

I vote 'totally overstepping'.

They aren't immediate family, so how they choose to run their finances just isn't your concern.

I expect that you might state how close you all are, and how they are really like husband's mom and dad - in that case - still no. BUT...if it comes up **organically** in the conversations you have often with this very close aunt and uncle, then I humbly offer "Should things not work out with Molly, she has to move or can't take on the house, then give me a call because it would suite us to a T."

As long as you're not jumping up and saying, "Give it to me instead!" then I think it's fine to let them know how you feel if things don't work out with the others. It would be nice for them to have a back up.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Be patient! Wait until they screw it up and then offer to move in and pay rent. Offering now will most certainly insure you won't ever get in the house.